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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

WIBU to ask smoker in car park to move?

207 replies

TempusEejit · 21/08/2017 11:20

Late last night I had a burst water pipe but the emergency plumber can't get here till late this afternoon. I therefore went to the supermarket this morning to stock up on 2ltr bottles of water so I can wash my hands, flush the loo etc.

As I went back to my car there were two women having a chat by the boot of the car parked next to mine. As I got closer I saw that the woman closest to my car was smoking. By the time I'd opened my boot I realised the wind was blowing the smoke in my direction. As I started to unpack there was no indication that the women would be moving any time soon so I gave them an apologetic smile and said "so sorry, but would you mind standing over there (indicating towards the other side of their car) as I have bad asthma and am very sensitive to cigarette smoke?" plus I don't want my hair to fucking stink

She scowled, looked at her cigarette and said, "What, you can smell this thing?" I said yes I can. She said incredulously, "What, this?" I explained again that I have asthma and smoke can trigger it off, that I had to stand where I was standing to load my car and as I had a lot of heavy bottles it's taking me longer to unpack than usual (they weren't individually bagged up). The woman pointed at my car and growled "you'll be getting more fumes from that, pet" so I replied "maybe, but they don't trigger my asthma." After that the woman scowled again but she and her friend finally moved away whilst muttering under her breath.

I didn't think I was being funny with this woman but the way she reacted to me was like I was the rudest person on earth. If I'd have anticipated she'd stand around to argue I'd have just stood back and waited for them to leave - but then why should two of us have to wait around when one has to (to finish their cigarette) and the other doesn't? Btw I took a puff of my inhaler when I got in the car so all is well but I can still smell the smoke on my hair

Was I being unreasonable in asking the woman to move?

WIBU to ask smoker in car park to move?
OP posts:
BastardGoDarkly · 21/08/2017 11:30

Yes, YWBU!? Just get on with your own shit, and stop expecting everyone in your orbit to conduct their lives to your optimum satisfaction.

RebekahGoggles · 21/08/2017 11:30

I completely understand your worries as my DC has CF and very sensitive to cigarette smoke. I am forever getting irritated by people at bus stops, outside the hospital, walking infront blowing smoke onto us etc. but unfortunatley it is just one of those things and you can't control what everyone else does. You could have sat in your car and waited if the smoke was bothering you or waited a few minutes. If I were in the same situation with my DC I would have just moved away and waited until they moved on!

LittleBirdBlues · 21/08/2017 11:31

I disagree with previous posters. Op has asthma and if I was smoking and somebody asked me politely to move because they have a medical condition then I would do so without growling, regardless of what the law says! It's the kind and normal thing to do.

I don't think YWBU, provided that you asked politely and explained your condition, which it sounds like you did.

I think you were just unlucky op. Most people would have just moved without trying to educate you about whether car fumes or cigarette smoke is worse for your asthma.

They were being rude.

Sirzy · 21/08/2017 11:31

Ds is a severe asthmatic triggered by smoke. I still wouldn't expect someone smoking outside to move to accommodate him!

RainbowPastel · 21/08/2017 11:31

I hate smokers but in this situation you were in the wrong.

SantasLittleMonkeyButler · 21/08/2017 11:32

Of course YWBU, but I love your diagram Grin.

Original poster
TempusEejit · 21/08/2017 11:32

How could I have moved my car when I had a trolley full of water bottles and other shopping?

The diagram isn't exactly to scale so in reality the woman was standing around 2 feet away from me. Like I said in my OP I thought she'd just say "yeah, ok" not stand around having a conversation with me. Would it really have killed her to walk a few steps away from me?

OP posts:
Tiptoethr0ughthetulips · 21/08/2017 11:33

I hate smoking, can't stand it but you were so unreasonable. She was in a carpark perfectly acceptable and legal to smoke there. You are rather entitled to think otherwise.

redcarbluecar · 21/08/2017 11:33

I love the picture.

Mum2OneTeen · 21/08/2017 11:34

Loving the diagram.

ZeroFuchsGiven · 21/08/2017 11:34

This is one of the most unreasonable and self entitled posts I've read in ages, Thanks op.

CockacidalManiac · 21/08/2017 11:34

I'd say YABU, but I love the picture.

FluffyPineapple · 21/08/2017 11:35

You were way over the top. If smoke affects your asthma that much and you couldnt possibly move your car you could have waited at a safe distance for the 4 minutes it takes to smoke a cigarette 🙄

WorraLiberty · 21/08/2017 11:36

I hate cigarette smoke but yes, you were being massively unreasonable.

And what's all this about your precious hair? Confused

Do you cover it in protective wrapping when walking down a fume filled high street?

BadLad · 21/08/2017 11:37

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Foreverhopeful22 · 21/08/2017 11:38

OP you asked if you were being unreasonable... majority are saying yes.

Take from that whatever you will, don't try and justify your circumstances!

Perfume gives me migraines instantly! Do I ask People to move because they are wearing it. No!!!

SeaCabbage · 21/08/2017 11:38

YANBU. I would have asked too. Nothing to do with asthma - it is disgusting having smoke waft all over you, outside or not. And you couldn't move, only she could.

Ledbury · 21/08/2017 11:39

How could I have moved my car when I had a trolley full of water bottles and other shopping?

You get into the car and drive to the next space, and then you get out and bring your trolley over?

Or, you open the boot, bung the stuff in and leave without spending 10 minutes tutting at a smoker.

Original poster
TempusEejit · 21/08/2017 11:40

I know people are entitled to smoke almost anywhere they like when they're outdoors, that's not the issue. Its just that where we were standing it was blowing directly into my face. It's not like I asked her to put the bloody thing out! I really didn't think that me simply making a polite request, not demanding, or tutting, or implied judgement, for something she could easily do was that unreasonable of me. However it would appear that I am!

flounces Grin

OP posts:
That1950sMum · 21/08/2017 11:41

Oh well done OP, you have stuck to the rules of AIBU.

You ask if you were being unreasonable, 99% of people reply that you were and you come back again and explain that actually you weren't. And you blame your diagram which is the only thing you've got any positive comments for!

Accept it. You were being a tit.

WorraLiberty · 21/08/2017 11:41

And you couldn't move, only she could.

The OP has said herself, she could have just stood back and waited for them to leave.

Cigarettes really don't take long to smoke, especially when it's breezy. I'd guess about 4 minutes maximum?

Thingywhatsit · 21/08/2017 11:42

Sorry guys - but I think you are all missing a big point in the ops post. She was buying huge amount of 2ltr bottles - individual ones. Why didn't you buy 5ltr ones? And why not multipack 2ltr ones?

You are not being entirely unreasonable asking them to move, but you are definitely being unreasonable about being so precious about your hair.

Being so precious about your hair in your op makes me wonder if you came across rather entitled?

WorraLiberty · 21/08/2017 11:44

And unless I'm missing something, if cigarette smoke is blowing in your face on the breeze, why didn't you just turn your back and continue loading your car? Confused

BakedBeans47 · 21/08/2017 11:44

Yes you were BU

I loathe smoking but she was doing it outside in an open space at her own car.

Sirzy · 21/08/2017 11:46

If she turned her back more would have landed on her hair though! Hmm