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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be annoyed with these parents?

298 replies

ilivebythesea · 27/08/2017 17:30

OK, deep breath..., this'll be long...

Have taken one of my DDs away for a weekend break, just the two of us. We are staying in a cottage, with about 8 other cottages around us.

We were swimming in the outdoor pool earlier in the day and DD, aged 14, made friends with 2 children. After lunch, DD asked if she could go back to the pool to play with these same children. Their parents were there, so I said yes, as long as she asked if she could play with them. I said if they weren't there or if they left the pool at any time, she had to come straight back to the cottage.

The rules on the side of the pool say no lone swimming and that children under 15 must have a parent poolside. DD is 15 in two weeks time.

DD came back saying she'd had a great time with these children. The parents were present all the time and had agreed she could play with their children.

OK, so just now, a member of staff knocked on our cottage door, saying some parents (I wonder who?) had phoned the office (which is not open as it's sunday), to complain, sorry, I meant voice their concern that a child was swimming alone in the pool and that they'd had to supervise her! Staff member kept saying no-one is allowed to swim solo (she wasn't) and if she's under 15, I had to be there. She's hardly going to be any different in two weeks time when she is 15. Staff member obviously believes other parents story.

Now I feel like shit. She's a competent swimmer, responsible teenager and I was trying to give her some independence, especially as she's quite shy. She's really upset too. I trust her completely when she says she wasn't alone and that she'd asked the parents if she could play with their children. At no time did I or DD ask them to assume parental responsibility for her.

They know which cottage we are in, so why not come and speak to me about it, rather than tell tales and lies and upset us both. Feel like packing up early and going home...

OP posts:
PigletWasPoohsFriend · 28/08/2017 08:41

OP knows her child's competence in the swimming pool and would hardly allow her in there without her if she was going to drown.

It doesn't matter. The pool rules are the rules. They broke them.

You could say that's her choice. Yes it is but then you have to accept the consequences, not complain and threaten to leave.

Gorgosparta · 28/08/2017 08:41

Oh for goodness sake, it's hardly the crime of the century.

Who said it was?

Sirzy · 28/08/2017 08:42

Everyone bends rules. But when you get "caught" you can't then start complaining just say "fair cop" and move on.

You seem to be making a mountain out of a molehill

BackieJerkhart · 28/08/2017 08:43

would hardly allow her in there without her if she was going to drown.

The rules aren't made to protect the children of sensible parents. They're there for those that would let their non swimming 7yo go in alone.

CantThinkOfAUserNameNotTaken · 28/08/2017 08:43

Sorry just notice 'and that they'd had to supervise her' part.

ponderingprobably · 28/08/2017 08:45

15 does seem a bit of an age for the rule. At our council pool children can swim unsupervised at 8! They do have a lifeguard though.

If you see them, I would apologise and just say that you stressed your daughter should ask them if they were ok with her staying - check she did with them.

pamplemoussed · 28/08/2017 08:46

My Dd is same age as yours, also an experienced rookie lifeguard. I'd have done exactly the same as you. I'd have sent her to the pool without a second thought.

BackieJerkhart · 28/08/2017 08:48

They do have a lifeguard though.

This is probably the difference for insurance purposes. Every pool I've been to with a lifeguard has had an 8yo minimum age for unsurpervised swimming. I am assuming this is because the insurance industry has selected this age. Without a lifeguard changes things and I am assuming this particular company's insurer has indicated 15 as their minimum age.

LucieLucie · 28/08/2017 08:50

This thread has been a huge eye opener at the level of utter twattery on MN these days.

This x a million!!

Mumsnet, the only place you can expect to be berated for 'breaking the rules' by 14 days but be told to mind your own business if you suggest reporting a benefit cheat 😂

Bonkers!

strawberrisc · 28/08/2017 09:08

Why did your daughter ask their permission at a communal pool?

Penny4UrThoughts · 28/08/2017 09:08

No I wouldn't have felt responsible for an almost 15 year old competent swimmer that wanted to hang out with my dc whilst I lay flat out in a sun bed. I can't get my head around anyone that would tbh.

Well I guess that might be why some people think op inbu and some think she is. Clearly these parents felt a degree of responsibility otherwise they wouldn't have spoken about having to supervise her.

converseandjeans · 28/08/2017 09:09

OP I think you have been given a hard time on here. They should have just said they were off and that your daughter should head back. I can't believe some of the nasty comments you have had.
You sound lovely - try not to let it spoil the hols. Maybe offer ice creams next time and just be friendly.
Maybe the family were worried that you and DD would be around too much and it was their bizarre way of resolving that problem.
There is definitely a bizarre thing on MN where some rules should be adhered to completely yet as Lucie said heaven forbid you challenge someone for being a benefit cheat.

