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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be horrified by the way some people talk to their kids

216 replies

MistressPage · 24/08/2017 15:35

I know small children can be wearing. I know. But the way some people talk to their kids is so upsetting. At the farm and just passed a mother saying, very calmly and quite conversationally to her small daughter: "after your bath I don't want to see you for the rest of the day. I've had enough of your face today, ok?"
It chilled me to the bone. Such quiet contempt. That poor little girl. Why must people be so awful to their children
It's not that hard to be a grownup and remember to rise above is it? And not talk to your kids as if you dislike them?

OP posts:
SunshineAndSmile · 24/08/2017 17:18

No excuse for speaking like that to a small child although I have overheard lots of frustration from parents in the last few days - school holidays fatigue.

Jamylollypop88 · 24/08/2017 17:19

Popcorn
I don't think it's fair to say they are abusing the children!
I agree calling a child a cunt (hate that word sorry) is abuse no doubt about that, but like some pp have said some things could be heard out of context

GahBuggerit · 24/08/2017 17:19

Buggerlugs is fine isn't it? Confused does it have another meaning I don't know about?

Twat at 9 month old? meh, I flick the v's at my DC behind their back sometimes, doesn't seem much different to that, obvs I'd never do it to their face Grin

But yea pp, maybe stop calling the baby a twat when they are old enough to start parroting, I recall my DS shouting "oh shit mummy" when I stubbed my foot on a paving slab because I'd said that very same thing when I managed to smash my foot into the doorframe, right inbetween my big toe and the one next to it. Oh shit was quite mild tbh!

NikiBabe · 24/08/2017 17:21

I got called buggerlugs as a term of endearment Grin

potatoscowls · 24/08/2017 17:22

I remember this from my own childhood. "Go away, i'm off duty now". I'm not a duty, I'm a human being, thanks Sad

SandyBeachandtheDeckchairs · 24/08/2017 17:23

Yes jade I think you're right. The mum in my post obviously thought bitch was an ok word to use, but it's not a word I would use unless provoked.

Alicetherabbit · 24/08/2017 17:24

Yanbu, how difficult is it to say "haven't we had a lovely day today, after your bath tonight, go straight to bed so mummy can have a rest ready for more fun tomorrow?"
It amazes me that parents seem to think they can say or do whatever to a child like it's a possession rather than a person.

TheSolitaryBoojum · 24/08/2017 17:27

Some parents are vile, and I don't think taking out your frustrations on your children is acceptable, however shitty they are being. If all you can do is snarl, swear and threaten, then shut your mouth and remember you are the adult.
One day it will be as unacceptable as beating a child is now. I hope it's soon.

pictish · 24/08/2017 17:27

"anbu, how difficult is it to say "haven't we had a lovely day today, after your bath tonight, go straight to bed so mummy can have a rest ready for more fun tomorrow?" "

Jesus H. And I'm sure you're a paragon of even-tempered, wholesome parenting perfection 24 bloody 7 aren't you?

MrsDc7 · 24/08/2017 17:28

Picked her up by her ponytail?? Did I just read that right? I would have called the police I think, that's so awful Sad

TheSolitaryBoojum · 24/08/2017 17:31

I do remember a parent complaining to me that their child was swearing at home 'And yeah, I do sometimes say Get up them stairs you little shit...but you don't expect them to say it back to you, do you?'
Well yes, they will, and they will use that language in other situations as well, and that aggression. Stupid not to make that connection.

Forkrightorf · 24/08/2017 17:31

It's sad OP Sad the worst one I ever witnessed was a mum and 2-3 year old DD coming out of a bakery. The little girl had a sausage roll in a bag, bent over and the sausage roll slid out on to the floor. Her mum kicked the sausage roll into the Road angrily and bellowed at her DD "Why have you got to be so fucking stupid all the time? There's no tea for you tonight now you stupid little..." she looked up and saw me and stopped. I didn't really know what to do so I put on a cheery voice to the DD and said "oh dear, never mind! These things happen! I dropped my lunch today too!"
The mum chuckled but obviously thought I was a twat while her poor little tot stood with a wobbly lip looking at her empty paper bag. It broke my heart! I know it's stressful and she might've spent her last quid on that sausage roll but honestly it was horrid.
I am sharper with my DC than I expected I'd ever be but I've never called them a name or swore at the them that they can hear.

