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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To not want to take this child's sibling too?

336 replies

Wilburissomepig · 27/08/2017 09:57

Off for a day out today for DD's birthday and have invited her friend to come with us. She's an absolutely lovely kid and I'm more than happy to have her come along, she comes out with us quite a lot.

Have just had a text from her mum to ask if we can also take her sister with us too as she (mum) isn't feeling very well today and it would really help her out.

Normally, I would be happy to help but I really don't want to take her sister too. She used to come round 2/3 years ago when the girls were younger but I had to put a stop to it as she caused so much drama. She constantly argues with her sister, makes her cry, kicked the dog while he was asleep to get him to move out of her way Angry and was consistently unkind to my DD too. She's 12, very sullen and generally would make the day miserable for everyone.

She also, I very strongly believe, took some things from my house and money from my purse. I didn't tell her mum at the time (I know I should have) because she was going through a horrendous time at that point and didn't want to make things worse. I've since found out that she did the same at another friends house (who did tell mum so she is aware of the problem). After the dog and money incidents (on the same day) I just put a stop to her coming round by generally engineering it that way. (So I basically took the easy way out).

I feel like a bitch for not helping this woman out if she's not well but I really don't want to take this girl along too and I'm well aware that I sound like an utter cow for saying this about a 12 year old kid but it's really going to spoil the day for DD and her friend. I also don't know what to say to her mum.

OP posts:
stayathomegardener · 27/08/2017 11:06

Id be a little concerned she may now stop her other daughter attending.
Good luck op.

MusicForTheJiltedGeneration · 27/08/2017 11:06

11.06am

justilou1 · 27/08/2017 11:07

If she tried to guilt trip me when I got there, I would do the death stare and say "Your daughter knows why she won't be coming to my place anymore...." and refuse to be drawn into it.

44PumpLane · 27/08/2017 11:08

I'd be concerned you'd tip up to collect one and the other will be stood at the door ready to go too, emotionally guilting you into feeling you have to take both- DO NOT!!!

If older sibling is disappointed it's the Mum who has created the disappointment

Hope you have picked up one by now.

AnnieAnoniMouse · 27/08/2017 11:11

If you have DD12 in your car I'm coming to sort you out!

😂

NancyDonahue · 27/08/2017 11:12

Op isn't a people pleasing wet blanket. She said no the first time. Her 'friend' is a rude guilt tripper who shouldn't have made her feel bad for having to say no TWICE.

Hope you're ok, op.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 27/08/2017 11:13

Hope you stood firm.
To be honest, I'd have told her that I didn't want her DD12 to ruin my DD's birthday, as she has caused problems and upset before and you're not prepared to upset her on her birthday just because her mum isn't feeling the best. At 12, she's definitely well able to look out for herself.

Bettercallsaul1 · 27/08/2017 11:15

Hope you are now out enjoying a lovely day with two children, OP!

MissHavishamsleftdaffodil · 27/08/2017 11:15

^^ What Minty said.

First request - ok, although asking a lot to fit in another kid to a special birthday treat.

Second text reply - bloody rude!

dustarr73 · 27/08/2017 11:17

Come on op.Do you have an extra child or did you stand firm

rollonthesummer · 27/08/2017 11:17

What a chancer!

I hope you didn't take her younger daughter!

Brownsauceandsausages · 27/08/2017 11:18

Exactly Nancy

gunsandbanjos · 27/08/2017 11:18

I'll echo the chorus of nooooo, tell the cheeky fucker to mind her own sullen, thieving daughter.

And as for the guilt trip second text? That would only serve to steel my resolve.

witchofzog · 27/08/2017 11:18

How rude. 12 is old enough to amuse herself. Hope you managed to stick to your guns op

witchofzog · 27/08/2017 11:19

And it wouldn't surprise me if she is actually not ill and just fancied a child free Sunday

chickenowner · 27/08/2017 11:20

What happened???

Completely agog here!

iloveredwine · 27/08/2017 11:21

yup I bet she fancied a child free day and now has to entertain the 12 year old.

YouTheCat · 27/08/2017 11:22

I bet the OP is now embroiled in an argument with the CF about why she can't take the 12 year old.

TaliZorahVasNormandy · 27/08/2017 11:23

Bet she's hoping for a mid sunday shag.

QuackDuckQuack · 27/08/2017 11:23

I think the 12 year old wants to go on the trip and the mother is trying to get her on the trip as the 12 year old is winging about it.

ClemDanfango · 27/08/2017 11:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

NataliaOsipova · 27/08/2017 11:27

I think the 12 year old wants to go on the trip and the mother is trying to get her on the trip as the 12 year old is winging about it

That hadn't occurred to me, but now you say it, I bet you're right. You just wouldn't ask to impose an uninvited younger child on someone else's special birthday outing as a quick "oh, can you do this minor favour for me?" request.

Aeroflotgirl · 27/08/2017 11:28

My dd 10 has ASD, learning difficulties, and she would be just fine with me on her own. She can entertain herself (draw, Kindle, youtube kids etc).

HotelEuphoria · 27/08/2017 11:28

Yeh I am another one that doesn't think she is ill.

She has other plans that don't include a 12 year old, be that in the pub or a day of sex.

She doesn't need your help other than to enable her to have a lovely day doing something without her 12 year old.

Cheeky

SouthPole · 27/08/2017 11:29

I've got a friend who does this all the time but when I say no at least she stops!