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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

NOt to offer to sit in the back?

224 replies

hidinginthenightgarden · 28/08/2017 08:46

We are going to a theme park today. 49 minute drive. Mil has been undecided on whether to come and this morning has announced she will squash between the two car seats in the back as she has never driven there before.
She will not fit. I am about 3 sizes smaller and would be very squashed and uncomfortable. I know I should offer to sit in the back but I really don't want to! There is not reason she cannot come in her own car other than she isn't a great driver. She is only 60 and in good health so not like I am crushing the bones of an old woman but still, I know it would be the kinder thing. Aibu not to sit in the back?
I will add that we do get on fine but She isn't my kind of person.

OP posts:
Sparkletastic · 28/08/2017 09:43

Good solution OP. I'm with you on the annoying expectation that the dutiful wife / DIL should happily embrace discomfort though.

metalmum15 · 28/08/2017 09:44

YABU for going to a theme park on a Bank holiday Monday. Mental.

Notknownatthisaddress · 28/08/2017 09:46

Haven't RTFT, but of COURSE you should sit in the back if you are smaller. The woman is 60, and may be in 'good health' but she is still 60. Give her a break! I can't believe you even have to ask. A little kindness and consideration goes a long way.

And yeah, it's ludicrous to take 2 cars. Even for a '49 minute drive.' (Very precise there by the way!!!)

Hope you all enjoy your day.

Babymamamama · 28/08/2017 09:48

Poor OP. I also couldn't sit between two car seats at least in a normal sized car (mine for example). I suffer from slight claustrophobia and wouldn't be able to sit hemmed in like that. I don't think it's unreasonable for the family to take two cars if they cannot comfortably fit into one. I wouldn't expect anyone to sit in the middle of my back seat for more than ten minutes. It honestly isn't built for modern sized adults. Hop you enjoy your day out anyway OP.

VioletCharlotte · 28/08/2017 09:48

If I were you, I think I'd stay at home and let MIL and DH go with the kids. I can't actually think of anything I'd like to do less than go to a theme park on a hit bank holiday Monday. Place will be heaving, huge queues for everything... stay at home and sit on the garden!

bluegrape · 28/08/2017 09:49

I had presumed that dh driving instead of the op was due to size rather than gender.

LoniceraJaponica · 28/08/2017 09:52

NotKnown 60 isn't very old Hmm

I am nearly 59 and slim and reasonably fit. I wouldn't have a problem being stuck between 2 car seats. Although I expect the journey will take longer than the OP anticipates given the good weather forecast today.

Notknownatthisaddress · 28/08/2017 09:55

Have now RTFT.

I understand it would be uncomfortable for anyone to be squashed between 2 child seats in the back of the car, but the OP does sound horribly resentful of the MIL being there at ALL. I mean God forbid the poor woman just wants to spend time with her family. Confused

@PoorYorick

You sound quite horrid. And why does it matter if MIL "isn't your kind of person"? Does everyone have to have your hallowed approval before you won't humiliate them? And given you don't mind her coming, why are you snarking on the fact that she wants to? Is a grandmother who doesn't want a day out with her family "your" kind of person?

This ^

Agree that the OP has not coming out looking good on this thread.

Fruitcocktail6 · 28/08/2017 09:57

YABVVU to go to a theme park on bank holiday Monday, and then thinking it would be a good idea to take two cars to a car park that's going to be bursting at the seams.

Notknownatthisaddress · 28/08/2017 09:58

60 isn't very old

60 isn't very YOUNG either. @LoniceraJaponica

To put your own selfish needs, when you are only in your 20's or 30's above a lady who is on the cusp of being a senior citizen is plain spiteful.

Hope the daughter and son in law's of the OP's children treat HER with more respect in the future, and don't treat HER like she is a blasted nuisance. Hmm

Blazedandconfused · 28/08/2017 09:58

Put the two car seats next to each other and the adult at the end. None of my passengers have complained about that set up.

Notknownatthisaddress · 28/08/2017 10:00

And good for you @LoniceraJaponica that you are reasonably slim and fit for almost 60!!!

Not everyone of that age is! Hmm

viques · 28/08/2017 10:00

If she is not a great driver then you are doing a favour to the world by not letting her loose on Bank Holiday traffic. On behalf of the world may I thank you for your consideration and selfless sacrifice.

