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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To not want to take this child's sibling too?

336 replies

Wilburissomepig · 27/08/2017 09:57

Off for a day out today for DD's birthday and have invited her friend to come with us. She's an absolutely lovely kid and I'm more than happy to have her come along, she comes out with us quite a lot.

Have just had a text from her mum to ask if we can also take her sister with us too as she (mum) isn't feeling very well today and it would really help her out.

Normally, I would be happy to help but I really don't want to take her sister too. She used to come round 2/3 years ago when the girls were younger but I had to put a stop to it as she caused so much drama. She constantly argues with her sister, makes her cry, kicked the dog while he was asleep to get him to move out of her way Angry and was consistently unkind to my DD too. She's 12, very sullen and generally would make the day miserable for everyone.

She also, I very strongly believe, took some things from my house and money from my purse. I didn't tell her mum at the time (I know I should have) because she was going through a horrendous time at that point and didn't want to make things worse. I've since found out that she did the same at another friends house (who did tell mum so she is aware of the problem). After the dog and money incidents (on the same day) I just put a stop to her coming round by generally engineering it that way. (So I basically took the easy way out).

I feel like a bitch for not helping this woman out if she's not well but I really don't want to take this girl along too and I'm well aware that I sound like an utter cow for saying this about a 12 year old kid but it's really going to spoil the day for DD and her friend. I also don't know what to say to her mum.

OP posts:
yawning801 · 27/08/2017 09:59

YANBU!

RB68 · 27/08/2017 10:00

At 12 she can pretty much look after herself at home you are not being unreasonable and I personally would just say no I can't I am afraid she doesn't get on well with her sister when we are out and about and doesn't take direction from you making the experience unpleasant. But then I am a bit tell it like it is to be honest.

Mum would have to be going to hospital for me to take someone like that

converseandjeans · 27/08/2017 10:00

YANBU just make up an excuse. She is most likely worn out from having her home over the hols. It's DD special day out so don't feel guilty.

Mrscropley · 27/08/2017 10:00

"Sorry but the plans are for 2 x dc only. Hope you feel better soon. .."
At 12 surely she can be self sufficient while her dm is feeling crap?

Crunchymum · 27/08/2017 10:00

Can you just say everything is prebooked / not enough space in car / you are meeting some other people so can't be responsible for an extra person.

At 12, the girl should be fine to entertain herself if the mum is ill?

kimlo · 27/08/2017 10:01

say that you can't. 12 year olds are fine when you aren't well, it's not like having a toddler, they watch netflix and pretty mich look after themselves.

Sugarhunnyicedtea · 27/08/2017 10:01

YANBU at all! It's bloody cheeky of the mum to ask. It's up to her to arrange an alternative if she's not well, what would she have done on any other day?

MrsOverTheRoad · 27/08/2017 10:01

YANBU. Just say "Oh so sorry but DD has expressly pointed out how much she's looking forward to one to one time with her best friend. Hope you feel better soon!"

Strictly1 · 27/08/2017 10:01

YANBU. She needs to organise alternative childcare. This is your daughter's special day. Hope it's a great day.

Elllicam · 27/08/2017 10:03

Yanbu I would make a polite excuse, not enough room in car/prebooked tickets etc.

Assburgers · 27/08/2017 10:04

YANBU.

Don't give a reason as she might find a way round the reason. Just say you won't be able to manage that, sorry she's sick, hope she feels better soon.

MrsJayy · 27/08/2017 10:04

Say no we can't take her sorry

honeysucklejasmine · 27/08/2017 10:05

"so sorry you're feeling ill but we really can't, I'm afraid. We've planned everything for just the X of us, there's no room for another. I'm sure she'll be fine if you just leave her to it with a DVD and her phone."

How old is DD and her friend?

MrsHathaway · 27/08/2017 10:05

If she's 12 she can look after herself and not get in her mother's way while she's feeling rough. If you'd said she was six it would be different.

But I don't know how you reply, now that she's asked. Any wriggle room for a white lie re seats in the car or similar?

Happy birthday to your DD: I hope she has a great day without Miss Grumpy. 🎂

Saracen · 27/08/2017 10:06

On another occasion I would have said it would be kind of you to tolerate her for a day to help her mum out but not if it will ruin your dd's birthday treat.

BTW do you know for a fact that the girl is still just as hard work as she used to be? You haven't had her round for several years now, right? Kids can change. Could it be time to give her another chance? (Not today though obvs.)

SuburbanRhonda · 27/08/2017 10:06

I agree with not giving a reason because she'll find a way round it.

I like mrs's reply.

SuburbanRhonda · 27/08/2017 10:08

Just noticed there are 3 mrs on this thread!

I meant mrsovertheroad Smile

RoganJosh · 27/08/2017 10:09

I'd probably just say that any other time you'd love to, but can't this time as it's DDs birthday treat.

Shadow666 · 27/08/2017 10:09

I agree, just say "Sorry, we can't. Hope you're feeling better soon!"

lorelairoryemily · 27/08/2017 10:09

YANBU!! How cheeky!

Brownsauceandsausages · 27/08/2017 10:10

Oh god I hate it when people put others in this sort of position. Cheeky to ask imho. I'd say something along the lines of "so sorry, not possible on this particular occasion, hope you feel better soon".

AnneBiscuit · 27/08/2017 10:11

YANBU. I'm a lone parent with a 12 year old and when I was ill a few weeks ago it didn't enter my mind to get someone else to look after him as, at 12, he can look after himself. And me! He was lovely and kept bringing me drinks although seemed determined to cover me with a blanket even though it was 22 degrees that day!

CantThinkOfAUserNameNotTaken · 27/08/2017 10:12

so sorry you're feeling ill but we really can't, I'm afraid. We've planned everything for just the X of us, there's no room for another. I'm sure she'll be fine if you just leave her to it with a DVD and her phone."

Yanbu. Go with honey's but without the reasons.

so sorry you're feeling ill but we really can't, I'm afraidWe've planned everything for just the X of us, there's no room for anotherI'm sure she'll be fine if you just leave her to it with a DVD and her phone."

CantThinkOfAUserNameNotTaken · 27/08/2017 10:13

That didn't work...

so sorry you're feeling ill but we really can't, I'm afraid. I'm sure she'll be fine if you just leave her to it with a DVD and her phone."

Nocabbageinmyeye · 27/08/2017 10:13

No excuses, no next time i'd love to just

"No can do I'm afraid, hope you feel better soon"

She's 12, she can mind herself, the woman is just being cheeky