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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to be annoyed with these parents?

298 replies

ilivebythesea · 27/08/2017 17:30

OK, deep breath..., this'll be long...

Have taken one of my DDs away for a weekend break, just the two of us. We are staying in a cottage, with about 8 other cottages around us.

We were swimming in the outdoor pool earlier in the day and DD, aged 14, made friends with 2 children. After lunch, DD asked if she could go back to the pool to play with these same children. Their parents were there, so I said yes, as long as she asked if she could play with them. I said if they weren't there or if they left the pool at any time, she had to come straight back to the cottage.

The rules on the side of the pool say no lone swimming and that children under 15 must have a parent poolside. DD is 15 in two weeks time.

DD came back saying she'd had a great time with these children. The parents were present all the time and had agreed she could play with their children.

OK, so just now, a member of staff knocked on our cottage door, saying some parents (I wonder who?) had phoned the office (which is not open as it's sunday), to complain, sorry, I meant voice their concern that a child was swimming alone in the pool and that they'd had to supervise her! Staff member kept saying no-one is allowed to swim solo (she wasn't) and if she's under 15, I had to be there. She's hardly going to be any different in two weeks time when she is 15. Staff member obviously believes other parents story.

Now I feel like shit. She's a competent swimmer, responsible teenager and I was trying to give her some independence, especially as she's quite shy. She's really upset too. I trust her completely when she says she wasn't alone and that she'd asked the parents if she could play with their children. At no time did I or DD ask them to assume parental responsibility for her.

They know which cottage we are in, so why not come and speak to me about it, rather than tell tales and lies and upset us both. Feel like packing up early and going home...

OP posts:

Original poster

ilivebythesea · 27/08/2017 17:56

The family in question were there when I was in the pool in the morning. We exchanged a few words, the mum said how nice it was her daughter had found a friend the same age as her, as she found her younger brother annoying. Dad bought us an ice cream each. DD gave their children a spare pair of goggles to keep. So not complete strangers.

OP posts:

Ragwort · 27/08/2017 17:56

How did they know your DD's age?

It does sound an incredibly petty rule, but the rules do have to be followed so next time just go with your DD and read a book.

I recently had to accompany my DS up a very high church tower, as no one under 14 was allowed on their own - despite the fact that I get vertigo and was absolutely terrified . He had to help me down.

Abra1d · 27/08/2017 17:56

Those comparing this situation to looking after bairns in a playground need to read the OP again as it's not all like this. The child was almost 16, not five.

Complete over reaction by other parents.

BackieJerkhart · 27/08/2017 17:57

Their parents were there, so I said yes, as long as she asked if she could play with them. I said if they weren't there or if they left the pool at any time, she had to come straight back to the cottage.

This gives you away actually. You were expecting them to supervise. Firstly you told her she had to ask permission to play with other children. At 14 no-one needs to ask permission to play with friends. What you meant was "ask if it's ok to be with them because your parent wasn't there". And secondly, why would she need to come back to you if they weren't there unless you were using them to supervise her? Because that's exactly what you were doing and you knew it before you even sent her as you told her to ask if it was ok.

Chestervase1 · 27/08/2017 17:57

I think if there are several villas with multiple people using the pool the management should employ a lifeguard.

Abra1d · 27/08/2017 17:57

Almost 15 not 14. And if their children were in the pool all the time they would need to be there anyway.

museumum · 27/08/2017 17:57

I don't think a 14yr old needs supervising. But the pool rules say she does so these parents felt they had to and objected. Fair enough. It'd be their heads if anything happened.

TBH at 2 weeks off 15 is have told ds to say she was 15 and therefore assume responsibility for herself. If anything happened no other guest not the owners could be held responsible as they all believed her 15.

Huffletuff · 27/08/2017 17:58

YABU.

She's under 15, you broke the rules. The other parents had to supervise her even if you "weren't expecting" it.

Saucery · 27/08/2017 17:58

God, they sound a right pair of snarky pusses. Fine for your dd to hang around when she's amusing their teenager but straight to Management when they don't want her around.

Happydoingitjusttheonce · 27/08/2017 18:01

I'm confused. Was it the parents of these other kids who complained? If so did your daughter lie about them saying it was fine for her to join their kids? If they did say it was fine then I would reasonably believe that they were prepared to supervise her. I'm always the mum that accommodates other kids and I do so on the basis I'm the responsible adult. But my kid always asks me and doesn't assume. If your kid was younger I'd have expected you to make sure she was invited and supervised personally. But not at almost 15. I think this is a breakdown in comms between you and your girl. Don't give it another thought

Abra1d · 27/08/2017 18:04

I have often kept an eye on someone else's child if they are playing in the pool with mine and keeping them nicely occupied. I'd be there anyway, so what's the issue with teenagers who can swim? If the other family had had enough they could just say they were going back to their villa and say OP's daughter would have to go back to her family.

