Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

NOt to offer to sit in the back?

224 replies

hidinginthenightgarden · 28/08/2017 08:46

We are going to a theme park today. 49 minute drive. Mil has been undecided on whether to come and this morning has announced she will squash between the two car seats in the back as she has never driven there before.
She will not fit. I am about 3 sizes smaller and would be very squashed and uncomfortable. I know I should offer to sit in the back but I really don't want to! There is not reason she cannot come in her own car other than she isn't a great driver. She is only 60 and in good health so not like I am crushing the bones of an old woman but still, I know it would be the kinder thing. Aibu not to sit in the back?
I will add that we do get on fine but She isn't my kind of person.

OP posts:
CheckingMyPrivilege · 29/08/2017 20:44

OMG just sit in the back!

ItBroke · 29/08/2017 21:25

OMG Just read the thread!

Wink
CheckingMyPrivilege · 29/08/2017 22:08

Lol I read it. I don't see what's the fuss about sitting in the back.

38cody · 29/08/2017 22:39

YABU
I would be embarrassed to do anything other than insist and you won't be squashed - unless you are overweight it will be fine.

smilingontheinside · 29/08/2017 22:40

Bloody hell I'm in my 60's and would be first in the queue for rides, love disney etc why do some assume that at 60 life stops and you become some decrepit old person who shouldn't even consider going to theme parks? I am no raver (not any more anyway) but I am also not ready to sit quietly in the background and wait for death. I am a grandmother when it suits me (i.e. I am there if needed but happy to be involved/not involved) and a MIL again if help or my presence is wanted/required I will be there but suit myself if not. I would drive if I had to or sit between the kids if necessary. If my dil thought I wasn't her sort of person then I would be equally as happy to source my own entertainment with people who thought I was.

PoorYorick · 29/08/2017 23:24

why do some assume that at 60 life stops and you become some decrepit old person who shouldn't even consider going to theme parks?

Because they're idiots. Ignore them. Although of course, the real crime is being a MIL.

simiisme · 29/08/2017 23:42

YABVU. I always gave my MIL the front seat and sat between the kids. We also used to give her our bed when she stayed and kip on an airbed in the front room.
It's a simple act of kindness that will not kill you.

Chottie · 30/08/2017 03:12

I'm fascinated by the feeling by some that a 60 year old woman is a little old lady. Most women of this age will still be working full time or looking after grandchildren full or part time.

At what age does one become incapable of leading the same life as the rest of us, and start wearing orthopaedic sandals and a rain bonnet. My mother and my MIL are mid seventies and nothing like the "old women" portrayed on this thread. They are just the same women they were 10 or 20 or 30 years ago

Thank you Wobbling Flowers your comments are spot on

Caprianna · 30/08/2017 03:32

YABU

I want to pick my own DILs. No way am I leaving that to my DSs!

CheckingMyPrivilege · 30/08/2017 04:44

My mom is 62, does Zumba, charity works, travels all over, and is so much more energetic than me!!!

But yeah, I think YABVU.

woollyheart · 30/08/2017 10:45

I would expect to arrange seats based more on size and ability to get in. You can't expect people with longer legs to sit twisted for almost an hour. I'm over 60 and very happy to fit in the middle of the back seat if there is enough room. Most of my contemporaries are very happy to do this unless they have specific health issues.

woollyheart · 30/08/2017 11:34

But given that all things are equal, size & healthwise, I would expect the owner of the car to take their preferred position

BertrandRussell · 30/08/2017 12:05

If anyone ever has to sit in the back of a car it's always me, because I am short and have a completely cast iron stomach. And I don't stand on my dignity

lynmilne65 · 30/08/2017 12:12

Oh I had to squeeze between 2 seats mainly cos I am little and she is a bit bigger 🤣

SomewhatIdiosyncratic · 30/08/2017 12:16

It is frustrating when by default of your body size, you get the uncomfortable seat.

