Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

NOt to offer to sit in the back?

224 replies

hidinginthenightgarden · 28/08/2017 08:46

We are going to a theme park today. 49 minute drive. Mil has been undecided on whether to come and this morning has announced she will squash between the two car seats in the back as she has never driven there before.
She will not fit. I am about 3 sizes smaller and would be very squashed and uncomfortable. I know I should offer to sit in the back but I really don't want to! There is not reason she cannot come in her own car other than she isn't a great driver. She is only 60 and in good health so not like I am crushing the bones of an old woman but still, I know it would be the kinder thing. Aibu not to sit in the back?
I will add that we do get on fine but She isn't my kind of person.

OP posts:
Witsender · 28/08/2017 09:22

When we have had similar we move one car seat into the front, then two adults sit next to each other in the back. I normally drive as I hate sitting in the back, and DH and whoever it is sit next to each other.

Original poster
hidinginthenightgarden · 28/08/2017 09:23

Moving a child to the front is an excellent idea. I will suggest that.

OP posts:
ijustwannadance · 28/08/2017 09:23

You are ignoring all solutions.

Put one child on front seat.
You drive and let DH and MIL fight it out.

AaoograhaHoa · 28/08/2017 09:25

Ta Prophet Wink

Have a good day hiding! Try not to over think it too much as it will lead to you spoiling your own day...

44PumpLane · 28/08/2017 09:25

Sorry but I wouldn't sit in the back if it meant being twisted and uncomfortable for a 40 minute stretch, but I also wouldn't expect my MiL to sit in the back like that either (which you've said you don't expect either OP).

The impression I'm getting is that OP just wanted a bit of a vent, it's bloody annoying when people make decisions that you know will impact you.

However given you know she doesn't like to drive and you know you would rather she takes a car, it does seem to make sense for you guys to take a second car as then everyone has plenty of space, no one turns up at the theme park frazzled or with a muscle sprain from uncomfortable sitting. Maybe take the car by yourself and listen to whatever music or podcast you want and enjoy a bit of alone time in the car (that's what I would do)!

cremedelashite · 28/08/2017 09:25

Hmm. I would drive and all go in one car. It would be kind to offer but you hate being squashed in back too. Leave it to your dp to sit in back. Alternatively just say you hate the idea of either you or mil being squashed in back so you'll drive your own car, even inviting mil with you. Why should either of you be uncomfortable. It's really really ok to express your needs. Doesn't make you a cow.

Gottagetmoving · 28/08/2017 09:25

Why does op have to be uncomfortable for nearly two hours cause MiL has graced them with her presence?

That's nasty.
Why use 'graced them with her presence'? She is the mother of her Dh and grandmother to her children...a member of the family.
No wonder there are family conflicts when there are people with your attitude.

GhoulWithADragonTattoo · 28/08/2017 09:25

I think one car seat in the middle back seat and one in front. Two adults at either side in back would work best.

Original poster
hidinginthenightgarden · 28/08/2017 09:25

No I am not dance

OP posts:
ArbitraryName · 28/08/2017 09:26

Why don't you drive and your DH can get squashed in the back?

Or you take the children in one car and have DH drive his mother in the other. That way everyone can be comfortable, DH and MIL can chat and MIL doesn't have to drive. If you're driving it doesn't matter than the children won't be entertaining you.

KarateKitten · 28/08/2017 09:29

I'd do it for my MIL. It's another tiny thing that goes towards the whole picture of our good relationship.

bluegrape · 28/08/2017 09:29

'Why don't you drive and your DH can get squashed in the back?'

Be as unaccommodating as possible? Nice attitude.

Nanna50 · 28/08/2017 09:29

Oh you do mind that she has been invited. Do you not have a family size car? Easier to get one child seat and two adults in the back and the other child in the front seat if your car is small. Especially as it is difficult climbing between two car seats to get in the back. Then you and MIL can have an adult chat in the back Smile.

