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AIBU?

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Original poster

He's only bloody 13 years old FFS

273 replies

youmayfoldunderquestioning · 27/08/2017 23:45

My son was 13 yesterday. Today we went to ASDA and a woman that works there was staring at him. She could not take her eyes off him. She obviously realised that I had clocked her and she started saying that she couldn't believe how much taller he was than me. She couldn't have known how old he was, or that he was taller than average. It was like she was trying to justify the staring. She was blushing and apologising but I felt very uneasy about the staring.

Then tonight we went out for dinner. The waitress was in her 40's. She came over to our table numerous times and was trying to talk to DS. She was saying he looked at least 16 and how good looking he was. She had obviously overheard his name and kept saying it when talking to him. He was uncomfortable with her attention and we left after our main course as we could not have any conversation without her coming over and interrupting. She only spoke to DS and not me and it felt wrong.

My son is a nice looking boy but he's a child not an adult. We don't go out in public together that often anymore (as he's embarrassed to be seen out with his mum) but these two incidents made me very uncomfortable. WIBU to say something the next time this happens?

OP posts:
FastWindow · 28/08/2017 02:57

I find it difficult to believe that a professional waitress would come on to a 13 year old. In the presence of his mother, who has made his age clear.
Waitresses are not in the habit of this in the first place. We have a job to do. It does not include what the op is implying.

FrustratedTeddyLamp · 28/08/2017 02:59

And it's a 40 year old mans job to do it to a girl when he's at work?

FastWindow · 28/08/2017 03:08

frustratedteddy you are going to have to clarify that post a whole lot before I misundersand you.

FrustratedTeddyLamp · 28/08/2017 03:35

You claim that it's not a professional waitress job to come onto a 13 year old, yet there are countless examples I'm sure many have heard of male wait staff coming onto young girls/ young women. With this in mind I don't see why it happening to a boy is essentially just dismissed as not happening, not just by you but by others also. I get that it happens to young women more but seems a little shitty to not believe it because it happened to a boy and without wanting to get into a big massive debate about it demonstrates the kind of attitude why boys/ men don't speak out when they have incidents happen.

Cavender · 28/08/2017 03:36

Fluffypineapple

"Is it only tall girls who can be pretty"

What are you talking about?

Long didn't say anything of the sort! Only that her DD was tall (which presumably and not unreasonably contributes to her looking older).

nooka · 28/08/2017 04:02

My very tall dd has had men take her for a good few years older than she was (similarly to the OP, thought to be over 18 at 12/13) and I would say it was very much not her responsibility as a tween/ young teen to deflect the attention. dh or I always intervened with a quiet word in the ear of the adult who was a bit too interested, or their parent if they were around, and the man always backed away very quickly indeed. Now she is almost 17 she can totally handle herself, but the OP's son is really pretty young and probably doesn't have the social confidence to manage adult attention of that nature.

In answer to your question OP, yes you should say something. The first incident just sounds irritating, but the waitress really needed to be told to back off, including a word with her manager if she didn't stay away after being asked to leave you alone (I think I'd have tried something along the lines of 'we have everything we need thank you, please can we enjoy our meal in peace now, or maybe just a firm stare with a 'that's enough now').

BunnyNeeded · 28/08/2017 04:26

Oh, this is still here? Confused

FastWindow · 28/08/2017 04:47

Yeh, I wasnt paying attention. Rookie error, ffs.Confused

Oblomov17 · 28/08/2017 05:30

Is this about to be deleted?
OP said she didn't do anything, she didn't know what to do.
Now she does. She should have been much more assertive and told the waitress that her attention to her son was inappropriate/OTT and to leave them in peace.
Simples.

Pengggwn · 28/08/2017 05:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

itisasmallworldisntit · 28/08/2017 06:08

So the waitress also said that even though he was 13 she would still server him beer?
And post about this "real" event on Twitter?
And you said nothing about to get about this? A grown woman chatting up a 13 year old?

JuicyStrawberry · 28/08/2017 06:19

HOWEVER, remember that teenage girls have it much, much worse than teenage boys.

Confused I'm sure the op knows this without people ramming it down her throat when she dares to feel uncomfortable about unwanted attention her son gets from grown women.

BigFatGoalie · 28/08/2017 06:34

Did nina just "whatever"??

