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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be annoyed with these parents?

298 replies

ilivebythesea · 27/08/2017 17:30

OK, deep breath..., this'll be long...

Have taken one of my DDs away for a weekend break, just the two of us. We are staying in a cottage, with about 8 other cottages around us.

We were swimming in the outdoor pool earlier in the day and DD, aged 14, made friends with 2 children. After lunch, DD asked if she could go back to the pool to play with these same children. Their parents were there, so I said yes, as long as she asked if she could play with them. I said if they weren't there or if they left the pool at any time, she had to come straight back to the cottage.

The rules on the side of the pool say no lone swimming and that children under 15 must have a parent poolside. DD is 15 in two weeks time.

DD came back saying she'd had a great time with these children. The parents were present all the time and had agreed she could play with their children.

OK, so just now, a member of staff knocked on our cottage door, saying some parents (I wonder who?) had phoned the office (which is not open as it's sunday), to complain, sorry, I meant voice their concern that a child was swimming alone in the pool and that they'd had to supervise her! Staff member kept saying no-one is allowed to swim solo (she wasn't) and if she's under 15, I had to be there. She's hardly going to be any different in two weeks time when she is 15. Staff member obviously believes other parents story.

Now I feel like shit. She's a competent swimmer, responsible teenager and I was trying to give her some independence, especially as she's quite shy. She's really upset too. I trust her completely when she says she wasn't alone and that she'd asked the parents if she could play with their children. At no time did I or DD ask them to assume parental responsibility for her.

They know which cottage we are in, so why not come and speak to me about it, rather than tell tales and lies and upset us both. Feel like packing up early and going home...

OP posts:
BertrandRussell · 27/08/2017 18:18

"I'd be annoyed if someone else's kid tagged onto our family unit"

Mumsnet encapsulated!

Abra1d · 27/08/2017 18:21

My annoyance isn't with the rules or the lifeguard but the other parents apparently being so weird. Why didn't they just say, Lovely having you around but we need to get back now/ in ten minutes/shortly so you'll have to go back to your parents as we can't supervise you?

End of.

Isn't that how reasonable people behave on holiday unless Op's daughter was mucking around, which doesn't seem to have been the case. It's weied to complain about a teenager you've been friendly towards.

Allthebestnamesareused · 27/08/2017 18:23

I suspect the resort insurance states that U15s have to be supervised by an adult. Therefore the rules may seem silly but they're not in that context.

By sending her along and saying to ask if it is ok to join them then you are actually expecting them to supervise her because you're not.

They probably felt uncomfortable turning your daughter away, even more uncomfortable to confront you about it.

However, its no big deal. Carry on with you break away but you'll just have to go to the pool with her from now on.

RaininSummer · 27/08/2017 18:23

I expect it was all in the way the request was phrased. Probably the other parents didnt realise you werent poolside when your daughter arrived to play. When they realised they felt obliged and pissed off.

EyesUnderARock · 27/08/2017 18:26

They must have assumed that you were the sort of unreasonable parent that would palm her child off as often as possible to other people, and that this incident was merely the beginning.
I mean, we regularly read of hapless MNetters being targeted like this, it's rather wonderful to meet one of those oft-mentioned Cheeky Fuckers. OP, you have joined the Holiday Bingo Board.

Papafran · 27/08/2017 18:27

God, the OP is getting flamed.

OP, I think YANBU. They could easily have popped over afterwards and had a word if they were worried, or they could have told your DD not to swim.

What kind of pool has an age limit of 15 anyway? When I was 14, I was regularly going swimming on my own, often supervising younger siblings. It's a ridiculous rule.

I would be tempted to have a word with them to 'apologise for the mix-up' and see if they get embarrassed. Say that you would be v happy to supervise their DCs if they need a break and that just to let you know, your cottage is that one over there, in case they didn't realise. Hopefully they will be suitably embarrassed.

shivermytimbers · 27/08/2017 18:28

In that situation my child would have magically become 15 and then there wouldn't have been a problem.
Yes, I know that there is a rule but really? You can't let a 14 year old have a swim? Children can go swimming alone from 8 years old at our local pool.

MoonfaceAndSilky · 27/08/2017 18:28

She's YOUR child and not their responsibility. Lazy parenting.

Lazy parenting? Ridiculous. The girl is nearly 15 fgs, and OP didn't want them to supervise her dd.
I'm with you OP, I think maybe the other family babies their children and were astounded when your dd rocked up on her own ShockGrin Don't let them ruin your holiday.

EyesUnderARock · 27/08/2017 18:30

Yes, I was regularly swimming in the sea at that age. Without adult supervision.But there have been so many drownings and prosecutions that it's not surprising that holiday resorts are being zealous with safety.
15 is the rule there and the OP ignored it.

InvisibleKittenAttack · 27/08/2017 18:32

Except she did want them to supervise, as she told her DD she wasn't allowed in the pool if the other parents weren't there. Basically, the OP wanted someone else to keep an eye on her DD without bothering to ask them first. Now, a 14 year old who's a good swimmer probably would be fine with noone watching her, but this is the terms of the site the OP has booked, so you live with it.

pictish · 27/08/2017 18:33

The thing that strikes me is that you feel like packing up and going home over this! Somewhat of an overreaction don't you think?

