He's only bloody 13 years old FFS

[youmayfoldunderquestioning]

My son was 13 yesterday. Today we went to ASDA and a woman that works there was staring at him. She could not take her eyes off him. She obviously realised that I had clocked her and she started saying that she couldn't believe how much taller he was than me. She couldn't have known how old he was, or that he was taller than average. It was like she was trying to justify the staring. She was blushing and apologising but I felt very uneasy about the staring.

Then tonight we went out for dinner. The waitress was in her 40's. She came over to our table numerous times and was trying to talk to DS. She was saying he looked at least 16 and how good looking he was. She had obviously overheard his name and kept saying it when talking to him. He was uncomfortable with her attention and we left after our main course as we could not have any conversation without her coming over and interrupting. She only spoke to DS and not me and it felt wrong.

My son is a nice looking boy but he's a child not an adult. We don't go out in public together that often anymore (as he's embarrassed to be seen out with his mum) but these two incidents made me very uncomfortable. WIBU to say something the next time this happens?

Yes we talked about it and he said he didn't want to go there again.

Well, Iwould write to the restaurant and complain as her behaviour was not professional, from the sound of it, and you didn't enjoy your meal because of her. There's friendly and helpful, and then there's, what, officious? over-zealous? interfering?

It was just uncomfortable. My DS normally hangs out with his mates on a Saturday night and I had been looking forward to having a proper chat with him and that was cut short by her almost constant interruptions.

I don't know why I didn't either. I'm normally quite blunt but it was just so odd that i didn't know what to do.

No , I don't understand why you didn't say anything at the time.

So far as telling him he looked older than he is and that if he'd ordered a beer she would have served him, does he look over 25 then? Is there any person in the licensed trade who hasn't had Challenge 21 /Challenge 25 drummed into them?

Maybe OP you just kept hoping she would get it and move away.

I don't think you should turn it into a negative thing for him. He was embarrassed but possibly that was heightened because he sensed your discomfort. I would have laughed it off, assuming that at least 99 out of a hundred people wouldn't be serious about flirting with him once they knew his age!
As he gets older he will have to deal with compliments and flirting graciously and firmly, not letting them make him overconfident or overly self conscious and shy. Tell him his appearance might give him an initial advantage in life but then his personality and ability will be what's truly important after first impressions.

There have been threads from mum's about men staring at underage girls and giving them unwanted attention. Nobody said the poster was being OTT or bloody stealth boasting, or said maybe she will get zits soon and they will stop

I believe you OP.

He's lucky to be manly and handsome but I agree he is a child and still vulnerable mentally. Unfortunately not everyone will see it that way maybe even including your ds. Because he looks the part there may be pressure on him to act the part too so he might not ask for help and deal with adult issues far too early. Keep an eye out for the older but smaller/less developed boys picking on him out of jealousy. And look out for changes in his behaviour.

Me and my brothers were similar but fine because we all had that little bit of the nasty streak in us but my dnephew is a complete sweetheart and a proper big friendly giant so we worry about him all the time.

You are the adult. It's your responsibility to protect him.

Why didn't you shut her down?

It would have been quite easy to do with a sharp look and a cold tone.

Failing that excuse yourself from the table and discreetly speak to her or her manager about her inappropriately behaviour.

Jeez, MN's weird these past couple of days. Anyone would think it was a Bank Holiday weekend or something.
What the OP's describing is very uncomfortable, not to mention annoying.
Where does stealth boasting come into it?

Unwanted attention is a negative thing. It is how you handle it that counts.

Wanted attention is very different, I think the OP's son will know the difference.

Yes, agree JuicyStrawberry we all know what it is like for older men to eye up young girls, horrible.

Pressed too soon. I have a just turned 14 ds. He still looks young for his age though, compared to some of his friends the same age in his class.
Some of them do look a lot older, deep voices, and tower above me.
Could easily pass for a good few years older.
They're still CHILDREN though, they're naive and still not emotionally developed properly.
I can see why you'd be freaked out, I'd probably have felt uncomfortable out as well in that scenario.

I would be cross that she said she would serve him a beer if he as he's 5 years underage and that's very wrong. And her behaviour was embarrassing and totally inappropriate. I think you could still make a complaint to the manager about it.

Love how we constantly here and experience young girls getting leered at but if it's a boy must be making it up!

This never happened. "Even if they keep knocking on my door asking for him" proved it - do you really think these days we knock on doors asking for people we fancy? Have you never heard of snapchat? Report thread, move on.

If 'report and move on' was really your attitude, you'd have done just that. But instead you're spewing bile. What do you get out of it?

Even if they keep knocking on my door asking for him" proved it

People do still knock on doors for others, my ds of the same age has friends calling for him to go out. Yes, people are glued to devices and social media nowadays but actual door knocking does still happen!
If you don't believe, don't troll hunt. By your own advice, report.

I think you need to talk to him about how to handle older women. I honestly think he's in a bit of danger of being interfered with. We tell girls they can say "no" and stay about from people who are creepy, but often boys don't get those same messages.

What does his father say? Did he have these same issues when he was an adolescent?

Er my kids' admirers knock on the door for them NoLove. DS2 is 11 and not into social media or girls. He gets girls in his class knocking for him though.

DD1 was pretty cagey with her social media too. Had quite a few random lads knock on the door for her. Most awkwardly I once cheerily invited them in thinking they were friends of DS1. DD1 was not impressed.

So report it then, noloveofmine.

So true @NoLoveofMine it's the stalking of Instagram to see if their snapchat username is in their bio to add