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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be annoyed with these parents?

298 replies

ilivebythesea · 27/08/2017 17:30

OK, deep breath..., this'll be long...

Have taken one of my DDs away for a weekend break, just the two of us. We are staying in a cottage, with about 8 other cottages around us.

We were swimming in the outdoor pool earlier in the day and DD, aged 14, made friends with 2 children. After lunch, DD asked if she could go back to the pool to play with these same children. Their parents were there, so I said yes, as long as she asked if she could play with them. I said if they weren't there or if they left the pool at any time, she had to come straight back to the cottage.

The rules on the side of the pool say no lone swimming and that children under 15 must have a parent poolside. DD is 15 in two weeks time.

DD came back saying she'd had a great time with these children. The parents were present all the time and had agreed she could play with their children.

OK, so just now, a member of staff knocked on our cottage door, saying some parents (I wonder who?) had phoned the office (which is not open as it's sunday), to complain, sorry, I meant voice their concern that a child was swimming alone in the pool and that they'd had to supervise her! Staff member kept saying no-one is allowed to swim solo (she wasn't) and if she's under 15, I had to be there. She's hardly going to be any different in two weeks time when she is 15. Staff member obviously believes other parents story.

Now I feel like shit. She's a competent swimmer, responsible teenager and I was trying to give her some independence, especially as she's quite shy. She's really upset too. I trust her completely when she says she wasn't alone and that she'd asked the parents if she could play with their children. At no time did I or DD ask them to assume parental responsibility for her.

They know which cottage we are in, so why not come and speak to me about it, rather than tell tales and lies and upset us both. Feel like packing up early and going home...

OP posts:
Maelstrop · 27/08/2017 17:32

So go with her instead of expecting someone else to be the supervising parent. She's YOUR child and not their responsibility. Lazy parenting.

Flowersinyourhair · 27/08/2017 17:33

I'm a bit Hmm at the idea of a 15 year old "playing with other children" to be honest. You make her sound like a toddler.

SisterhoodisPowerful · 27/08/2017 17:34

In this situation, you should have gone with her. As a parent in that scenario, I'd feel obligated to saying yes to your child but being very cross with you for making the assumption.

Floellabumbags · 27/08/2017 17:34

She's your responsibility, not theirs. I'd be massively annoyed at babysitting someone else's bairn on holiday.

MargaretTwatyer · 27/08/2017 17:35

The mistake you made here was that you didn't ask the other parents if they were happy to supervise according to your post. If that's correct then. YWBU because you supervisory responsibility to these parents without asking. It's probably them that complained.

HarrisHawk · 27/08/2017 17:35

They were right. You were wrong.

Going home is an overreaction though.

TeenTimesTwo · 27/08/2017 17:35

I think I would have gone with her, and spoken to the parents.
Because despite her being responsible, the de facto situation is that the other parents were responsible for her according to the pool rules.

If I had been the other parents I would have been a bit annoyed you seemed to assume I would supervise your teen. (But I wouldn't have complained to the management.)

mickeysminnie · 27/08/2017 17:35

So you know the rules, you didn't follow the rules and now you want to throw a strop because someone called you out?
OK then!

2014newme · 27/08/2017 17:36

So you sent your child along to the pool hoping others would supervise her?

Floellabumbags · 27/08/2017 17:37

Feel like packing up early and going home...

I think you should for the sake of other holiday makers.

Gorgosparta · 27/08/2017 17:37

So the rule is no under 15s without a parent.

She was under 15 and without a parent.

They may have agreed to let her 'play with their kids'. They didnt agree to watch her for you and being the supervising adult/parent.

teaandakitkat · 27/08/2017 17:37

Hmm, but she was swimming unsupervised and she is not yet 15. If you were not asking the other parents to take responsibility for her then she was unsupervised.

So the complainers were technically correct and not telling lies, but they were ridiculous to be formally complaining about you.

LindyHemming · 27/08/2017 17:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AfunaMbatata · 27/08/2017 17:38

Playing with other children at 15?!Grin

You should have given her a time limit if say 30 mins or so, perhaps they felt they couldn't leave her.

Saucery · 27/08/2017 17:38

I think they were pretty peevish tbh. Phoning the office when a quick word next time they saw you would have sufficed. ("Given the rules around under 15s swimming we don't want to be the adults in charge, sorry if that sounds awkward, we really don't mean to be")
Don't go home though. Just avoid them and tell your dd they appear to be funny buggers.

IAmBreakmasterCylinder · 27/08/2017 17:39

It doesn't matter is she's nearly 15. The rule is she needs a parent.

It sounds fine from your perspective because you know your DD and know she can look after herself but think about it from their perspective. They were at the pool with their kids and an unaccompanied child turns up despite the rule.

I'd have been pretty hacked off too.

FrogFairy · 27/08/2017 17:39

From the point of view of the other family, you looked like a cheeky fucker for sending your daughter to the pool alone and they had to assume responsibility for her.

JennyOnAPlate · 27/08/2017 17:40

They went over the top by complaining to the management, but you were in the wrong. You should have asked the other adults if they minded supervising your daughter.

Original poster
ilivebythesea · 27/08/2017 17:40

If you read my post, it says I wasn't expecting them to supervise her.

OP posts:
RhubardGin · 27/08/2017 17:41

YABU

The only parent you should be annoyed at is yourself, cheeky and lazy!

And rules are rules, your daughter is under 15, fact.

ThePinkOcelot · 27/08/2017 17:41

Can't believe all these people saying you were wrong!
FGS how much supervision does a nearly 15 year old need?! They hardly had to get in the pool with her or blow up her arm bands!
Some people are just arses!!

teaandakitkat · 27/08/2017 17:42

If you read my post, it says I wasn't expecting them to supervise her.

So that means she was unsupervised and you were breaking the rules

ThePinkOcelot · 27/08/2017 17:43

We have an apartment in Spain and the rules there are 12 years old. More realistic in my opinion!

AfunaMbatata · 27/08/2017 17:43

Water can be deadly. It not much of a chore to sit by a pool and supervise.

HarrisHawk · 27/08/2017 17:43

Yes but obviously they would feel that they did need to supervise her. You didn't even bother to speak to them before sending her off.