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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

He's only bloody 13 years old FFS

273 replies

youmayfoldunderquestioning · 27/08/2017 23:45

My son was 13 yesterday. Today we went to ASDA and a woman that works there was staring at him. She could not take her eyes off him. She obviously realised that I had clocked her and she started saying that she couldn't believe how much taller he was than me. She couldn't have known how old he was, or that he was taller than average. It was like she was trying to justify the staring. She was blushing and apologising but I felt very uneasy about the staring.

Then tonight we went out for dinner. The waitress was in her 40's. She came over to our table numerous times and was trying to talk to DS. She was saying he looked at least 16 and how good looking he was. She had obviously overheard his name and kept saying it when talking to him. He was uncomfortable with her attention and we left after our main course as we could not have any conversation without her coming over and interrupting. She only spoke to DS and not me and it felt wrong.

My son is a nice looking boy but he's a child not an adult. We don't go out in public together that often anymore (as he's embarrassed to be seen out with his mum) but these two incidents made me very uncomfortable. WIBU to say something the next time this happens?

OP posts:
kittybiscuits · 28/08/2017 07:39

She was over-familiar and inappropriate. I completely understand how you feel about someone trying to relate to your child as an attractive adult when they are very much a child. There are quite a number of massively inappropriate comments on this thread. I woud complain in writing to the restaurant with all the inappropriate comments in quotation marks and citing the behaviours. She may actually consider how inappropriate it was in the cold light of day and change her behaviour in future. I would start to think of some stock comments to make if the situation recurs. You have already had a good suggestion. I would also consider 'Who is the restaurant manager please, I would like to speak to them'. It does happen a lot to young girls. But it is equally inappropriate when it happens to boys and equally embarrassing.

Papafran · 28/08/2017 07:41

I'd best break it to her gently that only tall girls are considered worthy of attention... (I won't really. I've never heard such rubbish in my life! Only yesterday DD was, discretely, passed a phone number of some middle aged pervert. Not for the first time

FluffyPineapple you genuinely sound like you're proud and boasting that middle aged men hit on your teenage daughter. You need to give your head a wobble I think.

Papafran · 28/08/2017 07:43

Also OP, I think if you told the waitress that it was his 13th birthday, she was making a fuss because of that. Not because she fancied him.

WelshMoth · 28/08/2017 07:50

There are some right dick heads on MN these days.

OP, I hear you. Male or female, unwanted attention is grim.
Unwanted attention on a child is crossing the line and should get all our paternal instincts raging.

DD is 11 and is already 5'5" and despite being thin as a weed, I clock men dropping the gaze to look at her bottom. I stare the men out and some clock me and have the decency to avert their eyes.

I agree with posters up above who suggest that you start preparing him and definitely agree with nipping situations like this in the bud. "Thanks, my child and I are ok. I'll call you over if we need anything" is polite but gets your point across. I would happily challenge anyone with a "how old do you think they are?" (not in front of the DC) to shame them into wising-up and acting appropriately.

Falconhoof1 · 28/08/2017 07:55

Fwiw there was a very mature looking attractive boy in my first year at high school and a couple of the female teachers flirted with him! At 12/13!

Flyingflipflop · 28/08/2017 08:03

It is notable that they do this often, precisely because most women would never dream of flirting with or feeling sexually attracted to an adolescent boy.

This made me laugh. It's not uncommon to read of female teachers going with pupils, the same as it isn't with males. Never seems to be the same uproar though. Just look at all the apologists for Bridgette Macron we've seen on MN over the last few days.

I'm not sure if guys were cracking onto a 13 year old girl we would have had the OP accused of stealth boasting, told he should get used to it, outright lying or being deluded.

Willow2017 · 28/08/2017 08:03

Loving the fact that it can't have happened because
A) he is a boy.
B) women wouldn't do that.
C) waitressses are too professional to bug someone at thier table (unless it's to get extra tips from a 13yr old apparently?)

The waitress was out of line she knew how old he was yet she kept forcing her attention on him. Making customers feel uncomfortable is not the way to get more tips.
Continually stating the obvious is not professional nor is it pleasant for the person you are bugging.

If it's not ok for men to do it to young girls it's not ok for women to do it to young boys. Nobody would dream of replying to a post about a male waiter doing this to a girl by telling the mum to tell her to laugh it off. Unwanted attention is not acceptable for anyone.
Thought such blatent sexism didn't get such credence on MN. It's 2017 ffs.

diddl · 28/08/2017 08:10

I do find it hard to think that a waitress would have tried to chat up a 13yr old in front of his mum!