WeAllHaveWings · 27/08/2017 18:34

YABU, you've broke the rules which are in place for your safety and/or insurance reasons, left other parents minding your child because they were worried and you couldn't be bothered and now you've been called out on it can't even apologise and move on but want to run and hide instead.

You got a telling off, woman up and go to the pool and if you see them apologise for your mistake so your dd can continue to enjoy her holiday with her new friend.

SnowiestMountain · 27/08/2017 18:37

You might have thought it was ok to bend the rules but perhaps they didn't, maybe they wanted to leave the pool but felt they couldn't because they were 'supervising' your DD. You should have at least gone and 'dropped her off' at the pool.

You've had ice cream and goggles off them and then you sent your daughter to the pool, for them to supervise whether they liked it or not. Yes I can see that you think she's fine on their own but maybe they didn't, you didn't go and have any conversation with them to say 'I'm just going to leave her here, don't worry about her, she'll be fine.'

I'm afraid YABU which is something I don't say very often!

AvoidingCallenetics · 27/08/2017 18:42

Thing is, there are so many piss takers in the world, who will try and get free childcare from virtual strangers, that this couple are probably wary and are setting out their stall now. They are letting you know, in that typical British way where we avoid direct conversations, that they are not going to look after your child for you.

DoJo · 27/08/2017 18:43

Either you are happy to break the rules and let your daughter swim unsupervised, in which case why would she have to come home if the other parents weren't there, or you weren't, in which case you were kind of expecting them to supervise her.

You didn't ask them, your daughter didn't ask them (although I suspect that sending her to ask if she could play with their daughter was your way of asking them) so they were left to supervise your daughter in your absence as per the rules of the pool.

Original poster
ilivebythesea · 27/08/2017 18:45

Thank you to all those who have at least understood the situation and offered a bit of sympathy. Yes, maybe I'm upset by it because it's only me and DD here, the rest of the family are at home, so I am feeling a bit sensitive.

I am upset that they were friendly earlier, knew which cottage I was in so could have knocked on the door to say, look, we're not too happy with this, and also said DD was swimming alone. She's very honest, which is why she couldn't lie and say she was 15 and she's upset because she was in the pool the whole time with the family, not on her own. I could hear them laughing and talking the whole time - so no arguments or we want you to go now.

I told her to ask the parents if it was ok to stay, not for them to take responsibility, but out of courtesy and so she wouldn't be a nuisance if they wanted to stay in a 'family unit'.

Don't understand why is the term 'play' so odd to some. People play football, tennis etc. They were throwing goggles and stuff into the water to retrieve, having swimming races and other normal stuff! I thought 'play' encompassed that!

OP posts:
Jaxhog · 27/08/2017 18:45

So you made a mistake in not checking with the other teens parents. Not the end of the world. Just make sure you supervise her in future.

viques · 27/08/2017 18:45

Why didn't you wander over to the pool, say hello again and ask if it was ok for your dd to swim with their dd while you sloped off back to your cottage for a zzzz. They would probably have said yes, would not have felt put upon because they already knew your dd was a competent swimmer and enjoyed being with their dd. The real problem is that you couldn't be arsed to mooch over to the pool and do the polite thing and they felt you acted like an entitled uber parent and obviously felt resentful. as I would have in their position. You need to go over and apologise otherwise if you are both there for a week it is going to get awkward. Maybe you could offer to take their dd out for the day.

llangennith · 27/08/2017 18:46

Blimey the MN gestapo are very vocal today!
I'd have done the same as you OP. You liked the parents at first so why don't you mention to them that you have been 'told off' by staff and find out what actually happened. It would be a pity for your DD not to be able to enjoy their DD's company in the pool because of what may be a misunderstanding.

Gorgosparta · 27/08/2017 18:48

You can't let a 14 year old have a swim? Children can go swimming alone from 8 years old at our local pool.

She can have a swim. When supervised.

Your pool will have staff there.

AvoidingCallenetics · 27/08/2017 18:49

If the other family didn't want to do it though, it's hard for them to say that to your daughter without sounding rude or hurting her feelings. Which is why you should be with her really.
I think most of us wouldn't have minded at all, but some people just like to stay within their own family unit or have experienced being taken advantage of in the past or just don't want the extra responsibility and feel responsible even if you are not asking them to be.

BackieJerkhart · 27/08/2017 18:49

could have knocked on the door to say, look, we're not too happy with this, and also said DD was swimming alone.

Would you have done that had the situation been reversed? You don't sound like you are the type that would.

Penny4UrThoughts · 27/08/2017 18:51

But if the other family had knickerbocker on your cottage door, nobody would have been supervising her at all...

You are in the wrong op, sorry.

AvoidingCallenetics · 27/08/2017 18:51

I wouldn't offer to take their dd out for the day. They don't know you and they are on holiday presumably to spend time with their kids.

Penny4UrThoughts · 27/08/2017 18:51

Knocked! Not sure why it autocorrected to knickerbocker!