To not want to take this child's sibling too?

[Wilburissomepig]

Off for a day out today for DD's birthday and have invited her friend to come with us. She's an absolutely lovely kid and I'm more than happy to have her come along, she comes out with us quite a lot.

Have just had a text from her mum to ask if we can also take her sister with us too as she (mum) isn't feeling very well today and it would really help her out.

Normally, I would be happy to help but I really don't want to take her sister too. She used to come round 2/3 years ago when the girls were younger but I had to put a stop to it as she caused so much drama. She constantly argues with her sister, makes her cry, kicked the dog while he was asleep to get him to move out of her way and was consistently unkind to my DD too. She's 12, very sullen and generally would make the day miserable for everyone.

She also, I very strongly believe, took some things from my house and money from my purse. I didn't tell her mum at the time (I know I should have) because she was going through a horrendous time at that point and didn't want to make things worse. I've since found out that she did the same at another friends house (who did tell mum so she is aware of the problem). After the dog and money incidents (on the same day) I just put a stop to her coming round by generally engineering it that way. (So I basically took the easy way out).

I feel like a bitch for not helping this woman out if she's not well but I really don't want to take this girl along too and I'm well aware that I sound like an utter cow for saying this about a 12 year old kid but it's really going to spoil the day for DD and her friend. I also don't know what to say to her mum.

Wilburissomepig excellent so glad it worked out.

I think Greentulips has a very valid point but the end result should still be the same, the mum picks up the invited girl and takes her out as planned. The fact we can see another possible side to a story doesn't mean we have to change what we do/did, or feel guilty.

The OP put her own daughter first, that is totally right. But maybe she will not think so badly of the other mum. And that is not a band thing to me.

bad thing! Not band...

Plenty old enough to stay home and make her own lunch don't feel guilty

YANBU

You don't need to explain yourself, you just say No sorry we can't do it and wish her well. At 12 she should be able to look after herself, even if her Mum needed to go to hospital.

It drives me nuts how in this country people presume to bring siblings older or younger (with the exception of babes in arms) to a birthday party that only child X has been invited to.

I don't know if this contributes to the conversation about children with social difficulties but when our dd was about 8 or 9 we had a birthday party at a craft activity place with a room for birthday cake I think that it was 12 children plus ds and a friend. He (21 mos older) didn't need supervision but dc are close and he had a buddy who came too. Dh and I were only parents attending plus 2 teenage craft place workers.

Dd chose the invited girls. She had one girl that she spoke of frequently "mary." She loved playing with her on playground. I did not think twice about the invitation bc I only heard about happy days with her.

"Mary" was autistic. Her father dropped her off and scurried away without warning us. About 10 minutes into the party, she is hiding under the craft table. I spent most of the party one on one with "mary" so she didn't feel bad or disrupt the party.

She was more than welcome but if I had known, (I would have expected her parents to say something) I could have at least hired another crafts person (I'm an artist, I was going to help with the projects). I virtually missed my own dd's birthday party...not fun, trying to guide the party through cake, gifts, etc while mary acted out, called ds names and ugh! It was awful, I won't go into details but she needed a person with her, devoted to her. I want to cry just thinking of the stress that day.

I was so angry at the father for hurrying away without warning us, not just bc I missed most of the party and was unable to ensure things went smoothly, but bc I was frightened for his dd who was having difficulty. I was completely unaware of what was wrong or how to cope.

I was proud of dd for not recognizing or discriminating against a girl with difficulties. Dd didnt notice apparently bc the girl "is smart and fun." Ds overlooked getting called names in front of several girls and his friend too.

Dd invited her, I would never turn her away! It was dangerous and rude to make me figure out something is wrong as I'm negotiating with an 8 yo to come out from under a table!

Very sorry but plans already made. Sure the 12 yo is old enough to entertain herself.

I would also have a word with mum about the stealing.

And "Cherish" who made you boss!? Pipe down

What would other person do if you were not taking her daughter out for the day with DD. Would have to contend with two DD s whilst she wasn't feeling well. Kind of get the feeling OP is trying to have a childfree day asking you to take her other daughter too. YANBU. Big age gap and activities would be boring for 12 year old and your DD was looking forward to her friend being with her for day. Sorry, sure 12 year old will enjoy the peace and quiet at home without her little sister.

I'd feel awful if i was the OP's friend and if OP would have taken her,felt even worse knowing it's because i complained

But then surely you wouldn't have asked or complained in the first place!

I'm glad you put your daughter first. I have a 20 year old son and a ten year old daughter, this crap has been happening to me for years. The best and most common one I found was always another parent arranging to take the kids out with us then bailing at the last minute so I take them all on my own. Took me a long time to start saying "sorry you can't make it today, we'll arrange it for another day when we can all go together". Some people like to get rid of theor kids when they get the chance rather than do something with them themselves!