Gosh, how long until schools go back? 😒

RainyApril · 28/08/2017 06:35

Op, if he's very good looking and tall enough to pass for an 18yo then I can believe that he gets admiring looks that make him uncomfortable and annoy you.

But surely the waitress was just being extra attentive because she knew it was his birthday? No sane person would flirt so outrageously with an adolescent in front of his mum, at risk of getting in trouble at work, once she'd been told he was 13.

ButtMuncher · 28/08/2017 06:51

I hit puberty really early - breasts at 12, was about 5ft 2 tall and was wearing size 10 when all my friends were still in kids clothing.

Honestly it was awful the amount of leeching - I obviously looked older, but half the cat calls happened in my school uniform. This was the mid 90s but I doubt much has changed really, particularly for women and sexualised society.

ButtHiccup · 28/08/2017 07:01

My 12 yr old dd2 looks like a 12 year old .Is the height of a 12 year old has the petite frame of a 12 year old , but has the most enormous boobs (E-F cup Size on a tiny 28 inch frame) which have developed almost overnight.She has to cope with constant staring and comments from adult men

Op in your case the waitress was just hankering for a big tip

StyleCommander · 28/08/2017 07:02

You're being a little paranoid.

My sister and I aren't unattractive in a model kind of way (I allegedly look like Mark Owen, while my sister is an English Rose, think Michelle Dockery). When we were 13 and onwards, people did and still do comment on our looks. They also comment on my parents looks. One woman I worked with said my mum looks like a porcelain doll while my dad has the rugged good looks of a Hell's Angel.

Most of the time, especially from women, these throwaway comments are just that. A compliment. When my parents moved into their current house when I was at boarding school, her neighbour saw me gardening and said to my mum 'He's a handsome sod'.

There was no sexualization to it. It was simply a compliment. I'm gay, but I can appreciate women's good looks. It doesn't make it sexual. The same with my male clients, I'm more than happy to give them an ego boost while I'm deciding on a style for them. It doesn't mean I want to hop into bed with them.

missmollyhadadolly · 28/08/2017 07:07

When we arrived she asked if it was a special occasion and I told her it was his 13th birthday

Was it his actual birthday when you went?

bigmouthstrikesagain · 28/08/2017 07:10

I don't find this that hard to believe. People have been making fools off themselves over good looking people since people existed. Not just men.

I was a tall 13 yo and started getting unwanted attention at that age. My tall little brother had a 16 yo predatory acting girl friend when he was 13, mum was not happy! It is not that hard to imagine a young teen of either sex getting flirtatious attention even from a professional waitress ( because not all waiting staff are that dedicated to their jobs).

Henrythehoover · 28/08/2017 07:11

A woman stopped my 12yr old dd the other day to tell her that some people pay good money for a bum like hers! Poor dd looked completely miffed.

Shes so self conscious and lives in a hoodie and jeans but I still see people staring at her it's scary. She's taller than me and just doesn't look 12. I never had any of that as I was a short little fat kid with frizzy hair it's so strange and scary.

ILoveMillhousesDad · 28/08/2017 07:18

Babe magnet in the making

You absolute prick.

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 28/08/2017 07:22

We've had this.

My ds was stunning at 13 and turned heads all the time. His elder brothers are very envious 😀. But to him it was a pain, He is quite shy and disliked the attention, and grew his hair long to bring over his face and was thrilled up need glasses and chose heavy black frames to hide his face! At 17 now, he's still good looking but not quite as noticeable.

I think you need to teach him to manage the attention. We didn't, and he chose disguise techniques! You aren't going to be with him all the time to fend off these women (and men) and unwanted staring/comments.

People are drawn to looking at people in general. They just are.

Nousernameforme · 28/08/2017 07:23

She wasn't simply saying he was a good looking lad though was she? She repeatedly came over to exclaim on his personal appearance which must of been embarrassing for him.

She was inappropriate, YWNBU if it happens again you do have to call them out if only just to prove to your son that it isn't acceptable and not something he has to put up with.

He is going to have to deal with these comments on his own soon enough this is your time to teach him how

morningrunner · 28/08/2017 07:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BertrandRussell · 28/08/2017 07:39

I am always a bit sceptical about threads Ike this because there are always attempts to prove that women are as "bad" as men when it comes to sexual abuse.

But if it is true, OP, then you should have, as I hope any of us would have done if the child was a girl and the waiter a man, is ask him to leave you alone, that you will call if you need anything, and if he persisted, ask to speak to the manager.