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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to be annoyed with these parents?

298 replies

ilivebythesea · 27/08/2017 17:30

OK, deep breath..., this'll be long...

Have taken one of my DDs away for a weekend break, just the two of us. We are staying in a cottage, with about 8 other cottages around us.

We were swimming in the outdoor pool earlier in the day and DD, aged 14, made friends with 2 children. After lunch, DD asked if she could go back to the pool to play with these same children. Their parents were there, so I said yes, as long as she asked if she could play with them. I said if they weren't there or if they left the pool at any time, she had to come straight back to the cottage.

The rules on the side of the pool say no lone swimming and that children under 15 must have a parent poolside. DD is 15 in two weeks time.

DD came back saying she'd had a great time with these children. The parents were present all the time and had agreed she could play with their children.

OK, so just now, a member of staff knocked on our cottage door, saying some parents (I wonder who?) had phoned the office (which is not open as it's sunday), to complain, sorry, I meant voice their concern that a child was swimming alone in the pool and that they'd had to supervise her! Staff member kept saying no-one is allowed to swim solo (she wasn't) and if she's under 15, I had to be there. She's hardly going to be any different in two weeks time when she is 15. Staff member obviously believes other parents story.

Now I feel like shit. She's a competent swimmer, responsible teenager and I was trying to give her some independence, especially as she's quite shy. She's really upset too. I trust her completely when she says she wasn't alone and that she'd asked the parents if she could play with their children. At no time did I or DD ask them to assume parental responsibility for her.

They know which cottage we are in, so why not come and speak to me about it, rather than tell tales and lies and upset us both. Feel like packing up early and going home...

OP posts:

Gincision · 27/08/2017 17:43

The girl in question is 14!!!! Hardly in need of supervision and it wouldn't cross my mind that letting her do something I normally allowed her to do would make the other parents think they were responsible for her. My 10 and 11 year olds go out and play on their own, including to the local pool (in line with the pool rules). That said, if their children were younger they might not have realised this isn't unreasonable at 14 and felt responsible.

Technically you were in the wrong as the rules at this pool were that children under 15 needed to be supervised. But I certainly wouldn't be getting upset or leaving early. Just take it on the chin and next time go with her. And if you bump into the other parents I'd say something along the lines of 'I'm sorry if I made you feel uncomfortable by not coming to the pool with dd. She is a strong swimmer and I am happy for her not to need supervision but I understand it made you feel awkward and I won't put you in that situation again.'

Booboobooboo84 · 27/08/2017 17:44

So who were you expecting to supervise her in the pool if the rule is under 15's have to be supervised?

Gorgosparta · 27/08/2017 17:44

If you read my post, it says I wasn't expecting them to supervise her.

So who was supervising her then?

She may be almost 15. But the pool rule isnt almost 15. Its 15.

If you werent supervising her and you didnt expect them to. She was alone.

Which is what they said.

Sirzy · 27/08/2017 17:44

If you weren't expecting them to supervise her then who was?

As daft as the rule seems if that is their rule then you can't complain if you are pulled up for not following it

RhubardGin · 27/08/2017 17:44

FGS how much supervision does a nearly 15 year old need?!

Obviously a lot as she was swimming in the pool alone and unless she can't read she knew it was against the rules.

Why would other people make it up?

Saucery · 27/08/2017 17:45

I know you weren't expecting them to supervise her, but from their point of view, what if they were off to do something else and the child that is playing with their s decides they don't want to get out of the pool? Difficult situation then.
However, they completely overreacted by taking it to the cottage management and they are dicks for doing so.

UnicornSparkles1 · 27/08/2017 17:45

I'd be annoyed if someone else's kid tagged onto our family unit. YWBU.

user1471546851 · 27/08/2017 17:45

How did they even know she wasn't 15?

Gorgosparta · 27/08/2017 17:45

The pool has rules and the site will have them for a reason, might not make sense to us. But Op knew the rule.

