To be horrified by the way some people talk to their kids

[MistressPage]

I know small children can be wearing. I know. But the way some people talk to their kids is so upsetting. At the farm and just passed a mother saying, very calmly and quite conversationally to her small daughter: "after your bath I don't want to see you for the rest of the day. I've had enough of your face today, ok?"
It chilled me to the bone. Such quiet contempt. That poor little girl. Why must people be so awful to their children
It's not that hard to be a grownup and remember to rise above is it? And not talk to your kids as if you dislike them?

Today in a car park I overheard a dad/grandad scream I mean absolutely scream in his dd/dgd face have you broken this? Have you broken this? If you've broken it I'm going to break you

That's so sad Chillyegg. My mum used to say "just wait till I tell xxxx" xxxx was my stepdad who used to whack us around the head. Seriously, who could threaten their kids like that.

My "D"GM used to regularly tell me she was going to crucify me. I don't remember ever taking it seriously.

you have to laugh don't you

Umm, no not really?

@TheLegendOfBeans I always heard it as "gubberlugs"!!! I've very affectionately called my two DC gubberlugs for the last 7 years any time they didn't listen. Guess I need to clean my own ears out

The way you speak to your children becomes their inner voice.

I saw that phrase around here somewhere and I try to remember it when I'm telling off DS.

I feel so sad for kids that get horrible things said to them like that.

I've called my daughter a twat or a dick before jokingly, mostly in conversation to others (mainly just my husband). She's 9 months old but sometimes she just is. When she gets older and understands speech I probably won't do it as much. The OP does sound quite sad though.

I can do that scary look, quiet serious tone with DC but calling a child a cunt is abuse!
I saw a mum pick up a two year old by her ponytail once because she was too tired to walk I was really upset!

Jade, you probably won't call your daughter a twat as often?

Can you really justify ever calling her a twat?

Its emotional abuse and believe me it does damage children. I know because i work with these young people.

I think tone is everything. I've said go away type things, but nicely, I hope...
I have said "no" in response to apparently innocuous requests (cut up a peach or something) not because it is an outrageous thing to be asked to do but because I JUST WANT TO STOP DOING THINGS FOR YOU NOW AND SIT DOWN WITH A BOOK FOR 20 MINUTES. AND I OFFERED YOU A PEACH WHEN I WAS UP AND DOING AND NOW I AM SITTING DOWN. I am quite blunt about this. It will go sometjhing like

"Can you get me a peach please mummy?"
"no sorry, not now, I'm sitting down now and I'm not doing any more things for you for the next 20 minutes"

Is that mean? It looks a bit like the OP. Am I a terrible mother?

Nope not a terrible mother children need to understand your assertiveness I'm very much the same

The worst I ever encountered was a Dad in a pub, refusing to get his young (preschool) daughter a dessert because "You'll get a fat tummy and need plastic surgery". I bet his wife rues the day she met him.

Honestly, we all say things we shouldn't have sometimes. I would think it pretty judgemental for a stranger to decide I speak to my stepchildren horribly because of one cross sentence they overheard in a supermarket or something.

AntiGrinch that's not the same as the OP at all. 😀

Nothing wrong with a stern look/raised eyebrows - teachers perfect them over years! The way you speak to your children becoming their inner voices is very sobering although if you are sweating at/calling your child names you probably don't care.

Parents forget the damage they can do to kids. As someone who suffered virbal abuse from a parent (being told I was useless and I would amount to nothing amongst other things) it still affects me 14yrs later! I can't claim I'm a perfect parent but it does make me think before I engage my trap door mouth!

the worst thing I say to either of mine is
"C'mere here to me you!' in a bit of a rough shout.
Overheard a woman in a pharmacy in texas tell her daughter she would punch her in the mouth soon as she caught her.
The child didn't seem phased but did kick her sibling on the way out..so not sure how the rest of her day went.
I mean, you wouldn't say it to another adult

There's no excuse for calling your kids names even on a bad day. Parents get frazzled all the time and snap/run out of patience/get exasperated/shout but name calling/swearing/threatening - come on Mumsnet why are we minimising emotional abuse?

Imperial no I can't really but when she's screamed in my face for like 8 hours I do have feelings of anger, shockingly enough. Becoming a mother didn't suddenly bestow me with endless amounts of patience unfortunately.

@LucyLugosi swearing at a child can be excused as a one off but the example OP used seemed like something the mum has said more than once and is emotional abuse.

My memories of an Irish child hood was the stream of invective at home which the nuns at school seemed happy to add to at the drop of a hat.
My husband says I am too soft with mine, which I am because it only takes a second for me to remember the humiliation that all these grown ups seemed so ready to drop on me.

AntiGrinch, no, I don't think that's mean. It's OK for them to learn that they have a mum, not a servant, and that if they time a request for when you've just sat down, they're going to have to wait a while. I salve my conscience by making sure DS has access to a few things he can safely get himself (banana, breadsticks) and if he wants a snack right now he has permission to grab those. If he's not too hungry to be picky, he's not too hungry to wait.

YANBU - people like her don't deserve children.

You don't know that mum. She might be the most loving mother in the world the rest of the time. It might just be her way, while there is nothing she wouldn't do for her. She might have had a day of it with her dd.

I don't think your heart needs to bleed over that one. Truly.