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AIBU?

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Original poster

He's only bloody 13 years old FFS

273 replies

youmayfoldunderquestioning · 27/08/2017 23:45

My son was 13 yesterday. Today we went to ASDA and a woman that works there was staring at him. She could not take her eyes off him. She obviously realised that I had clocked her and she started saying that she couldn't believe how much taller he was than me. She couldn't have known how old he was, or that he was taller than average. It was like she was trying to justify the staring. She was blushing and apologising but I felt very uneasy about the staring.

Then tonight we went out for dinner. The waitress was in her 40's. She came over to our table numerous times and was trying to talk to DS. She was saying he looked at least 16 and how good looking he was. She had obviously overheard his name and kept saying it when talking to him. He was uncomfortable with her attention and we left after our main course as we could not have any conversation without her coming over and interrupting. She only spoke to DS and not me and it felt wrong.

My son is a nice looking boy but he's a child not an adult. We don't go out in public together that often anymore (as he's embarrassed to be seen out with his mum) but these two incidents made me very uncomfortable. WIBU to say something the next time this happens?

OP posts:
EddieHay81 · 28/08/2017 16:26

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Listopia · 28/08/2017 16:47

female privilege / matriarchy in action #everydaysexism

Neutrogena · 28/08/2017 18:43

People always state at beautiful things, be them cars, shoes, houses or people. It's impossible to know from a state if that person is having sexual thoughts or is just mesmerized by the beauty of youth.
Obviously flirting etc is a give away, but a stare cannot be said to be sexual.

I stare at beauty, I also stare at people I think I recognise, and people who look like people I know.

I dont think every man mentally undresses every teenage girl. It is often far more innocent

Lauralou69 · 28/08/2017 18:52

I dont think every man mentally undresses every teenage girl. It is often far more innocent

😂😂😂😂😂😂😂 okay 😂😂😂😂😂

LorLorr2 · 28/08/2017 19:14

listopia eh?

StrangeLookingParasite · 28/08/2017 20:01

female privilege / matriarchy in action #everydaysexism

I may have just sprained my eyeballs. Hmm

EnthusiasmIsDisturbed · 28/08/2017 21:46

Oh Lordy people people being mesmerised by the beauty of youth they can't help themselves staring Hmm

Ahh that's what it is I wonder if they can't help making remarks, staring at boobs, legs shouting crude remarks

It's what some creep would say thinking its flattering it isn't and heard it too often it was nothing to do with my beauty it was to do with them thinking it's ok to objectify me becuase I was young

Willow2017 · 28/08/2017 21:56

Neutrogena

Really, a 40yr old man staring at a 13yr old girl is just him appreciating her 'beauty'. Of course he is...silly to think otherwise.

Did nobody ever tell you when you were a kid that its rude to stare?

Sunbittern · 28/08/2017 22:13

We live in a world of thickos, concerned only by the way others look.

Good thing for those with more brain cells though as they usually end up living happy, fulfilled and enriched lived

Fuck all shallow people. They're a waste of precious oxygen.

SoPassRemarkable · 28/08/2017 23:21

Oh I don't think this thread is a boast at all.

STRONGandSTABLE · 28/08/2017 23:27

Ugh - just ugh.... when my DD (now 20) was 12, I was horrified by how many men stared at her. Even on our annual Cornwall holidays, where we met the same families year after year, all the husbands kept commenting about how 'grown up' and 'attractive' she was. It just felt creepy. She was a child.

BalletFlatsSaggyTats · 28/08/2017 23:51

I can not begin to imagine, as a woman around the age of 40, that I would ever look at a teenage boy lustfully. Let alone flirt with one.

Eurgh. Makes my skin crawl.

Neutrogena · 29/08/2017 08:27

@BalletFlatsSaggyTats

But you could appreciate the beauty of a 13 yrs old (boy or girl) right?
There is something about the bloom of youth.
Young people who just look so healthy and fit and full of life.

BalletFlatsSaggyTats · 29/08/2017 08:49

Yes, in the same way as I can appreciate a beautiful puppy. I wouldn't be flirting with said puppy!

Sunbittern · 29/08/2017 09:44

Well I don't "appreciate the beauty" of teenagers. Definitely subconscious hebophilia going on there. Even if you can't admit that yourself.

Willow2017 · 29/08/2017 13:01

I can think what a handsome young man/beautiful young girl in passing but I dont STARE at them like some exhibit in a museum or an animal at the zoo thats just plain rude.

Surprised nobody has told you that in the past.

NewDaddie · 29/08/2017 15:28

@Sunbittern

My god daughter is only 2 years old. She's quiet and not very friendly and doesn't 'stand out' in the play group or nct etc and one of her parents complaints was that she's often left to her own devices or ignored.

But when she smiles she has the most gorgeous big full eyes. I noticed it when she plays with my dd and she is 'big sister' and comes out of her shell more. Some of the ways I've described her eyes and smiling face is "beautiful", "disney princess", and....

Shock "eyes you could fall in love with"Shock.

Should I report myself to the authorities right now?

And her parents for repeating it.

And the childcare professionals who found her 'star quality' and a simple way to connect with my intelligent, shy goddaughter.

You can do far more harm than good with that sub-conscious hebephilia bullshit. And next time leave the big words you don't know how to spell properly alone.

EvilDoctorBallerinaDuck · 29/08/2017 15:36

YANBU. If you've made his age clear, any continued flirting is just creepy. I suspect I'll have to deal with this with DS2 when he's a bit older. 😷

canteatcustard · 29/08/2017 15:58

when my son was 12 he was well over 6ft and had board shoulders basically had the body of a big man and a cherubic face.
While on holiday in great yarmouth as we walked down some shops me pushing my niece with 5 other kids, some sleezy gay fellas came up put there arms on his shoulders, and started trying to chat him up. I was very direct and shouted at them to leave my 12 yr old son! They reluctantly moved away.
Son was so confused, and to cheer him up I brought him and his brothers some water pistols to play with.
Son is now 24yrs 6ft 6 and still has no problem attracting attention of woman and men.

Isetan · 29/08/2017 17:25

This was a missed opportunity for your son to witness you standing up for him. This type of unwanted attention, unfortunately is a part of life and asserting yourself is a skill that we need to show and teach our children.

I understand your rant but your energies are better focussed on something positive that will benefit your son.

User1725352718263 · 29/08/2017 22:42

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LassWiTheDelicateAir · 29/08/2017 23:48

Well I don't "appreciate the beauty" of teenagers. Definitely subconscious hebophilia going on there. Even if you can't admit that yourself

Oh don't be so pompous. There are people of all ages who are beautiful - noticing that doesn't make you into a sexual pervert- or does the fact I noticed that the woman sitting next to me in the hairdressers last week was obviously well over 60 but stunningly beautiful make me a closet lesbian gerontophile?


Walkingdead11 · 29/08/2017 23:55

User....and you know this how??

libbyliz83 · 30/08/2017 01:24

I think people should look up the meaning of words before they judge others........js

nooka · 30/08/2017 02:47

NewDaddie sunbittern used an appropriate word, correctly spelled. There is a debate to be had about the line between aesthetic appreciation of how someone looks and attraction, but finding young adolescents sexually attractive is termed hebephilia.