Her dd is not yet 15 and waa not supervised. Which is what the parents said.

sweetbitter · 27/08/2017 17:46

I'd be annoyed too OP, but technically it's a fair cop so you just have to hold your hands up to it. It's unlucky because I think a lot of other parents wouldn't have thought anything of it or at least spoken to you rather than complained to the staff. But these ones obviously did mind, for whatever reason, having to be the responsible adult for your child without being given the choice.

If I was you now, I'd try to just dismiss it as one of those unfortunate things and move on. But if you really can't, you could go round there to explain and apologise.

Floralnomad · 27/08/2017 17:46

The fact that the 15 age limit is ridiculous is not relevant , you knew the rules and by your own admission you broke them . I do think the other parents were a bit OTT but they probably are worried that this will be the form for the rest of their holiday , that they have an extra 15 yo tagging along because her parent can't be arsed to go out with her.

Garliccalamari · 27/08/2017 17:46

I think that it is ridiculous that a 14 year old needs to be supervised. They probably have known for years how to swim and can bear some responsibility for themselves.

I understand that the rules were broken but the rules are silly imo.

TeenTimesTwo · 27/08/2017 17:46

You might not have been expecting them to, but de facto you put them in that position as your under age (only just, but still) DD wasn't being supervised by you, and they were the only other responsible adults around.

A bit like, if I'm at a playground supervising my 8 yo (who is now older), and an unaccompanied 5yo turns up, I feel obliged to keep an eye out for him/her as I feel 5 is too young to be there alone.

RhubardGin · 27/08/2017 17:48

All these posters saying that it's ok to break the rules because they deem them silly I assume take this stance in any situation.

The rules are daft so I'll ignore them

Maelstrop · 27/08/2017 17:48

The rules clearly state no under 15s unsupervised, so you obviously were expecting the parents to supervise her.

BackieJerkhart · 27/08/2017 17:49

It will be for insurance reasons. The property insurer will have stated 15 as their age limit and if anything happened to your DD whilst there without you the. The insurance wouldn't pay out. The cottage owners can't leave themselves liable for claims. They have to stick to their insurance terms.

user1471459936 · 27/08/2017 17:49

Blimey. So many compliant posters.

MargaretTwatyer · 27/08/2017 17:50

You might not have been expecting them to supervise her, but you should still have spoken to them and okayed it with them before doing so.

Bubblysqueak · 27/08/2017 17:51

Asking to play and asking to be supervised is 2 different things. I would be annoyed that I was expected to supervise another child because their parents couldn't be bothered.

InvisibleKittenAttack · 27/08/2017 17:52

You weren't supervising her. You weren't expecting anyone else to supervise her. The rules state a child under 15 needs to be supervised. Your DD is 14, so under 15 and the rules state she needs to be supervised.

The other parents may well have not felt comfortable going to your cottage to point out to you that you've not parented your child according to the rules. They don't know you. So they did what most people would do in that situation, they raised it with the staff who's job it is to tackle guests not sticking to the rules.

AfunaMbatata · 27/08/2017 17:52

What's wrong with being compliant?

clary · 27/08/2017 17:52

I presume there is no lifeguard, hence the age ruling (unlike a council pool eg).

I am not clear op - do you think the rule is silly so not worth following?

Bluntness100 · 27/08/2017 17:52

How old are the other kids? The use of the word " play " is quite disconcerting when talking about someone this age, unless the other kids were very young?

The rules are clear, even if you don't like them, below fifteen and a parent should be present, she is below 15 and a parent wasn't present.

Saucery · 27/08/2017 17:55

"Play" is disconcerting? How?

Gorgosparta · 27/08/2017 17:55

I'll be honest. I am not always 'compliant'.

However if i am staying a site and i break the rules and get caught out, i would hold my hands up and take responsibility for my decision.

I may have been tempted to ignore the no under 15 year old rules. But I would also accept responsibility for my choice to do so.

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