Unless there was misbehaviour I cannot for the life of me see what the problem was. Presumably OP would have been happy to reciprocate!

BoomBoomsCousin · 27/08/2017 18:04

You broke the sire rules. I think they're a little bit OTT, but I can see why they want an age limit for unsupervised swimming. You got reported. The parents might have been telling the truth (your DD may have stayed in the pool after her friends left)or it might be the parents of the friends who felt obliged to hang around because your DD was there alone. They don't like confrontation, or we're unsure what your reaction would be since they don't know you, so went through the staff. That seems perfectly reasonable, they're on holiday too and don't want to have their time ruined by the possibility of a parent getting huffy at them, or making up all sorts of excuses, or worse yet screaming and shouting. Because they don't know you.

What I don't get is why you feel like shit because of this. You tried to work around the rules. It didn't work and you've been asked to adhere. Now you just need to do it. If you feel like crap when you're caught out, don't bend the rules. Packing up and going home early is a childish over reaction.

flumpybear · 27/08/2017 18:05

They are strangers and the rules are under 15 needs to be supervised - it's probably insurance purposes so because you let her go alone you were probably flouting the pools H&S - you're pissed off because someone called you out over it - perhaps the parents were, I don't know, expecting others
To look after their own kids on holiday?! You were wrong, man up and either go to the pool or tell your child no

2cats2many · 27/08/2017 18:06

The rules are stupid. Patents know whether their children need supervision at a pool or not. My 8 year old and 10 year old swim without supervision. I can't imagine having to 'supervise' when when they are 14. Plain dumb.

Peachyking000 · 27/08/2017 18:06

Ok, technically you were in the wrong, however I agree it is a ridiculous situation, and surely the other parents would have been there anyway, to supervise their own children.

I probably would have just said that she was already 15 tbh. 2 weeks hardly makes a difference!

flumpybear · 27/08/2017 18:07

Two cats - it's probably (almost unquestionably) insurance so whatever you may think isn't relevant

MsMommie · 27/08/2017 18:09

I think you're unreasonably annoyed at them and should be annoyed with yourself for assuming that complete strangers should take responsibility for your child.
You could have gone over and asked them first.

2cats2many · 27/08/2017 18:10

Then how come loads of other places manage just fine without such a stupid rule? I've never ever come across somewhere that demands that a 14yr old.needs to be supervised in a swimming pool.

I don't care if you believe my thoughts are irrelevant. It's bollocks plain and simple.

Summerswallow · 27/08/2017 18:11

I wonder if it is where my children have just been on holiday, we were surprised by the no under 15's on their own rule in the pools, and it's a real pain as they have been swimming unsupervised since about 11/12 (with a lifeguard) in local pools and you don't really have to expect to stay with your 14 year old all day when they are with friends and there's a lifeguard in a holiday camp.

That's the rule, though, it's not unusual (or it's the same place!)

JigglyTuff · 27/08/2017 18:12

2cats - but I bet they don't swim where there are no lifeguards.

As there are no lifeguards and no lone swimming is permitted, the other parents had to supervise - whether they wanted to or not. They don't know if the OP's DD is sensible or a bloody idiot. She's not their problem

Bizzysocks · 27/08/2017 18:12

You were expecting them to supervise as a pp said, or you would have mentioned you let her go as the other parents were there and she was to come back when they left.

I imagine they felt the need to complain as talking to you directly would be awkward, especially as now you are considering going home, this shows you are prone to over react.

Why is dd upset? I'm guessing due to your reaction . You should have just said " well that's me told lol, I will come with you tomorrow rules are rules" then change the conversation.

Summerswallow · 27/08/2017 18:13

2cats we just came back from a holiday village/camping with exactly the same rule, and it was a pain as it means one parent has to supervise teens, but it isn't made up.

Ginslinger · 27/08/2017 18:14

Oh how ridiculous - of course you were technically wrong but whoever reported you should have come and spoken to you instead of making such a carry-on about it. And I think that you're being spoken to really rudely here and it's like a fucking bear-pit here sometimes.

Whinesalot · 27/08/2017 18:17

I suspect your dd overstayed her welcome. It does seem very petty of them else.

Bizzysocks · 27/08/2017 18:18

I don't get why you told dd to ask the parents if she could play with a fellow 14 year old. If my 5 year old is playing in a public space he would ask a child if he could play with them not the parent. Unless it was a way of asking them to supervise her.

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