Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to take this child's sibling too?

336 replies

Wilburissomepig · 27/08/2017 09:57

Off for a day out today for DD's birthday and have invited her friend to come with us. She's an absolutely lovely kid and I'm more than happy to have her come along, she comes out with us quite a lot.

Have just had a text from her mum to ask if we can also take her sister with us too as she (mum) isn't feeling very well today and it would really help her out.

Normally, I would be happy to help but I really don't want to take her sister too. She used to come round 2/3 years ago when the girls were younger but I had to put a stop to it as she caused so much drama. She constantly argues with her sister, makes her cry, kicked the dog while he was asleep to get him to move out of her way Angry and was consistently unkind to my DD too. She's 12, very sullen and generally would make the day miserable for everyone.

She also, I very strongly believe, took some things from my house and money from my purse. I didn't tell her mum at the time (I know I should have) because she was going through a horrendous time at that point and didn't want to make things worse. I've since found out that she did the same at another friends house (who did tell mum so she is aware of the problem). After the dog and money incidents (on the same day) I just put a stop to her coming round by generally engineering it that way. (So I basically took the easy way out).

I feel like a bitch for not helping this woman out if she's not well but I really don't want to take this girl along too and I'm well aware that I sound like an utter cow for saying this about a 12 year old kid but it's really going to spoil the day for DD and her friend. I also don't know what to say to her mum.

OP posts:
BabsGanoush · 27/08/2017 10:32

Cheeky fecker - she wanted a kid free day...and it's back to school soon.

LindyHemming · 27/08/2017 10:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DeadButDelicious · 27/08/2017 10:33

Not your job to help. The child is twelve. Set her up with Netflix or whatever and she'll be fine. Stand firm OP.

Spadequeen · 27/08/2017 10:33

Just say that you're not able to on this occasion. Come on, you can do this.

GeillisTheWitch · 27/08/2017 10:33

She's a fanny. Just ignore any further passive aggressive texts and stick to your guns.

Treaclespongeandcustard · 27/08/2017 10:33

Stay strong op, she's being cheeky. Smile but don't say sorry!!! You haven't done anything f wrong x

jeaux90 · 27/08/2017 10:33

I doubt this is about her being ill. I bet the dd12 is complaining about not going. You need to stick to your guns. It's your dd's birthday treat.

chickenowner · 27/08/2017 10:34

DO NOT TAKE HER!!

Her reply was very rude. You don't owe her a day of free childcare.

SABeeTiger · 27/08/2017 10:34

Oh yes the "help" line which is always loaded with connotations and emotional blackmail! It's effing hard to stick to your guns but please please do it!

AnnieAnoniMouse · 27/08/2017 10:34

Reply. 'YourDD is 12, she doesn't need a babysitter! She'll be able to look after you today. Make the most of it!'

LindyHemming · 27/08/2017 10:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

jannier · 27/08/2017 10:34

Fine for you to say no sorry doesn't fit in with plans etc...and at 12 she is old enough.

But....if you last had her 2 or 3 years ago and she was misbehaving at a time when mum was going through difficult times I would probably assume the child was also going through difficult times as at the age of 9 or 10 they are aware of family issues and often get responsibility dumped on them like caring fro younger sibling while mummy is ill/seeing to this problem/stressed way to early to cope with the responsibility being badly behaved was probably her cry for help but instead it got overlooked. Id give her the benefit of the doubt take her and treat her like a helper for me with some responsibilities to keep her amused....after asking her if she really wants to come....this child may well have been forced to grow up too early and need someone to treat her like her age not an adult.
Children don't get criminal records because the law recognises they grow up and mature if the law can give second chances I think we should...unless we know its still an on going problem and can not support it.

cowssheephens · 27/08/2017 10:34

What a cheeky mare. Stick to your guns OP, otherwise it's your DD who will have her day spoilt.

Willow2017 · 27/08/2017 10:34

Good reply.
No need for more excuses when you pick up. Just repeat "No, she isnt coming with us."

12 year old can amuse herself, get her own lunch and look after her mum, mum can go back to bed if she wants to.

She is probably not even feeling rough at all just saw an opportunity to get rid of 12 yr old for the day so she could do her own thing.

Cynical ? Who me?

butterfly56 · 27/08/2017 10:35

Being a people pleaser is a nightmare way to live...I know I've done it most of my life!!
It's a good time to start ditching the people pleasing and think about you first.

Don't let this woman try and guilt you into taking the daughter. This will probably be the selfish 12year old trying to force the issue with the mother!

Stay strong!Flowers

Whinesalot · 27/08/2017 10:35

Reply. 'YourDD is 12, she doesn't need a babysitter! She'll be able to look after you today. Make the most of it!'

This too.

MsMarvel · 27/08/2017 10:36

To be trying to get you to watch a 12 year old because she's feeling a bit under the weather?

I'm guessing she has made plans that she needs the house empty for (boyfriend? Boozy lunch with friends?) And is assuming that she can lie to you and you will facilitate it.

YouTheCat · 27/08/2017 10:36

Don't cave in! You will regret it.

MrsHathaway · 27/08/2017 10:36

If she's rude enough to push, you can be ruder than you are being now.

"Can you really not take 12?"

"No, we really can't. See you later."

"But ."

"No. Bye."

Broken record, no engagement. Breezy smile and minimal conversation.

Glumglowworm · 27/08/2017 10:36

Yadnbu

If the child was a toddler I'd understand (if she is actually ill) but a 12 year old doesn't need much looking after for one day if mum is feeling rough. A day in front of the tv/computer/iPad is fine. Or make arrangements with her own friends if mum really can't cope.

You are absolutely not obliged to take an uninvited sibling. Your own child and her friend will be happier without the sister there (and you will be too!).

You need to put your own child first over an adult who is being cheeky

Nocabbageinmyeye · 27/08/2017 10:37

"No, usually happy to help when I can but not today, see you at 11 for x dd"

chickenowner · 27/08/2017 10:37

I agree with pp, if you cave now you will be really cross with yourself.

It may also spoil your DDs birthday day out.

Do not do it!

MrsJayy · 27/08/2017 10:37

She knows you are a softie that is why she is doing the emotional nonsense be strong pick the pal up and just keep walking we are all behind you nagging don't take her don't take her 😁

pictish · 27/08/2017 10:37

If she asks just say, "It's dd's birthday so the day is about her. I can't take xxx today." and swiftly change the subject to "hope you feel better soon" while beating a hasty "must get going" retreat.

Her dd is 12...she'll be grand. She doesn't need a childminder. Don't feel guilty.

NancyDonahue · 27/08/2017 10:38

She's rude. Don't reply to that text and act like you haven't seen it. Just collect her dd and say 'Dd is so excited about her Birthday, so we must rush - bye!

Swipe left for the next trending thread