TheLegendOfBeans · 24/08/2017 17:33

As crazy logic as this sounds calling a child a twat before they've mastered how to speak makes me sadder than if they were of an age to parrot it back.

Different strokes for different folks but I have to watch my mouth all the time re swearing at home. My DH's pet name for me is Malcolm Tucker (what a xenophobe).

But I'd just never call my child a twat or a dick - even as "banter" - is just that bit too much. When I'd see DH after DD had been having a festival of screaming I'd describe her as being "the buggers' bugger all day".

Maybe "bugger" tips the balance for some but for me anything stronger leaks into the verbal bullying arena.

ForagingForFaerieGold · 24/08/2017 17:33

My XP leaned over the crib of our them 10mo DD when she was grizzly and said " Shut the fuck up you little bitch" . I left him 2 weeks later and it only took me that long because I had to find somewhere to go. It was the thin end of the wedge for me. No way was she growing up listening to that. You don't speak like that to your kids. You just don't!
Not that I never yelled at het. I did. But there's telling off and there's abuse. Not the same thing.

TheSolitaryBoojum · 24/08/2017 17:34

No, I'm not a paragon. I was a sweary child, who never lost a fight and had a huge capacity for rage. So I learned to channel it, especially away from vulnerable targets. Especially with people I loved.

Shopkinsdoll · 24/08/2017 17:37

I heard a lady call her child a fucing bast** in asda one day, I had to follow. I was Gob smacked

Queenofthedrivensnow · 24/08/2017 17:40

I think it's the line between saying you are cross because....and calling your kids names/saying you don't like them or want to be with them

I feel like a right cow the way I speak to the dds sometimes but reading this thread kind of clarifies what's acceptable and what isn't.

ForagingForFaerieGold · 24/08/2017 17:42

I was called buggerlugs as a child but I re- spelled it in my head as "bugalugs" not sure what my point is

Angelicinnocent · 24/08/2017 17:47

Can't believe that anyone could refer to their DC by some of these names, especially when they are little.

Yes I threaten to do all sorts to my DC but they are 18 and 15. They know I don't mean it and if I said I'm going slap you in a minute they laugh at me and say only if you can catch me or childline! Even now though I wouldn't refer to them as a year or a cunt. They are my DC!

Original poster
MistressPage · 24/08/2017 17:50

Alicetherabbit exactly! It's our job to be the grownup!

OP posts:
BeingATwatItsABingThing · 24/08/2017 17:58

I now want to run and give my DD a really big cuddle! Some of these stories have my heart aching.

To the PP who said about nearly knocking on the door when the neighbour was screaming and the child was hyperventilating: I would have called the police. I couldn't have walked away from that.

When I see parents emotionally abusing or threatening physical violence towards their child, I will follow them and keep an eye on that child for as long as I can. I don't know what I intend to do but I can't just leave it.

mydogmymate · 24/08/2017 18:00

There's a family across the road from me who constantly shout at their kids and calls them names - bitch, twat, cunt - usually on a school morning. If any of the other neighbours are about they give the mum sympathetic looks, obviously the same sort of people. But the dc are all dressed in the best clothes and the eldest (12) in a full face of makeup, so that makes it ok Angry

SandyBeachandtheDeckchairs · 24/08/2017 18:06

That mum probably pats herself on the back each night about how well her DC's are turned out. People have very different ideas about what makes a good parent don't they.

I feel like I might make a donation to the NSPCC after reading all of this.

Mintychoc1 · 24/08/2017 18:14

It seems a harsh thing to say to a 3 year old, but I have said similar to my 8 and 11 year olds on several occasions. It's when it's bed time and they're flatly refusing to go to bed/bath etc, after many kind pleas, increasing to frustrated, I then reach furious, and might say "I've had enough of parenting, I'm done with it, I need you to go to bed, I've got to have some adult time".

SleepingStandingUp · 24/08/2017 18:15

JadeT I personally wouldn't ever call anyone a twat but I get thatfor Pau and your DH its acceptable. HOWEVER calling your less than 1 year old a twat because you're angry she's cried for 9 hours is a totally different thing.

If you're still gettingthis angry at her then perhaps you need to speak to your hv. Babies cry. Toddlers cry. Small people cry. They don't necessarily get easier and swearing verbal abuse at them isn't the answer