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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Bridesmaid dress AIBU?

225 replies

Pombearsandnaiceham · 18/08/2017 14:35

Hi everyone,

I may be told that I'm being ridiculous with this AIBU (and am prepared to be told this), but I'm getting a bit stressed out, so would like to find out your advice please.

I'm a bridesmaid for a close relative, and the wedding is coming up in a few weeks. The bride very kindly bought my dress for me, which I'm really grateful for.

The dress was originally quite long (and I'm really short), so DM very kindly offered to take it to get it shortened. I told the bride that I'd need to shorten the dress, which she was fine with. The only thing that the bride asked was that my heels don't show when I'm wearing the dress, as I'd planned to wear heels to give myself some height.

I tried the heels that I'd planned to wear with the dress when it was still unshortened (with my DM there with me), so that we'd know how much material to take off.

I've just tried on the shortened dress with lower heels than I'd planned to be wearing, and they do show quite a lot under the dress.

I'm now really nervous about what the bride will think and say. I feel a bit sick. There'll be someone there filming the whole day as well as a photographer, and the bride wants everything to be perfect.

What do you all think? Should I buy another dress? Or should I just get over myself?

OP posts:
TheMogget · 18/08/2017 21:22

How short is it? Does it just show your toes or is it above ankle...? Opt 1 is salvageable, opt 2 - you need a new dress

kali110 · 18/08/2017 21:27

How short? You may have to wear flats then if it's been cut.
You can't really add things to it.

honeyroar · 18/08/2017 21:38

I agree, it depends on how much shorter it is. If it's just an inch it's fine, especially if it doesn't show when you wear flats. If it's up at your ankle it's a problem..

Unless it's still an issue even in flats I wouldn't stress the bride about it (I think I read somewhere things were getting stressy) or she will fix on it and spend the run up cross with you. Chances are, on the day she won't notice. It would be worth looking out for another dress if it really isn't salvageable with flat shoes.

honeyroar · 18/08/2017 21:39

You definitely can't add to it.

peachgreen · 18/08/2017 23:14

Ooh well done @sizeofalentil - that is the same dress!

IHateUncleJamie · 18/08/2017 23:25

OP HOW LONG IS THE DRESS WHEN YOU WEAR FLAT SHOES WITH IT??

Sorry not sorry for shouting but about 100 pps have asked if the dress length is ok with flat shoes and you're not answering. Which is quite annoying when people are trying to help.

carjacker1985 · 18/08/2017 23:40

Clearly the bride meant "I still want the dress to be floor length" which it sounds like it isn't if you can now see your shoes completely. The "I forbid you to have your shoes on show" line is a red herring I think.

Either this bride is a nightmare, you have anxiety issues, or your mother is overbearing, because I can't see why you're feeling sick over this. I suspect it's two of these things.

The issue isn't whether the bride made a bizarre request, the issue is you and your mum have made a botch job of the alteration and now you're acting like the bride will rain down fire on you. That doesn't seem likely, but if she was miffed you can hardly blame her when you've done the one thing you agreed with her not to do.

As PP have said, I'd be telling my mum to buy me a new dress. Or I'd be speaking to the bride and seeing if she's okay. I wouldn't be stressing myself sick and asking the internet as neither of those things are going to resolve the situation.

Crumbs1 · 18/08/2017 23:50

To be honest absolutely nobody is going to be looking at the bridesmaids hems or shoes. Nobody but the bride and maybe her mother will even remember what the bride was wearing three months down the line.
It's not an easy dress to add length to and would end up looking awful.
Choices are wear flatter shoes. Wear heels and have them showing a little.
How much too short are we thinking? An inch isn't even going to be noticed. 4 inches then someone has messed up big time and needs to sort it out.

BonnieBeaumont · 19/08/2017 00:03

Size 16 is still available on the asos website...

RyvitaBrevis · 19/08/2017 00:03

Whatever you do, it's not worth feeling sick over! You probably shouldn't just brazen it out on the day in your highest heels, but whatever you decide to do, whether you wear flats, scour the web for another dress, or speak to the bride, this sort of thing will be water under the bridge after the wedding. And probably a few little things won't go exactly to plan on the day this is probably not the only one! and it will all be ok.

Original poster
Pombearsandnaiceham · 19/08/2017 00:07

Thanks everyone for your help. Sorry to have been all hysterical and crazy - I was feeling a bit nervous about it all today, and panicked.

IHate the dress is still floor-length if I wear flat shoes with it.

OP posts:
MyKingdomForBrie · 19/08/2017 00:22

Pom did you see the link to buy another - if it doesn't look right just do that- worth it not to feel uncomfortable

piggleypiggle · 19/08/2017 00:33

are you sure there's no leeway to let it down a bit? even if the material has been cut there may some extra to play with around the hem. I would take it back to the person who altered it and ask them if it's possible

surely it would be a bit risky to cut off all the material without the dress maker pinning it first then getting you to try it on

IHateUncleJamie · 19/08/2017 07:28

Right, good. So you have two choices - try and get a new dress then take it to be altered yourself (do NOT let your Mum know) -

Or wear flats.

onemorecakeplease · 19/08/2017 08:02

Wear pretty beaded sandals - flat

It will look lovely and you'll be really
Comfy all day!

raviolidreaming · 19/08/2017 08:20

Please just wear flats.

SouthWindsWesterly · 19/08/2017 08:27

Flats or check eBay.

And, in a nice way, start saying no to your mum.

Starlight2345 · 19/08/2017 08:32

Then wear flats... You will be the comfiest bridesmaid and have the most fun... No extra expense required.

NapQueen · 19/08/2017 08:36

Wear flats. Bung a pair of heels in the bag for the evening part.

Lucked · 19/08/2017 08:45

I would buy another but I could afford to do that.

Does anyone know if the Dressvilla website is legitimate?

SparklyMagpie · 19/08/2017 08:56

Well there you go then - wear flats

If you don't want to,then order the dress again off the link upthread

OP can i ask how old you are?

Kardashianlove · 19/08/2017 09:27

I think you'll have to wear flats. If it's on the floor with flats I think regardless of what the bride wants, it's going to look a bit odd with a heel as it won't be the right length (especially if you are short!)

It must have been miscalculated by quite a bit if you tried it on with heels yet it's floorlength with flats. Either that or the dressmaker messed up big time.

Sparkletastic · 19/08/2017 09:37

Lovely dress.
Wear flats.
Take some heels in case the photographer needs you to gain some height for certain photos Smile

Jedimum1 · 19/08/2017 09:53

At £25 for size 8, I would buy one now and see whether you can swap the whole "skirt" under the belt area. Adding fabric to the hem might not be possible but probably the sizing goes on the top part, the skirt looks very wide and floating-style, so it might not be tight. You might be able to cut new dress from the belt, and attach to old dress under the belt fabric. Just an option...
Or wear flats!

You probably wouldn't trip with floor length dress, you'd probably holding the skirt up a bit when going up/down stairs.

Start standing up to your mum, though. It's easier now with small decisions than later when it is about bringing up kids, parenting style, financial arrangements with DH (if you plan to have a kids and marry), how to deal with your boss, where to buy your house, etc.

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 19/08/2017 09:59

The "I feel sick" part is concerning me.

Good God its only a Wedding.
If someone had me at that point.
I'd be telling them where to stick their wedding.
And as pp said. She didn't kindly buy your dress. Its her wedding. Why should you have put out of pocket