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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

He's only bloody 13 years old FFS

273 replies

youmayfoldunderquestioning · 27/08/2017 23:45

My son was 13 yesterday. Today we went to ASDA and a woman that works there was staring at him. She could not take her eyes off him. She obviously realised that I had clocked her and she started saying that she couldn't believe how much taller he was than me. She couldn't have known how old he was, or that he was taller than average. It was like she was trying to justify the staring. She was blushing and apologising but I felt very uneasy about the staring.

Then tonight we went out for dinner. The waitress was in her 40's. She came over to our table numerous times and was trying to talk to DS. She was saying he looked at least 16 and how good looking he was. She had obviously overheard his name and kept saying it when talking to him. He was uncomfortable with her attention and we left after our main course as we could not have any conversation without her coming over and interrupting. She only spoke to DS and not me and it felt wrong.

My son is a nice looking boy but he's a child not an adult. We don't go out in public together that often anymore (as he's embarrassed to be seen out with his mum) but these two incidents made me very uncomfortable. WIBU to say something the next time this happens?

OP posts:

Changeschangechangeagain · 30/08/2017 03:11

Don't know if anyone has mentioned it but you need to be wary of older men being over-friendly with your son too.

An ex-relative was very pretty as a child. By talking to him it was obvious he was not an adult. There was some dodgy modelling and his mother was more interested in the money than protecting her son. More lots of drink and drugs and lack of supervision but we wonder what else went on.

He learnt to deal with it though and uses it too his advantage. He's a bit of player. He was a sweet child is a stranger now.

Buddy14 · 30/08/2017 09:11

It's gross and not acceptable if she was told he was 13. I would speak to the police personally. If a man was doing this to any mumsnet readers daughters after being told she was 13 , people would be viewing it seriously. It should be treated exactly the same.

WomblingThree · 30/08/2017 10:17

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Mittens1969 · 30/08/2017 11:12

I agree, it's just not true! It's a terrible thing to say.

NewDaddie · 30/08/2017 15:22

The only thing @Sunbittern was right about, was in their earlier post.

We live in a world of thickos

Unless the second 'e' can be replaced with an 'o' then Hebephilia was misspelt. Or you can't read @nooka

There is a line but it is not as thin as the pair of you are inferring.

nooka · 30/08/2017 16:49

Oops, you are totally right. I looked at the spelling in your post assuming you were quoting. She did indeed mess up the spelling. My apologies.

I was just thinking that people do use very inappropriate terms even for babies (sexy little man etc). I doubt they really think them through but children are all too frequently sexualised in our society. The consequences of that affect young people, especially girls with the 'she looked older' line trotted out all too frequently. My children are older teenagers now, but even so I cannot imagine finding their contemporaries attractive it seems inappropriate and letchy. Coming on to them as an adult in a position of relative power is at a minimum very unkind.

SDaddy007 · 30/08/2017 16:54

When i was 14 I went to get my hair highlighted (it was the 80's)

I had no idea why there was all these women fussing over me, it was quite strange, one of them asked me out and I had to say "I'm 14, I'm still at school" and most of the women left me alone.

Then, two years later, I realised how lucky I was.....

Walkingdead11 · 30/08/2017 17:01

Sdaddy, that's because you're a man and are part of the patriarchy....you weren't lucky, it was inappropriate!

SDaddy007 · 30/08/2017 17:04

yeah......or I could have been a really good looking 14 year old who looked a lot older than he actually was (and was paying a lot of money for a hair cut) and some women flirted with me until I told them I was just a kid.

Walkingdead11 · 30/08/2017 17:18

How did you feel lucky sDaddy??

Dustbunny1900 · 30/08/2017 17:27

I really fucking hate the mentality that when female predators act creepy with underage boys (and I quote) "they ain't no victims! They're lucky!" Or
"All these hot teachers having sex w their students..If only the little bitches would stop complaining about it and ruining it for the rest of us!"
It's revolting and makes me livid..probably cause I have male children.

SDaddy007 · 30/08/2017 17:37

I felt lucky because girls found me attractive and not my friends. It gives a lot of confidence to a young man.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 30/08/2017 17:37

I can't imagine what it must have been like OP, but I also can't think why you didn't say after the umpteenth time, "That will be ALL, thank you!". In a very pointed way.

As you didn't, if it were me, I'd probably make a point of calling back to the restaurant on my own, finding this waitress and telling her how embarrassing her behaviour was and how awkward my son felt. I'd tell her that he doesn't want to come back to the restaurant again because of how she made him feel.

Then say that she's lucky you're telling her to her face and not going to her manager to complain which is what you'll be doing if you're ever faced with that behaviour again.

A good lesson for your son though, as young as he is, there are some weird and desperate people out there - male and female - who have no brakes.

Walkingdead11 · 30/08/2017 18:20

SDaddy, as soon as those women knew you were 14, they didn't act on it......because they knew it was euww........lots of older men DO act on their attraction to 14 yr old girls......

nooka · 30/08/2017 22:56

SDaddy are you saying that you were lucky because you were/are attractive and at 16 you enjoyed finding that similar age girls liked you more than your less attractive friends? In general being attractive brings all sorts of benefits throughout life.

Once you are old enough and confident enough to fend off any unwanted advances (and strong enough to feel that you can take further action if needed) it's not too much of an issue to be chatted up all the time. However if you are young, small and not confident being hit on is unpleasant and can be intimidating and even quite scary.

CoughLaughFart · 31/08/2017 00:53

Walkingdead, you are the worst kind of sexist.

CosmicPineapple · 31/08/2017 02:23

Flyingflipflop · 31/08/2017 06:55

Sdaddy, that's because you're a man and are part of the patriarchy

Everything on MN seems to be because of the 'patriarchy'. I feel short changed. I've never received an invite to it. Are there yearly membership fees? Do us chaps have to use a secret handshake? Is the first rule of patriarchy that nobody talks......?

Or is it a load of bollocks for when people run of reasons to blame someone else?

Walkingdead11 · 31/08/2017 09:08

Oh dear, when men start denying their male privilege..........love it when that happens 🤔

SDaddy007 · 31/08/2017 09:11

I'm denying my male privilege, right here, right now.

Walkingdead11 · 31/08/2017 10:14

Do you even know what it is?

SDaddy007 · 31/08/2017 10:45

Yup, I'm white too, are you going to hit me with that one as well?

PollyFlint · 31/08/2017 12:47

When my nephew was a teenager he was accosted by a woman in McDonald's who kept telling him how cute he was and how he looked like Justin Bieber. I don't think she actually fancied him or intended to suggest that she did, but she was just a bit clueless about boundaries and how her words might be misconstrued.

I think sometimes people think it's funny to embarrass teenagers, especially teenage boys, with that sort of thing. Your waitress sounds annoying and unprofessional and insensitive and you'd have been well within your rights to complain to the manager about her intrusive pestering, but I strongly doubt she was actually attracted to your kid. FWIW, people who genuinely fancy 13-year-olds are unlikely to be the ones who joke about it in front of their parents.

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