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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

WIBU to ask smoker in car park to move?

207 replies

TempusEejit · 21/08/2017 11:20

Late last night I had a burst water pipe but the emergency plumber can't get here till late this afternoon. I therefore went to the supermarket this morning to stock up on 2ltr bottles of water so I can wash my hands, flush the loo etc.

As I went back to my car there were two women having a chat by the boot of the car parked next to mine. As I got closer I saw that the woman closest to my car was smoking. By the time I'd opened my boot I realised the wind was blowing the smoke in my direction. As I started to unpack there was no indication that the women would be moving any time soon so I gave them an apologetic smile and said "so sorry, but would you mind standing over there (indicating towards the other side of their car) as I have bad asthma and am very sensitive to cigarette smoke?" plus I don't want my hair to fucking stink

She scowled, looked at her cigarette and said, "What, you can smell this thing?" I said yes I can. She said incredulously, "What, this?" I explained again that I have asthma and smoke can trigger it off, that I had to stand where I was standing to load my car and as I had a lot of heavy bottles it's taking me longer to unpack than usual (they weren't individually bagged up). The woman pointed at my car and growled "you'll be getting more fumes from that, pet" so I replied "maybe, but they don't trigger my asthma." After that the woman scowled again but she and her friend finally moved away whilst muttering under her breath.

I didn't think I was being funny with this woman but the way she reacted to me was like I was the rudest person on earth. If I'd have anticipated she'd stand around to argue I'd have just stood back and waited for them to leave - but then why should two of us have to wait around when one has to (to finish their cigarette) and the other doesn't? Btw I took a puff of my inhaler when I got in the car so all is well but I can still smell the smoke on my hair

Was I being unreasonable in asking the woman to move?

WIBU to ask smoker in car park to move?
OP posts:
LuLuuuuuuu · 21/08/2017 12:00

FFS

She was there first , behind HER car, in the open air

Precious much OP !

NellieBuff · 21/08/2017 12:01

I love the diagram by the way.

Ceto · 21/08/2017 12:01

It's perfectly reasonable to ask politely, as you did. I really don't understand people who suggest otherwise. However, obviously you couldn't insist.

LuLuuuuuuu · 21/08/2017 12:01

Ewww way too much info re your . um , monthly !

CardinalCat · 21/08/2017 12:03

I loathe smoking and I think it is inherently hugely selfish, but you were completely unreasonable. You could have wandered past them when you saw she was smoking and waited for her to finish before going to your car, It wasn't compulsory for you to unload your shopping there and then and if your asthma is seriously that bad, I can't comprehend why you didn't just wait.

Original poster
TempusEejit · 21/08/2017 12:03

Btw just to explain "the hair" Grin

I have quite significant hair loss (I just posted about it recently!) so every time I wash my hair it involves an epic palaver of having to put various cover-up products on my scalp afterwards, which is messy, time consuming and is not in itself very good for it. Therefore having to wash my hair is a massive deal for me and I don't do it any more often than I have to, with lots of dry shampoo in between. As someone who used to wash my hair daily I hate having to do this and it makes me feel very self conscious. I'm really not precious about it - I've had the same lack of style for the last 20 years!

But I appreciate this is not the other lady's concern. Just wanted to clarify that I'm not some spoilt pwincess who doesn't want her flowing locks disturbed by the populace.

OP posts:
LS83 · 21/08/2017 12:03

No, YANBU! Smokers are ridiculously selfish and they stink. Just because they choose to partake in this disgusting 'habit', doesn't mean the rest of us should.

Tigerlovingall · 21/08/2017 12:04

Please miss, can I second faeriequeens nomination? That fab picture sets the bar high for any future diagrams on this site Star

Just.....is the scale right, op? That cigarette seems more churchillian big fat ceegar in size....

GhostsToMonsoon · 21/08/2017 12:05

I love the diagram.

I sympathise as I hate cigarette smoke, but I suppose she was outside in a public place where smoking is permitted.

Decaffstilltastesweird · 21/08/2017 12:06

tiger

Shock did you just QUESTION THE DIAGRAM? Shaaaaaaame!

(Sorry - I might love the diagram a little too much).

TheHiphopopotamus · 21/08/2017 12:08

Ah, OP. I sympathise about the water and hair loss and you've handled yourself with humour so far on the thread, but I still think YABU for all the reason everyone else has given.

Spectacular diagram though Star

FeelingAggrieved · 21/08/2017 12:13

One of the only ones who thinks YANBU it seems. You didn't ask her to stop, you asked her to move to the other side of her car because it exacerbates your asthma. Unless she drives a jet, that is hardly a big ask! FFS.

Tigerlovingall · 21/08/2017 12:14

Loldecaff I'm now thinking of the speech Churchill might have made, starting we shall smoke them on the beaches, we shall smoke them in Aldi's car park, we shall smoke them according to the law throughout our land...

Allthebestnamesareused · 21/08/2017 12:15

I don't think you were being unreasonable. It wouldn't have hurt her to move away for a couple of minutes while she chatted or to have got in her car.

You even explained about your asthma too.

I'd have probably asked her would she mind moving while I loaded the car without asthma. Why would I want to end up smelling of smoke and having my car smell of smoke.

ooodile · 21/08/2017 12:18

I don't think you were being unreasonable at all.

Fair enough, she was outside and it's legal blah de blah.

But! You only asked her to move. You were polite, you explained why. Is it really too much to ask of someone that they move a few metres round their car to avoid covering someone in the smoke from their cigarette (and expelled from their lungs?)

I thought most decent humans would be happy to oblige. You weren't asking her for her firstborn child, just to shuffle along a bit.

PigletWasPoohsFriend · 21/08/2017 12:20

YABU

LS83 aren't you a peach Hmm and quite goady for a new poster

SilverBirchTree · 21/08/2017 12:20

I'm an asthmatic. I hate cigarettes.

YABU

I like your drawing though

hedgebitch · 21/08/2017 12:21

If that amount of exposure would genuinely trigger your asthma then YANBU (I'm both asthmatic and an ex-smoker). I'd have moved for you when I smoked, if you asked me politely. She wasn't doing anything wrong by smoking where she was, but it wouldn't hurt her to accommodate your need either, she didn't need to be a dick about it.

I hate when people think you're making up medical issues. Saying you'll have more fumes off your car so she doesn't need to move is like assuming someone doesn't really have a wheat allergy and refusing to cook them something without it. You know your triggers, and why would you bother confronting strangers in car parks if you didn't need to?

redsquirrel2 · 21/08/2017 12:21

YANBU at all. Well done you, wish I had the guts to do the same. I hate the way that so many smokers are totally selfish and inflict their disgusting habit on others. One bad thing about the smoking ban - you get more of the idiots outside!

blackteasplease · 21/08/2017 12:23

I don't think you were unreasonable at all, because of your asthma. And you asked politely.

If it was just a dislike of smoke or if you asked rudely I'd have said yabu.

blackteasplease · 21/08/2017 12:25

Ps What does "a peach" actually mean?

It always feels a bit misogynistic to call women this sarcastically if it means you should be all soft and sweet like a peach.

LS83 · 21/08/2017 12:26

PigletWasPoohsFriend Thanks. Didn't realise I had to be fake nice until I've posted over 100 times.

WorraLiberty · 21/08/2017 12:31

It always makes me laugh how calling someone a peach is a 'compliment' but calling someone bananas is an insult Grin

RandomDent · 21/08/2017 12:32

Wonder if she'd have moved if you had waddled along being 9 months pregnant? :o

NicolasFlamel · 21/08/2017 12:33

I'm definitely a member of the annoying anti smoking brigade but you were being very precious.

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