to be annoyed with these parents?

[ilivebythesea]

OK, deep breath..., this'll be long...

Have taken one of my DDs away for a weekend break, just the two of us. We are staying in a cottage, with about 8 other cottages around us.

We were swimming in the outdoor pool earlier in the day and DD, aged 14, made friends with 2 children. After lunch, DD asked if she could go back to the pool to play with these same children. Their parents were there, so I said yes, as long as she asked if she could play with them. I said if they weren't there or if they left the pool at any time, she had to come straight back to the cottage.

The rules on the side of the pool say no lone swimming and that children under 15 must have a parent poolside. DD is 15 in two weeks time.

DD came back saying she'd had a great time with these children. The parents were present all the time and had agreed she could play with their children.

OK, so just now, a member of staff knocked on our cottage door, saying some parents (I wonder who?) had phoned the office (which is not open as it's sunday), to complain, sorry, I meant voice their concern that a child was swimming alone in the pool and that they'd had to supervise her! Staff member kept saying no-one is allowed to swim solo (she wasn't) and if she's under 15, I had to be there. She's hardly going to be any different in two weeks time when she is 15. Staff member obviously believes other parents story.

Now I feel like shit. She's a competent swimmer, responsible teenager and I was trying to give her some independence, especially as she's quite shy. She's really upset too. I trust her completely when she says she wasn't alone and that she'd asked the parents if she could play with their children. At no time did I or DD ask them to assume parental responsibility for her.

They know which cottage we are in, so why not come and speak to me about it, rather than tell tales and lies and upset us both. Feel like packing up early and going home...

Give over littlewitch. She's a very nearly 15 year old girl! Her mother doesn't have to be with her all the time.

Hula the OP didn't assume that anyone needed to supervise her DD as she's comfortable knowing that she can supervise herself in the pool.

To the OP, if your DD was run-over by a drink driver, testing 35.1 mg/ml breath instead of 39.4 mg/ml (the limit being 35), would you be happy with the argument that such a minute difference is hardly likely to make any difference to the driver's ability? No? Rules only apply to other people eh?

It's an extreme example but it's the logical conclusion to your defence of flouting the rules because your 'DD was only 2 weeks away from being 15'. A line has to be drawn somewhere, and if you are on the wrong side of it, you are wrong. Thus YABU.

Also, how would you have reacted if you DD had got into difficulties in the pool (imagine her hair got caught in a filter or something?). Would you have blamed the other parents? Or the holiday cottage company?

Hope you've managed a decent night's sleep and can crack on with enjoying the rest of your hol.

None of this shit matters. Onwards and upwards!

If it was them who complained it is very weird. Why on earth would they care, surely easier for them if their daughter had a friend to hang out with and I think the vast majority of people would think it is nice that your daughter who is here alone had someone of her age to hang out with. If there had been an incident of some kind you could sort of understand it - but for gods sake what prevents someone from saying 'we are off now, so I think you will have to head home'.

I would be upset too - feels very judgemental of them and totally ridiculous. People seem so intent of getting outraged over such little things these days, what happened to 'live and let live'? Someone recently complained about me sitting with my dogs in a children's play area when it was pouring with rain and no children were there. Because its the rules. I would have left immediately if children came. Sad Sad individuals.

Pandora - yes she did because she told her DD to leave when they leave and if I recall to ask them if she could play there

But you're missing the point entirely, the rules will be likely due to insurance, this weekend I'm away with my DD who is nearly 9 and can swim, dive, hold her breath under water far longer than me, but I have to supervise her, so I am, was on the loungers inside I hasten to add, for about 5 hours straight yesterday - not been in the health suite because she needs supervision - albeit there are loads of other parents here and the sauna is next to the pool

OP Cannot make up the rules - insurance
Companies do that, if there needed to be a
Claim they'd use this as a tactic to get
Out of paying, then it'll be all eyes on OP I'd guess to stomp up the cash to
Cover any claims
Unlikely yes, but not OPs decision to make

It wouldn't bother me
Leaving a 15 year old to swim alone either in a busy pool but the
Rules should be followed or chose a different location

Also think about it this way - I recently renewed my Mortgage the man said what salary are you on and I told him, then said my annual pay rise kicks in tomorrow and it's an extra £3k PA - he said he couldn't use those figures as it was not valid on the day we were sorting the mortgage, if unneeded that extra
Amount (which I didn't do it wasn't a biggie) to call again tomorrow but he couldn't do it today

Again - rules in place albeit a bit crap

I feel sure Godwin's Law must be within touching distance now.

Someone already mentioned the Gestapo oven

@BackieJerkhart sums it up:

As it stands I suspect there is more to it than we know. If all is as OP says andnthis family were so happy to have her DD there then it makes no sense that they would report her. Either they weren't as happy with the situation as OP claims or it wasn't them that reported.

Someone recently complained about me sitting with my dogs in a children's play area when it was pouring with rain and no children were there. Because its the rules. I would have left immediately if children came. Sad Sad individuals.

I used to be that person, running a village playground. We used to be lenient about dogs coming in if they were well behaved but had to become stricter because people would see the responsible dog owners and think it was ok to bring in their badly behaved dogs in at any time and let them poo, chase children, etc. So it was easier to say no dogs ever. No ambiguity.