DH tends to drive his car as he is 6 foot and needs much more leg room than me. His car has a couple of extra inches in the back compared to mine so it is disadvantageous for me to drive my car instead. His car was not designed for the driver to have size 2 feet, muscular calves and a 26 inch inside leg, and the positioning of his accelerator cramps my leg into an uncomfortable position, so as a driver, I am still uncomfortable. So either way, 2 car seats, us and an additional adult usually results in someone's discomfort, and because mine ranks a bit less than that of an older relative with joint issues, or a more cramped taller person, I inevitably have to do the contortonist routine.

Hopefully putting a car seat in the front has solved OPs issue. Being squished up against a person tends to be less uncomfortable than between hard car seats.

PoorYorick · 30/08/2017 12:21

It is frustrating when by default of your body size, you get the uncomfortable seat.

Yes, I guess it must be, though it's a price I'd pay because I'm a fat fuck.

drinkingtea · 30/08/2017 12:55

If sitting in the back squeezed between bulky car seats is uncomfortable it was perfectly fine for the op to be pissed off to have been put in the default position of being expected to take that seat by her husband - who is the one who made the arrangement to take a 3rd adult but didn't offer to take the uncomfortable seat...

Some people (usually men, but not only) just expect everyone else to cheerfully accept rubbish situations and smile, without ever considering they could take the least satisfactory seat/ chore/ meal or whatever sometimes...

Women who don't want to be the one to budge over/ share with the child/ do the underappreciated care task / put up with thankless inconvenience by default every single time are almost always looked askance at and told they are making a fuss about a non issue...

Gottagetmoving · 30/08/2017 17:43

I think some people would be happier if once they met their life partner he would sign a contract to stop feeling anything for his mother and preferably have nothing more to do with her... (normal relationship can resume in the event of divorce) Grin

BeyondThePage · 30/08/2017 18:06

or perhaps get him to sign a contract that wants them to just think of their wife from time to time and maybe make decisions based on their comfort -

because THEY KNOW FROM THE START that their wife is kind and good and will "do the right thing" and feel uncomfortable for both journeys.

PoorYorick · 30/08/2017 19:53

or perhaps get him to sign a contract that wants them to just think of their wife from time to time and maybe make decisions based on their comfort -

And when they fail to do it, perhaps they, rather than their nearest female relative, could get the flack for it.

ArbitraryName · 01/09/2017 01:50

I don't understand why the woman always has to be uncomfortable. Fair enough taking the seat with less leg room or no shoulder space because you are shorter/narrower if you're going to be comfortable there anyway. Then it makes sense to arrange seating so that you are both comfortable.

But if you aren't going to fit comfortably in the seat, then there is absolutely no reason why the default position should be that the woman goes in the uncomfortable position. There is no reason at all why a man shouldn't be expected to put himself out half of the time. He might be slightly more uncomfortable than a woman, but he should still take his turn squeezing in between the car seats (or whatever else usually comfortable). You'd have to be an arsehole to always sit in comfort knowing that your partner is uncomfortable.

And you'd have to be a bloody martyr to put up with always being the one to endure the discomfort so your partner can sit in comfort. Either you're both comfortable or you share the crappy situations fairly.

If we've got a full car, it's generally better for everyone if I drive (despite being the shortest). The people in the back (who have to sit in the middle and driver's side because the isofux mounts for the car seat are only behind the passenger seat) get very little leg room if DH drives, but plenty if I do.

blackteasplease · 01/09/2017 09:09

I really hate sitting in the back because I get horrendously car sick, so I'm probably going to give a biased view!

I sort if agree with the idea that the adult who's car it is gets to go in the front. But I also agree with giving older people the comfortable seat so can see both sides.

But it is annoying to have to give up your comfort for someone who could get there under own steam.

I haven't rtft so Im guessing you have answered the question of why dh doesn't go in the back and you drive. Men often have stronger backs so better able to cope with sitting at an angle (although of course not always) and less likely to have stomach problems caused by child bearing (well they won't have those specific problems!) so might be better able to do the back.

blackteasplease · 01/09/2017 09:15

Arbitrary makes some very good points re men and space!

Sweetpea55 · 18/09/2017 10:45

You wont sit in the back because you 'don't want to'? That's a bit petty,,Its not as if your going on a three hour trip there and back

New posts on this thread. Refresh page