Flowers
HemiDemiSemiquaver · 28/08/2017 10:00

Glad it's sorted in the end.

But just regarding the DH sitting in the back. When I used to go out with my friend who had two car seats in the back, I couldn't fit between them because of my hips. Her DH or father both could, despite being generally larger and taller than me, because they just had much straighter proportions, and that's what made all the difference.

ForalltheSaints · 28/08/2017 10:07

Were my mum and dad the only people in the world to get on well with their respective MILs? (Mine is no longer alive, having died in a car accident before I met DP). Judging by some of the threads here, I am beginning to wonder.

I'd never go to a theme park on a bank holiday anyway.

GabsAlot · 28/08/2017 10:08

i cant sit in the back i get car sick and noone should be uncomfrtable

dont forget to turn th front airbag off if theres a child sitting there

choccybiscuit · 28/08/2017 10:09

I always sit in the back so mil can sit in the front

MissMoneyPlant · 28/08/2017 10:10

NotKnown Hope the daughter and son in law's of the OP's children treat HER with more respect in the future, and don't treat HER like she is a blasted nuisance.

No, they'll just follow the current set-up where OP is automatically given the most uncomfortable seat and must put everyone else first, and what's more must "keep jolly" and not "be a martyr about it" (as MummyMuppet says).

Gottagetmoving Ah,...you want to be asked nicely? That's a bit diva-ish isn't it?
You nailed it when you said ' because no decent human being wouldn't'
The only problem is in your head.

No, the problem is expecting the OP to automatically take the most uncomfortable seat. Why is it expected of her? No decent human being would expect this without asking nicely in advance.

Should women just take the crap and the worst of everything without speaking up? Why are we always expected to put ourselves last?

Alexkate2468 · 28/08/2017 10:10

"It is expected of me to be nice enough to offer."

So, you are not nice enough to offer? You've pretty much just admitted that you're not being nice.

Here lies my problem with society.... You think it's unreasonable to expect someone to be nice. Why can't people just be nice. The words 'what a better world if each others needs were preferred' cone to mind.

ArbitraryName · 28/08/2017 10:16

'Why don't you drive and your DH can get squashed in the back?'

Be as unaccommodating as possible? Nice attitude.

I'm not sure how the OP driving (which is an effort in itself, especially in bank holiday traffic) and her husband sitting in the back seat to allow his mother to sit in the front is being unaccomodating. Or is it only women who should put themselves out for family members?

LillianGish · 28/08/2017 10:23

There are many many threads on here about unreasonable MILs - this thread seems to me an excellent example of what some MIL's have to contend with. OP you are trying to make something out of nothing (I see you have now come up with a workable solution, but will no doubt store this up as a reason to feel irritated with your MIL anyway). One day you will be a MIL yourself - I hope you get the sons and/or daughters in law you deserve. Have a nice day out - I agree with other posters who have already pointed out that what is really unreasonable of you is thinking this might be possible at a theme park on an August bank holiday.

Original poster
hidinginthenightgarden · 28/08/2017 10:24

I Am not expecting it to be an awful day. I have just paid for her ticket to join us, as we are comfortably sat in the back of the car together. We get along just fine and will do. It hasn't occurred to me to put a car seat in the front. Never had to before!

OP posts:
Mittens1969 · 28/08/2017 10:25

Why have you even asked on here? It's a daft question, of course you should sit in the back.

I don't get on great with my MIL either but I wouldn't ever refuse to sit in the back seat for her. She travels to us by coach as she doesn't like travelling long distance. She's bigger than me so I always sit in the back seat. My DDs love it.

My MIL is very polite and always offers to sit in the back seat but I say, no you should sit in the front. She usually wants to talk to my DH so it gives her a chance to do that and she's hard of hearing.

Why use 2 cars anyway? If surely makes more sense to all go together.

WomblingThree · 28/08/2017 10:30

I'd be chuffed to nuts that my MIL wouldn't fit in the back as it would mean I could stay at home and not trail round a boiling hot theme park on the busiest day of the summer!

Nousernameforme · 28/08/2017 10:30

I used the words graced with her presence because she was um-ing and ah-ing about going anyway so obviously wasn't too bothered about it and didn't let them know till late on.

Glad you have found a solution op I don't think you deserve the slating you received here. I don't think this speaks to anything other than annoyance at having to squash yourself between two seats when it would have been easily avoidable