StrangeLookingParasite · 28/08/2017 08:10

Sounds like stealth boasting, frankly. Stop going on about it. Jeez

God I am sick to death of this stupid accusation. The level of mean-spiritedness necessary to always look at the world in this narrow negative way just depresses me. You miserable git.

BertrandRussell · 28/08/2017 08:14

This reply has been deleted

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kittybiscuits · 28/08/2017 08:17

Wow, Mumsnet posters excel themselves once again. What a shit forum this has become.

Lovemusic33 · 28/08/2017 08:23

I have worked as a waitress in several different restaurants and pubs, no way would I have been able to chat for more than a few seconds to anyone like that, I have been chatted up by loads of slime ball men though but just walked away. If this did really happen you should have had a word with management about her behaviour, she was meant to be working not butting in on your evening with ds.

Allthewaves · 28/08/2017 08:28

Oh god this reminds me when I was 17 and on holiday with youth group. We met other teens from another branch and I was flirting horrendously with a guy 6ft gorgeous. We had a chaste kiss at the end of evening and held hands. Found out next day he was 13. I have never been so mortified in my whole life. He was lovely lad, more worldly than me, I assumed he was 17 like me as he was so mature.

I still want to crawl under a table when i think about it.

Neutrogena · 28/08/2017 08:35

This is a burden of beauty, a cross a few of us have to bear...

nameissues · 28/08/2017 08:41

Haven't read the whole thread, but this reminds me of my colleague seeing a picture of my 15 year old son and saying mmm, he's good looking. She flirts with everyone and I remember thinking that I hope she never meets him as I will not be able to bear the innuendo will have to hit her round the head with a frying pan if she says anything.

Anyway, she is unlikely to meet him as he would never come to where I work or do anything else which involves effort apart from school work.

nameissues · 28/08/2017 08:47

Also reminds me of the time my neighbour suggested that when the time comes my then 14 year old son might have his first sexual experience with a prostitute (because this is what happened with her dh). WTAF Angry. I'd forgotten about that.

Edgeofthedesert · 28/08/2017 08:47

Gosh MN really is the only place where their children are so beautiful admirers are falling at their feet the second they walk out the front door.

mumoseven · 28/08/2017 08:47

On a train last week, as I was travelling with my nearly 12 year old son, a woman and her teen daughter sat across the aisle and facing us.
My boy ( who is gorgeous, obvs) nudged me and whispered ' they just took a photo of me!' He was adamant. He said 'don't make a fuss mum' because he knows what I'm like. I wish I had. Like, I would deffo have made a fuss if it had been a bloke taking pics, so why not a woman?

Willow2017 · 28/08/2017 08:50

She dudnt have to be 'chatting him up' for it to be unwanted attention.
ANY attention that makes you feel uncomfortable or pestered is not welcome.

OP has not said the place was busy and staff were rushed off their feet its perfectly reasonable to assume that the waitress stopped at thier table every time she went past.

She should have left him alone to enjoy his meal with his mum.

nakedscientist · 28/08/2017 08:53

tinkly Had quite a few random lads knock on the door for her. Most awkwardly I once cheerily invited them in thinking they were friends of DS1. DD1 was not impressed.

Haha yes, done this! Specially laughed at the *cheerily, you have to do a lot of that with random gaggles of teens!

Bluelonerose · 28/08/2017 09:00

When we were on holiday this woman came over and kept telling me how beautiful my daughter is and I should lock her up!
She's almost 13 but hadn't developed much yet so was bit creepy!

DamnDeDoubtanceIsSpartacus · 28/08/2017 09:05

What a horrible experience. I have had blokes leering at dd since she was ten, shouting out in the street, whistling, coming up and touching her hair. One random bloke the other day called her a bitch and walked off, she is 12 years old. It is relentless. When I point out her age they don't seem to care. Assholes.

DamnDeDoubtanceIsSpartacus · 28/08/2017 09:07

To be honest being pestered when you are trying to have some time alone with your kid is bloody rude, maybe email the place.

Aurao · 28/08/2017 09:10

she knew how old he was because I told her that he was 13 yesterday.

EEWWWWWW

indulgentberries · 28/08/2017 09:11

6 ft tall at 13?! No wonder people think he might be older but they should stop interrupting your night out to comment.