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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

He's only bloody 13 years old FFS

273 replies

youmayfoldunderquestioning · 27/08/2017 23:45

My son was 13 yesterday. Today we went to ASDA and a woman that works there was staring at him. She could not take her eyes off him. She obviously realised that I had clocked her and she started saying that she couldn't believe how much taller he was than me. She couldn't have known how old he was, or that he was taller than average. It was like she was trying to justify the staring. She was blushing and apologising but I felt very uneasy about the staring.

Then tonight we went out for dinner. The waitress was in her 40's. She came over to our table numerous times and was trying to talk to DS. She was saying he looked at least 16 and how good looking he was. She had obviously overheard his name and kept saying it when talking to him. He was uncomfortable with her attention and we left after our main course as we could not have any conversation without her coming over and interrupting. She only spoke to DS and not me and it felt wrong.

My son is a nice looking boy but he's a child not an adult. We don't go out in public together that often anymore (as he's embarrassed to be seen out with his mum) but these two incidents made me very uncomfortable. WIBU to say something the next time this happens?

OP posts:
user1498240695 · 27/08/2017 23:50

I would but then it happens to my DD from men all the time and worse still she had ASD. It's creepy and vile. I totally understand why you're pissed off.

sonlypuppyfat · 27/08/2017 23:54

My DD is a beautiful but shy girl, all lips and long blond hair. Even when she was little grown men would stare at her. Bastards it made me so angry

youmayfoldunderquestioning · 27/08/2017 23:56

I was so annoyed. We had gone out for his birthday together and it was ruined by this woman who came over every ten minutes asking him questions and telling him he looked older than he is and that if he'd ordered a beer she would have served him. She also said that he must have lots of girlfriends. It just felt wrong so we left after the main course. She also went out of her way to talk to him on our way out of the restaurant.

OP posts:
scrabbler3 · 27/08/2017 23:58

If he's very good looking he'll need to learn to deal with unwanted attention. That's the way it is. Society values looks, sadly.

I was a plain kid at primary school but I lost weight at 13, got a great haircut and started getting loads of compliments and attention, which I was unused to. In some cases it was seedy but usually people were just being pleasant (I seriously doubt either woman thought she had a chance of being your son's gf or wanted that - if you'd remonstrated with them it could have been extremely awkward)

GriefLeavesItsMark · 27/08/2017 23:59

How embarrassing for him.

scrabbler3 · 27/08/2017 23:59

But I agree, it's irritating. From experience!

youmayfoldunderquestioning · 28/08/2017 00:01

I think he's good looking but he's my son so I'm going to think that. I've never seen such out and out flirting. Yes he might have to get used to it but he's a child at the moment.

OP posts:
KarmaNoMore · 28/08/2017 00:02

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Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Justaboy · 28/08/2017 00:03

Babe magnet in the making!!

KarmaNoMore · 28/08/2017 00:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

youmayfoldunderquestioning · 28/08/2017 00:07

No. It wasn't niceness. We were in conversation and she was interrupting every ten minutes. I know flirting when I see it. He doesn't particularly look like a child as he's 6ft tall and quite classically handsome but she knew how old he was because I told her that he was 13 yesterday.

His looks come from his dad who was absolutely gorgeous when he was younger so it's sod all to do with me and my genes!

OP posts:
Willow2017 · 28/08/2017 00:11

You could have said politely to her that you didnt need her services right now and would like to talk to your son in peace please.

(Or asked why she kept pestering your son as she was making him uncomfortable as he was only 13!)

Very unprofessional to pester a diner during their meal. I would have asked for the manager if she had not stayed away after being told. Nobody should be made to feel uncomfortable during a night out.

(but your son is obviously a stunner, watch out for the line of girls at his door Wink )

Shemozzle · 28/08/2017 00:12

Whilst I agree strangers frequently make inappropriate comments about children's looks etc I wouldn't assume it was because they were inappropriately attracted to him. Waiting staff inparticilar tend to go overboard on being friendly. It's in their job description. They want tips. They've just said the wrong thing.

I honestly can't leave the house without being stopped by strangers so they can stop and stroke the cheeks of and find out the names and ages of my perfectly average looking children. It's nearly always elderly or drunk people. Unfortunately there are a lot of each where I live. Yesterday one even kissed my baby son without asking and said 'such a shame he has bigger eyes than her' (my daughter). I try not to let any of it upset me. Usually the most offensive people get so much joy out of these awkward interactions I just suck it up.

KickAssAngel · 28/08/2017 00:13

I think you need to start saying "my child and I are trying to have some uninterrupted time, thank you" to anyone who keeps talking.

It's just ridiculous that people think they can approach you/him just because they think he's good looking, and really intrusive.

KarmaNoMore · 28/08/2017 00:13

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Message withdrawn at poster's request.

youmayfoldunderquestioning · 28/08/2017 00:14

I was just upset. She just would not piss off and I had been looking forward to a nice leisurely meal with my son. He was obviously uncomfortable with the attention as he mentioned it when we left.

OP posts:
WomblingThree · 28/08/2017 00:14

Justaboy what a twattish remark.

OP what do you think you are being unreasonable about?

youmayfoldunderquestioning · 28/08/2017 00:17

I think it was the fact that she was using his name over and over and saying she would post something on twitter about him. It was just off.

OP posts:
KarmaNoMore · 28/08/2017 00:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

KarmaNoMore · 28/08/2017 00:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

rightknockered · 28/08/2017 00:19

This happens. I've seen it myself. I think some people, men or women, just can't control their gaze. People stare at people who are good-looking. He'll have to learn to handle it, maybe you should talk to him about it.
My daughter is 7, and has been winked at by grown men, now there is no way they could mistake her for older. No fucking way

mathanxiety · 28/08/2017 00:19

You should have asked for a manager. Don't be passive in situations like that. Your child needs protection - unlike some posters here, I do not automatically think this was just banter. I have a male relative who in his teens was put in a very uncomfortable position by a woman in her 30s.

youmayfoldunderquestioning · 28/08/2017 00:19

I was asking if I would be unreasonable to tell whoever it was next time to piss off.

OP posts:
youmayfoldunderquestioning · 28/08/2017 00:21

I know he's popular with girls his own age. That's fine even if they keep knocking on my door asking for him. Older women is not ok.

OP posts:
pinkingshears · 28/08/2017 00:21

I was buying coffee with my ds.
The lass looked up from the coffee machine, and went pink.
She blurted: ;'oh I thought y ou were my partner, you look exactly like him'. Ds was bemused and went off to get a tray.
Whilst he was gone I asked her: how old do you think he is?
she looked embarassed and said: 18?
I said: he is 12...
I htink she died inside a little...
He IS beautiful, not that I am biased...

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