I have read a few condescending and telling off posts but can't really be arsed to read the rest ( time limited. I need to get prepared for work).

OP your DD is about to turn 15. She is a competent swimmer and is hoping to make friends around the pool. Just as most teens do...

My DD gained her mile certificate and lifesavers gold award at the age of 9. She is now just turned 16. Would I worry about her being in an adults pool now? No! Would I have worried about her spending time in a holiday pool at 14? No! I very much doubt your holiday apartment/hotel room is a great distance away.

Teens of this age need opportunities to practise their social/independent skills. (What nearly 15 year old wants their parents helicoptering over them?). I'm sure there will be parents on MN who still helicopter their teens. You know your DD and I'm sure you would have "supervised" her had you felt the need.

Don't give yourself a hard time. Enjoy the rest of your hols x

I'm sure there will be parents on MN who still helicopter their teens. You know your DD and I'm sure you would have "supervised" her had you felt the need.

I don't helicopter my DSC not does my DH.

It is irrelevant however as it is the rules of where they are staying. The OP signed up to it when staying there.

If you don't like it then stay elsewhere. It really is that simple.

OP - I'd have done exactly what you did. We were often the adults on hand when our kids joined up with others on holidays, other kids parents did the same for ours. Part of being on hols for them in that type of location is meeting other kids and having fun with them.

Too nervous to tell you after previously being friendly but happy to run off to management and make an issue of another child playing with theirs after first asking if it was convenient? Weird

I'd be annoyed if someone else's kid tagged onto our family unit
Really? Your kids are not allowed to make friends and play with others at holiday resorts?

Mumsnet, the only place you can expect to be berated for 'breaking the rules' by 14 days but be told to mind your own business if you suggest reporting a benefit cheat 😂

Of course kids are allowed to make friends, just as long as the kid is with their guardian, rather than being palmed off onto someone else's family.
We made many friends on holiday as kids, but my mother never felt she had to look after them as the parents were always there.
Oh and if you want someone to watch your child it's polite to ask first. Clearly nursing a hangover and trying to get some 'me time'
Deal with the consequences.

YABU
But only technically as your daughter is 2 weeks away from 15.
If it had been my child I'd have just told them to say they were 15. Obviously knowing my child could swim very well and 2 weeks would make no difference to how responsible they are or their ability to swim.

If it had been my child I'd have just told them to say they were 15.

And if an accident happened, the property owners wouldn't be covered by their insurance because you chose to lie. You could ruin their business completely.

Regardless of whether or not people agree with the rules, those are the rules so suck it up or go elsewhere. It's hardly a hardship sitting by the pool yet the OP couldn't be bothered to sit there nor could she be bothered to ask the other parents if they didn't mind keeping an eye on her daughter. The OP and her DD broke the rules. It isn't the other parents' job to enforce the rules so it makes sense that they told the property manager. Maybe it's because they were actually concerned! Surely that is better than not giving a damn.

Oh and if you want someone to watch your child it's polite to ask first. Clearly nursing a hangover and trying to get some 'me time'

Are you reading the same OP as me? The OP who told her daughter to ask first if it was convenient to the parents for her to play with the others in the pool and who remained within OP's earshot, in the afternoon after lunch?

It isn't the other parents' job to enforce the rules so it makes sense that they told the property manager.

Yes it made so much more sense for them to sit by the pool and sunbathe whilst DD entertained their kids, then complain to the manager. It would have been so difficult to simply say "not convenient this afternoon" or "fine but is your mother coming as the rule says it has to be a parent supervising?"

I'm surprised the sign said "parent" - whenever I've seen these signs they have said adult present, no mention of relationships. Bad luck on any kids traveling with DGP, cousins etc if The Rules say "parent" .

Sounds like they were annoyed enough at having to supervise their own DC and then to make it worse your DC too while you had time to yourself. It might have been better to have a quick word with the other parents perhaps offering to do a supervisory shift in return.

What a cheery bunch on here tonight! OP it's totally understandable that you'd feel annoyed at how they handled it.

They sound like right killjoys, don't let it spoil the rest of your holiday! I would have done exactly the same in your situation and I'm sure most people on this thread would have too

@ItsThisOneThing I would have done exactly the same in your situation and I'm sure most people on this thread would have too wink

The comments suggest otherwise...

The point is, people aren't saying they wouldn't supervise someone, just to be dicks about it, it is just the rule for that place (regardless of what other rules exist for anything in the world or you agree with it).

I asked earlier, what IS the line you would draw, if 14yrs 50 wks is ok for a clear-cut "no unsupervised under 15s" rule? You must have one, so what is it?

It's one of those things OP. You made a judgement call and be parents got funny. No one was harmed and you won't see them again. Just go to the pool and stick your headphones in and let DD carry on. It's rules for one pool, not the law. You were told not to do it again so don't.
Next year- you can do as you please as your daughter will be older.
These people are not the be all and end all of life. They are one family. This doesn't make you a bad parent and you haven't been banned from the pool

@ShotsFired Yes I know the comments suggest otherwise but I think people are being deliberately combative and judgy, and I do genuinely believe most of them would have done the same with a responsible nearly-15 yr old (despite the shocked and appalled rants).

Clearly the OP's DD was in no way at risk, so I don't know what their motivation was for reporting it.

Hope OP doesn't let it ruin her holiday