BackieJerkhart · 28/08/2017 09:16

Actually if someone were to post here saying they had been caught out committing benefit fraud you would get short shrift. People would tell them they chose to cheat so should accept the consequences. The same with speeding fines any time there is a thread about those. i also suspect, but of course can't be sure, that if someone posted saying "we are on holiday and a girl has latched onto our DC. the rules say kids have to be 15 to swim unsurpervised and we know for a fact she is only 14, should we report this to management?" People would tell them how ridiculous they were being. I don't think anyone here is saying they were right to report her, just that OP should accept she broke the rules as she has. No-one said she has committed crime of the century.

TipTopTipTopClop · 28/08/2017 09:20

Actually if someone were to post here saying they had been caught out committing benefit fraud you would get short shrift.

And after all, this is hardly any different than what the OP has done.

Wink
BackieJerkhart · 28/08/2017 09:21

Well it was me that made the comparison.

NoMoreAngstPls · 28/08/2017 09:28

I reckon the other parents were just annoyed that OP got to have some 'me time' on her own, and they didn't. Jealousy!

I've had a similar problem where other parents made comments about looking after my children (who are old enough to look after themselves e,g. In a playground), because they were so helicopterish that they didn't want to leave their own kids, and mine happened to be in the vicinty too. So ergo, they were looking after my kids, Er no!

And pools always have rules on holiday (no inflatables etc) but they are regularly flouted IME. The parents in question sound like a nightmare OP, steer clear !

EyesUnderARock · 28/08/2017 09:31

I agree with Sirzy, and it's what I taught my now adult children. You may well bend or break a rule, just don't whine about it and sulk if you get caught. Accept, deal and move on.

MudCity · 28/08/2017 09:32

OP knows her daughter is sensible, a competent swimmer, would return as soon as the other family left.

The family by the pool did not know any of that so they applied the rule and raised a concern.

I still think they might have felt responsible for supervising your daughter and that, more than anything, probably irritated them. They don't know you, don't know what your expectations were and don't know your daughter.

These holiday complexes have rules and if you choose not to follow them because you make a judgement it will be ok, then that's fine but you have to run with the consequences.

MarcelineTheVampire · 28/08/2017 09:32

@Gorgosparta you would think it is how some pp have gone on. OP is getting a really hard time.

Gorgosparta · 28/08/2017 09:34

She isnt getting a hard time.

Just a lot of people giving their opinion. Yes its alot of people. So it seems like a hammering. But its just individual opinions.

Which happens on forums.

ButtHiccup · 28/08/2017 09:41

It might be a rule imposed by their insurers, in which case being a few days short of 15 would mean they weren't covered

PandorasXbox · 28/08/2017 09:45

But what has the insurance got to do with the parents that grassed?

LittleWitch · 28/08/2017 09:52

Can I be the only one to ask why, if you've taken your DD away just for the weekend, just the two of you, you weren't with her? What were you doing?

She clearly doesn't need supervision, but you said she'd been swimming with the others all morning, then went back again after lunch. What are you doing together? You have nothing else to do and nobody to do it with, yet this other family has the pleasure of your DD's company pretty much all day. I should imagine that's why they're cheesed off (if it was them who complained).

Hulababy · 28/08/2017 09:56

Why in earth can't a 15 year old play?!?!?! How bizarre!

Dd is 15y and her and her friends love to play in the pool. They don't just get in alone and swim up and down in silent lengths. They get in and have fun, and yes - it's called playing! Even adults are allowed to go and have some fun and 'play' - it's actually good for our health to play!

Dd babysat last night and PLAYED with the children she was caring for - games and toys. She has her young cousins staying for 5 days this week and yes, she will have fun PLAYING with them and entertaining them.

Hate that we expect our teenagers to grow up and be adults all the time!!!
I'd much rather Dd was capable of having some fun play time than always wanting to be a sensible grown up constantly. Luckily she's capable of both, as are most adults -!: teens surely?!

Hulababy · 28/08/2017 09:59

However, that aside ... rules say no under 15s unsupervised. That will be insurance based I suspect and as it will have no lifeguard. Also they will no doubt be wanting to avoid having a whole load of pre teens in a group messing about with no adults potentially causing noise and taking over the pool - so avoids that too. So regardless of 14y being a good swimmer - rules say

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