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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to take this child's sibling too?

336 replies

Wilburissomepig · 27/08/2017 09:57

Off for a day out today for DD's birthday and have invited her friend to come with us. She's an absolutely lovely kid and I'm more than happy to have her come along, she comes out with us quite a lot.

Have just had a text from her mum to ask if we can also take her sister with us too as she (mum) isn't feeling very well today and it would really help her out.

Normally, I would be happy to help but I really don't want to take her sister too. She used to come round 2/3 years ago when the girls were younger but I had to put a stop to it as she caused so much drama. She constantly argues with her sister, makes her cry, kicked the dog while he was asleep to get him to move out of her way Angry and was consistently unkind to my DD too. She's 12, very sullen and generally would make the day miserable for everyone.

She also, I very strongly believe, took some things from my house and money from my purse. I didn't tell her mum at the time (I know I should have) because she was going through a horrendous time at that point and didn't want to make things worse. I've since found out that she did the same at another friends house (who did tell mum so she is aware of the problem). After the dog and money incidents (on the same day) I just put a stop to her coming round by generally engineering it that way. (So I basically took the easy way out).

I feel like a bitch for not helping this woman out if she's not well but I really don't want to take this girl along too and I'm well aware that I sound like an utter cow for saying this about a 12 year old kid but it's really going to spoil the day for DD and her friend. I also don't know what to say to her mum.

OP posts:
SchoolShoes · 27/08/2017 10:46

I have had a lot of bad health and my 12 year old was able to look after themselves and me for short periods. Not ideal of course.a

And if a kind neighbours offered to take them out it was a godsend. But then again my kids are mostly well behaved.

Stick to your guns.

Aeroflotgirl · 27/08/2017 10:46

Just continue saying no, sorry its not going to work. This is dd birthday, and she wants her friend there. I am helping you out, by taking out (sic nice dd). Mabey ask a friend or a neighbour if they can have other dd. Bye see you later, that's it.

Brownsauceandsausages · 27/08/2017 10:47

Shock at her reply. If the thought of taking the sibling out on another occasion had crossed my mind, I would be dismissing it now.

NancyDonahue · 27/08/2017 10:48

You'll be fine op. Mumsnet is behind you! You'll feel so much better if you don't cave in. Let us know how it goes.

TheAntiBoop · 27/08/2017 10:48

Just keep replying that you can't take her other child. You don't have to give a reason that her.

Just remember when people are asking or things that you think are cheeky and you agree - yes you are pleasing them but do you think they give a fuck about you? It's one thing if it is a mutually supportive situation but you know who the pisstakers are and do not feel bad at all

Nocabbageinmyeye · 27/08/2017 10:48

Fairenuff nah it's not cheeky when it's out of concern, which is the only reason we want her to do it Wink

Be strong op, but be ready for a sob story, a fake illness and a sad looking 12 year old on the door step

ItBroke · 27/08/2017 10:48

What a rude person.

MintyChops · 27/08/2017 10:48

I wouldn't mind the initial request but I would be pissed off by the attempted blackmail follow-up. Stand your ground OP, it's perfectly reasonable to take one and not the other, it's unreasonable of her to try to make you feel bad about it.

Aeroflotgirl · 27/08/2017 10:48

If she has them ready, take the dd, say no, this is not part of the plan, you have to get a neighbour or friend to look after dd12, If she did that, it would make me very angry. You are already doing her a favour.

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 27/08/2017 10:49

YANBU.
She's a way way way out of line putting you on the bloody spot, like that.
Talk about giving someone an inch and them taking a mile.

NK493efc93X1277dd3d6d4 · 27/08/2017 10:49

Outrageous -no no no!

Viviennemary · 27/08/2017 10:50

If she has got both girls ready I'd be tempted to say sorry the truth is she's just too much trouble. But I wouldn't. Say you're picking somebody else up anything you like but please don't give in.