Surely your OH knows whether your car is big enough to sit an adult in the back? You haven't mentioned his take on this. If she was invited on the basis of taking her own car then that should have been made clear.

You seem determined to put obstacles in the way, so you may as well take your own car and huff in comfort. Ive had more uncomfortable journeys on a plane which were longer than 50 minutes.

Original poster
hidinginthenightgarden · 28/08/2017 09:30

Thanks ladies. I am a huge over thinker. I thought it was clear in my op that I knew it was unreasonable and am just needing it clarified. I have told DH that no one will fit it the back with two chairs and he has agreed to put one in the front. Dilemma over.
For clarity- I am not mean, I would have grudgingly done it as the obliging dil. Ans I would have been nice about it!
I just get frustrated by such expectations especially when DH for example wouldn't even think of doing it himself!

OP posts:
LoniceraJaponica · 28/08/2017 09:30

Personally I think you are all being unreasonable to choose what will possibly be the busiest day of the year to go to a theme park. The traffic will be awful and the queues horrendous.

Enjoy your day Grin

NewDaddie · 28/08/2017 09:32

Beat me to it @Witsender! And @GhoulWithADragonTattoo

Also if your car seats have isofix bases take them out and use just the seatbelt to secure them in to reduce the amount of room they take up.

AnnieAnoniMouse · 28/08/2017 09:34

I have a better idea. Let them go & you have a lovely day to yourself 😊 There will be plenty of other days to take your DC without all the fuss!

BannedFromNarnia · 28/08/2017 09:37

Actually I'm with the OP on this - and I'm probably the same size as the MIL. I hate if when we go together with extras family and we all have to squash into one car and be uncomfortable because "it's silly to take two cars". It's always the bloody driver of the bigger car that suggests and tries to enforce in our set up too, when there are three other drivers and three other cars available and we're only talking about short occasional trips.

I do think that putting one child in the front is protrude best solution here but otherwise, yes just take your car on your own - or drive the single car.

BannedFromNarnia · 28/08/2017 09:39

Oh and I hate this gendered thing whee they don't say "and you have to sit in the back" but if you don't offer you're a dreadful person. Men don't have to deal with this shit - hence why your DH is driving!

AnnieAnoniMouse · 28/08/2017 09:39

You need to have words with your DH too, he should have asked before inviting someone else along for your family day out, irrespective of who that is. You sound fed up of being 'expected' to go along with things or do stuff etc, you need to sort that out before it gets to the point where you're very unhappy in your marriage.

Can we have updates please, because it sounds like a nightmare day to me. MIL, two very small children, at a theme park, on a Bank Holiday, in the heat...I'd be taking a hit flask 🤣

PoorYorick · 28/08/2017 09:39

Onlyone, that made me properly lol.

Also, I assumed the car seats had to go in the back. It didn't occur to me that this thread would exist if one of them could go in the front. FFS.

OP - no, your initial post did not make it at all clear that you 'knew' you were being unfair. And as for this: "I just get frustrated by such expectations especially when DH for example wouldn't even think of doing it himself!" - well then, your problem is with your husband, not your MIL who is, as we all know, not your kind of person.

Stop misdirecting your frustrations on to the nearest woman. It's tiresome, even if she does have the gall to be the mother of your husband.

Nanna50 · 28/08/2017 09:40

Yay a solution, hope you enjoy your day.

Dawnedlightly · 28/08/2017 09:41

Good resolution. Hope you all have a lovely day Flowers

Mumof56 · 28/08/2017 09:42

I doubt the mother would head to the theme park on her own. The only reason she is going is to spend time with your family.

You all fit in the one car, very petty to demand she drives her own car

BertrandRussell · 28/08/2017 09:42

"You need to have words with your DH too, he should have asked before inviting someone else along for your family day out,"

Good Lord, should he? Even if it's his mother, not a random mate from work?