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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

WIBU to ask smoker in car park to move?

207 replies

TempusEejit · 21/08/2017 11:20

Late last night I had a burst water pipe but the emergency plumber can't get here till late this afternoon. I therefore went to the supermarket this morning to stock up on 2ltr bottles of water so I can wash my hands, flush the loo etc.

As I went back to my car there were two women having a chat by the boot of the car parked next to mine. As I got closer I saw that the woman closest to my car was smoking. By the time I'd opened my boot I realised the wind was blowing the smoke in my direction. As I started to unpack there was no indication that the women would be moving any time soon so I gave them an apologetic smile and said "so sorry, but would you mind standing over there (indicating towards the other side of their car) as I have bad asthma and am very sensitive to cigarette smoke?" plus I don't want my hair to fucking stink

She scowled, looked at her cigarette and said, "What, you can smell this thing?" I said yes I can. She said incredulously, "What, this?" I explained again that I have asthma and smoke can trigger it off, that I had to stand where I was standing to load my car and as I had a lot of heavy bottles it's taking me longer to unpack than usual (they weren't individually bagged up). The woman pointed at my car and growled "you'll be getting more fumes from that, pet" so I replied "maybe, but they don't trigger my asthma." After that the woman scowled again but she and her friend finally moved away whilst muttering under her breath.

I didn't think I was being funny with this woman but the way she reacted to me was like I was the rudest person on earth. If I'd have anticipated she'd stand around to argue I'd have just stood back and waited for them to leave - but then why should two of us have to wait around when one has to (to finish their cigarette) and the other doesn't? Btw I took a puff of my inhaler when I got in the car so all is well but I can still smell the smoke on my hair

Was I being unreasonable in asking the woman to move?

WIBU to ask smoker in car park to move?
OP posts:
Mittens1969 · 21/08/2017 12:37

I'm going along with the majority of posters and saying YABU, but I love the diagram!

I hate cigarette smoke too, but in reality you didn't have a leg to stand on. A lot of smokers would have moved if you'd mentioned asthma though.

Owl1011 · 21/08/2017 12:38

I dislike smoking so I would be tempted to agree with you OP. But it is a free world as most PP have said, so sadly we have to put up with things like this.

The drawing though is my favourite part of this post Grin

Dina1234 · 21/08/2017 12:38

No. She really shouldn't be smoking in public. Such an antisocial habit.

noeffingidea · 21/08/2017 12:41

If you had been there first then YANBU. But you weren't. You already knew they were smoking and could see which way the smoke was blowing, so it was up to you to decide if it was safe for you or not.
Same with the pregnant woman scenario on the previous page.

4691IrradiatedHaggis · 21/08/2017 12:44

I love your diagram! Smile
I absolutely cannot stand the smell of smoke, and hate standing next to people who are.
Come ON, though. From the looks of your diagram, she was smoking by her boot, next to and by the side of your car.
Perfectly within her rights to do so. It's not illegal to smoke outside in the UK and she's not the Wind Keeper and in control of its functions and which way it's blowing.

cardibach · 21/08/2017 12:45

Dina I've never smoked and I hate the smell but to say she shouldn't do it in public is unreasonable in itself. The OP has accepted she WBU and we've all accepted she had reasons for that unreasonableness.

PigletWasPoohsFriend · 21/08/2017 12:46

She really shouldn't be smoking in public.

Don't be ridiculous.

whatsthecomingoverthehill · 21/08/2017 12:47

So much depends on tone. I don't think it was unreasonable to ask her to move nicely. It's not a question of it being illegal, just unpleasant for the OP, and it's hardly a hardship for the smoker to move a couple of metres away, even if she's 'entitled' to smoke where she was.

user1499333856 · 21/08/2017 12:47

Get over yourself. Move your car and get on with your life. I think your behaviour was quite odd.

BitOutOfPractice · 21/08/2017 12:47

I was about to say YABU but I love your diagram so much and you're being so reasonable about it it's hard to be grumpy with you

LilaBard · 21/08/2017 12:50

YANBU cigarette smoke triggers my asthma too, and I'd rather breathe than worry if a couple of strangers think I'm rude

SoupDragon · 21/08/2017 12:51

I don't think you were unreasonable to ask. You asked politely, just asked them to move to the other side of the car and gave a reason.

Giraffey1 · 21/08/2017 12:53

Nice sketch, but yes, you were being absolutely unreasonable!

SoupDragon · 21/08/2017 12:54

Would it really have killed her to walk a few steps away from me?

Premature death clearly isn't something she's worried about anyway!

LoyaltyAndLobster · 21/08/2017 12:55

YABU - but it doesn't matter because that's a great picture you drew.

Sprinklestar · 21/08/2017 12:55

You were not being unreasonable at all. But then I'm a non-smoker. I also believe I have the right not to breathe in selfish smokers' fumes. Disgusting habit.

VodkaRevelation · 21/08/2017 12:56

The world would be far nicer if people just considered those around them. Asthma or not, the smoker could have just used her eyes to see a person was there and maybe thought to move her fag out if the line of wind. Far ruder to let your smoke blow at someone's head than to ask someone to politely stop blowing smoke towards your face.

HotelEuphoria · 21/08/2017 13:02

I want to know why you went to the supermarket with shoes that didn't match your outfit? clearly it's the done thing in your town as smoke lady 1 and smoke lady 2 both matched their shoes with their outfits.

Pigface1 · 21/08/2017 13:02

Another one who think YWBU but I'm not going to be mean about it because you seem nice and I love your diagram.

pasturesgreen · 21/08/2017 13:05

Fuck me, can't believe you thought you were being reasonable.

Saracen · 21/08/2017 13:09

I think it completely depends on how you asked, your tone of voice etc. If you were being as nice and non-confrontational as you describe then YANBU.

I am quite a rabid anti-smoker but I do feel sorry for smokers who are being pushed out and have no choice but to stand outside. They are already suffering from their addiction financially, medically and socially. If they are treated in a hostile way even when they are standing outdoors, it is likely to get their backs up.

In such a case I think you have to make it clear you are asking them to do you a favour by moving and that there are exceptional circumstances which make it impossible for you to tolerate their smoke or move away - asthma, in your case. Sounds like that is what you did.

TheLegendOfBeans · 21/08/2017 13:10

Ah, I dearly love a smoking AIBU.

Yes, you were BVU.

VVVVVVVU.

JessicaEccles · 21/08/2017 13:15

Aw, you seem very nice- and I too have suffered from the hair loss. Try caffeine shampoo- it really does work.

Owngoal · 21/08/2017 13:15

YWBU... to expect a smoker to listen to reason or sense when the very act is illogical offering no benefit. What clear thinking adult starts smoking?

99% smokers started smoking

  • at school age either following their friends like sheep or trying to look 'cool'
  • at school/uni again trying to gain social acceptance or a result of smoking weed and becoming addicted to the nicotine in said spliffs.
  • as a result of a traumatic event (i. e. family death) so weren't thinking clearly or couldn't and couldn't care less about their health.

So to expect a stranger to care about the impact on ur health when they couldn't give a rats ass about its effect on their own health is your mistake here.

13bastards · 21/08/2017 13:17

Top art skills.

You were BVU

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