GinIsIn · 27/08/2017 10:50

DON'T GIVE IN, YOU CAN DO IT! The kid is 12, why on earth does she need looking after?! If her mum wants rid can't she just give her £10 and tell her to bugger off to the cinema? Confused

Spangles1963 · 27/08/2017 10:50

YANBU. Why should you have to 'babysit' a 12 year old? At that age,they are perfectly capable of looking after themselves for a few hours if their DM is feeling poorly.

NewDaddie · 27/08/2017 10:54

@OP

It's not her fault for making you 'feel bad' that's your own people pleasing issue.

But don't feel bad you're not doing anything wrong.

Your friend needs to sort out her dd's behaviour issues, and I'm afraid social exclusion is a very natural consequence of abhorrent behaviour.

Be polite but firm. Do not make up excuses or even reasons.

Exclusion is both the punishment and the LESSON the thieving rude little shit needs. I genuinely hope she learns it this time.

Brownsauceandsausages · 27/08/2017 10:55

And I think it is cheeky to ask. Fine if your DC are tiny and you are really desperate. Not fine to try and opportunistically palm a sibling off on to someone who is already doing you a favour.

CoffeeBreakIn5 · 27/08/2017 10:56

Good luck OP! I'd reply with 'I would have helped out under different circumstances but the dynamic will be different if there is the 3 of them and as it's DD's birthday I don't want to risk that.

If she's got both of them ready to go don't give in! Repeat the text and leave. You're under no obligation to babysit a sulky 12 year old just because the sibling is friends with your child.

expatinscotland · 27/08/2017 10:57

'The problem is I'm a shocking people pleaser. I get myself tied up in knots stressing about things like this.'

At the expense of your own daughter on her birthday? C'mon! No one is this wet, especially when it comes to her own child. Really hope you don't ruin it all for your daughter by taking this kid along.

The mother is a pisstaker.

Really, truly, grow a pair because you're not setting your kids a good example by putting other people's needs above theirs because you're wet.

SmitheringSmithison · 27/08/2017 10:59

Bloody hell the cheeky cow! That second text would have fucked me right off! For what it's worth too I have had a fair bit of bad health over the last 3 years and my dc (currently aged 6 & 9) have been able to recognise when I've been too ill to do much and have entertained themselves with me doing the bare minimum in terms of meals and snacks.

CantThinkOfAUserNameNotTaken · 27/08/2017 11:00

Good luck op. Definitely send back your original text. She knows you are a people pleaser.

bimbobaggins · 27/08/2017 11:01

There really is no end to some people's cheek. The initial request is fair enough and good that you declined but the guilt trip after is a pisstake.
Stand up for yourself and do not take her . She's old enough to look after herself. As expat says don't be so wet

FluffyPineapple · 27/08/2017 11:02

If the 12 year old behaves as you say she probably doesn't get invited to birthday parties and is jealous because nice DD has been invited.

She needs to realise there are consequences for her actions. She's 12 she could try to show her 'nice' by staying home and looking after her ill mum.

'No' is a complete sentence 😉 Good Luck! 🍀

Doglikeafox · 27/08/2017 11:04

When I saw your thread I thought you were going to say it was a younger sibling (like 4,5,6) and was going to suggest that if you could taker her, you do as a favour for someone who's feeling a bit rubbish but 12 Shock.
I cannot imagine having to go elsewhere at 12 because my mum was ill... if anything I'd have been the one bringing her cups of tea and noodle soup and then clearing off for the day with my friends.
Absolutely right not to agree IMO

MrsMotherHen · 27/08/2017 11:06

i hope youve just got one from the pick up not two.

Brownsauceandsausages · 27/08/2017 11:06

Sorry but I detest the way of thinking that says if you have a conscience you are at fault for feeling bad when unscrupulous people put you on the spot.

Also, although this sibling may be difficult, judging by her mother's behaviour, it's possibly not entirely her fault and I think calling a 12 yr old child a thieving rude little shit is too harsh.

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