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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to take this child's sibling too?

336 replies

Wilburissomepig · 27/08/2017 09:57

Off for a day out today for DD's birthday and have invited her friend to come with us. She's an absolutely lovely kid and I'm more than happy to have her come along, she comes out with us quite a lot.

Have just had a text from her mum to ask if we can also take her sister with us too as she (mum) isn't feeling very well today and it would really help her out.

Normally, I would be happy to help but I really don't want to take her sister too. She used to come round 2/3 years ago when the girls were younger but I had to put a stop to it as she caused so much drama. She constantly argues with her sister, makes her cry, kicked the dog while he was asleep to get him to move out of her way Angry and was consistently unkind to my DD too. She's 12, very sullen and generally would make the day miserable for everyone.

She also, I very strongly believe, took some things from my house and money from my purse. I didn't tell her mum at the time (I know I should have) because she was going through a horrendous time at that point and didn't want to make things worse. I've since found out that she did the same at another friends house (who did tell mum so she is aware of the problem). After the dog and money incidents (on the same day) I just put a stop to her coming round by generally engineering it that way. (So I basically took the easy way out).

I feel like a bitch for not helping this woman out if she's not well but I really don't want to take this girl along too and I'm well aware that I sound like an utter cow for saying this about a 12 year old kid but it's really going to spoil the day for DD and her friend. I also don't know what to say to her mum.

OP posts:
ItsNachoCheese · 27/08/2017 10:38

Shes hoping by texting that reply your going to give in. Dont! Stand your ground for the sake of your dd

BrutusMcDogface · 27/08/2017 10:38

What a cheeky cow!! Shock

chips4teaplease · 27/08/2017 10:38

The younger child doesn't want to miss out on a day out and the mother is pressuring you to accommodate her. Don't do it.

Floralnomad · 27/08/2017 10:39

At 12 she doesnt need looking after , the mother is being really cheeky , just tell her you don't have room in the car .

Fairenuff · 27/08/2017 10:39

Reply with the same message as before:

'Sorry you're not feeling well, I'm afraid we can't take anyone else today, hope you're feeling better soon'.

This is an assertiveness technique known as the broken record.

She hasn't paid any attention to what you said because she is trying to get to the one goal of dd going with you. Whatever you say, she will keep trying.

So all you do is keep repeating yourself.

And if she gets funny with you, you can feign ignorance and blame your phone for sending one message multiple times Grin

twattymctwatterson · 27/08/2017 10:39

I just wanted to say that it's not cheeky to ask. I don't want any woman on her own who's struggling with difficult DC to feel they can't ask for help. Obviously she's cheeky not to accept your response

Aeroflotgirl · 27/08/2017 10:39

I would say no sorry, I am not able to at this time. At 12 she should be able to entertain herself and should not need a lot of adult supervision like a younger child would.

pictish · 27/08/2017 10:40

See now that would annoy me and I'd be more resolved than ever not to comply.

Good tactic...don't reply, pick up dd's friend, gtf out of there sharpish. Don't do it.

inlectorecumbit · 27/08/2017 10:40

I wonder if she is really feeling unwell or if she just wants a day of peace and quiet. The sister is probably moaning that she will be bored all day at home.
Stick to your guns and don't be bullied into taking her.
The dynamics of the day will be spoiled not to mention the extra expense
Good luck at 11

Aeroflotgirl · 27/08/2017 10:41

Oh what a arm twister she is, tell no, you are not able to cope with both of them, you have said that you will take dd and stick with that. Cheeky mare.

Nocabbageinmyeye · 27/08/2017 10:41

Just pull up, beep the horn, keep the engine running, drive it like you stole it away from the house then pull in around the corner to update us Wink

Original poster
Wilburissomepig · 27/08/2017 10:42

I'm not giving in. I'm annoyed that she's trying to make me feel bad, we're not even great friends, we're friends solely through our DD's.

OP posts:
gingerbeerd · 27/08/2017 10:42

I could understand her asking originally but she was being cheeky in trying to guilt you. I would explain politely (as suggested above), that it hasn't worked out in the past. Maybe then the next time you see her & she's feeling better, you could try to explain what happened between the kids? It's completely understandable why you wouldn't want to take the 12yo, especially on a birthday treat day.
If you're willing maybe you could invite the mum and both kids around, worst case scenario the kid acts like a brat again and the mother gets to witness it.
Essentially what I'm trying to say is YANBU Smile

MrsHathaway · 27/08/2017 10:42

NB you are helping, by taking her other daughter out, particularly if they are usually like cat and dog. Don't let her say you aren't helping.

"I'm glad I can help by taking NiceDD out, but I can't take 12DD as well. Hope you're feeling better soon."

Trb17 · 27/08/2017 10:42

Wow how cheeky is that Mum!

Just say you can't take her as you have plans that only fit to taking the two girls since it's your DD's birthday trip out.

Be firm.

DartmoorDoughnut · 27/08/2017 10:42

Hope you have a lovely day celebrating your DDs birthday

Aeroflotgirl · 27/08/2017 10:43

If she cannot cope with 1 12 year old child in her home, how on earth does she expect you to cope with her two, and yours Hmm. Selfish.

NancyDonahue · 27/08/2017 10:43

I sometimes use dh in these situations. 'I'd love to but dh says no'.

Viviennemary · 27/08/2017 10:43

I think I would answer the thought you would help text. With Sorry not possible this time.

Original poster
Wilburissomepig · 27/08/2017 10:44

And I'm pissed off with myself for having butterflies in much stomach because we're about to leave. I am 51 years old for crying out loud, what the hell is wrong with me.

I'll let you know what happens.

OP posts:
MrsJayy · 27/08/2017 10:44

I wonder if the 12yrold has been whinging i wanna go itsnotfair and that is why she is being insistent. Did the mum say what was wrong with her or just said feeling rough that is a bit non specific

Fairenuff · 27/08/2017 10:44

Haha NoCabbage I was going to ask OP to drive round the corner then pull over to update us too. But thought it might be a bit cheeky Grin

sebumfillaments · 27/08/2017 10:44

Ocerinvesred

JigglyTuff · 27/08/2017 10:44

I'd just ignore that text and collect your DD's friend

EggysMom · 27/08/2017 10:45

I bet you turn up at 11 and she's got both girls ready, she's effectively going to force you to be the baddie in front of her 12yo. Be prepared mentally for that.