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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Bridesmaid dress AIBU?

225 replies

Pombearsandnaiceham · 18/08/2017 14:35

Hi everyone,

I may be told that I'm being ridiculous with this AIBU (and am prepared to be told this), but I'm getting a bit stressed out, so would like to find out your advice please.

I'm a bridesmaid for a close relative, and the wedding is coming up in a few weeks. The bride very kindly bought my dress for me, which I'm really grateful for.

The dress was originally quite long (and I'm really short), so DM very kindly offered to take it to get it shortened. I told the bride that I'd need to shorten the dress, which she was fine with. The only thing that the bride asked was that my heels don't show when I'm wearing the dress, as I'd planned to wear heels to give myself some height.

I tried the heels that I'd planned to wear with the dress when it was still unshortened (with my DM there with me), so that we'd know how much material to take off.

I've just tried on the shortened dress with lower heels than I'd planned to be wearing, and they do show quite a lot under the dress.

I'm now really nervous about what the bride will think and say. I feel a bit sick. There'll be someone there filming the whole day as well as a photographer, and the bride wants everything to be perfect.

What do you all think? Should I buy another dress? Or should I just get over myself?

OP posts:
wheredoesallthetimego · 18/08/2017 15:27

Can't see that you'll be able to sew material onto a pleated dress like that I don't think

Ontheboardwalk · 18/08/2017 15:28

Another one for going with lower heels if you can. I reckon the pictures might look odd if all the other gowns are to the floor and yours is flapping round your shoes.

MrsMoastyToasty · 18/08/2017 15:28

Umm. ..aren't your shoes going to show the moment you start walking anyway, regardless of the length?

IHateUncleJamie · 18/08/2017 15:29

How could you have prevented the situation? Did you shorten the dress too much? Who shortened it?

Could you wear lower heels?

If the Bride doesn't want you to wear heels that show, and your only other option is flats which will make you smaller than all the other bridesmaids, then Bridezilla will have to suck it up, won't she? What are you supposed to do - have traction?

Original poster
Pombearsandnaiceham · 18/08/2017 15:30

where I see where you are coming from but I don't think I can do that. The bride and my DM would both be very upset. And I can't really drop my DM in it - it's not fair. I get treated a bit like a child, but that's for another thread.

I'll piss a lot of people off if I tell the bride about this. This whole wedding has stressed a lot of people out.

OP posts:
Veterinari · 18/08/2017 15:30

Honestly don't mess about adding stuff to it you'll make it worse and it'll cost you the same as replacing the dress - just get another!

MistressClaireBeauchamp · 18/08/2017 15:30

Ah, developments while I was typing.
Dress out of stock and no way to make double hem due to the pleats.
Whatever was your Mum thinking to let anyone cut it without making sure that it wasn'tgoing to be too short?!
I think you're going to have to go barefoot and suck up the fact that you are short!

IHateUncleJamie · 18/08/2017 15:31

Oh, x post. Unless you're under 18, your Mum is a bit out of order. What does it look like with flats on?

LockedOutOfMN · 18/08/2017 15:31

HoneyWheeler
Text the bride and let her know, ask her what she wants you to do - she either won't really care or will want you to wear flats.
As PP has said, it's not going to ruin her wedding day, but if you're worried she'll be cross a text wouldn't go amiss.
I agree. You need to let the bride know now so there's time to find a solution, if one is required.

Veterinari · 18/08/2017 15:32

Sorry just saw it's out of stock Sad

Ontheboardwalk · 18/08/2017 15:32

Have you tried eBay and other sites for the dress?

happystory · 18/08/2017 15:32

I don't see how you could add something to the bottom of that dress

TobleroneBoo · 18/08/2017 15:33

Lots of other places sell TFNC dresses I think, if you did want to replace it

MistressClaireBeauchamp · 18/08/2017 15:37

Sorry OP, when I suggested adding something to the bottom I hadn't seen it was pleated.
The only thing which might work is a waist slip, with a length of the cut off pleated material sewed on to it to the required length. Use the whole depth of what was cut off to allow for movement and make the top 90% of the waist slip out of other lightweight material.

tinytemper66 · 18/08/2017 15:38

If you want to wear heels, wear heels! Why do people have to tip toe around brides! Not your error so tough on Bridey if she don`t like it.

HeebieJeebies456 · 18/08/2017 15:39

I tried the heels that I'd planned to wear with the dress when it was still unshortened (with my DM there with me), so that we'd know how much material to take off

So how many inches did you calculate it needed shortening by?
Is this the measurement that was given to the dressmaker?

I feel that it was out of my control. My DM took the dress and got it done
Well you're still in control of the situation Hmm
Call the dressmaker and ask what measurements she was given

Either you calculated it incorrectly - which i doubt seeing as you had high heels on at the time
Or your mum has deliberately changed the measurement because she's 'worried'.
Why weren't either of you 'worried' about wearing and walking round in the high heels though?

So either your mum or the dressmaker are responsible for this and should pay for the replacement

The bride didn't buy you a dress so you could alter it's style/effect.
Have you told the bride yet?

Lou898 · 18/08/2017 15:39

It'll only matter if there is more than 2 bridesmaids and theirs are all one length and yours stands out as being different. I can't understand why it would be so drastically short if you have tried it on with lower shoes than the ones you had already intended and it's still short. That would mean it had been shortened way too much.

Penelopeg · 18/08/2017 15:41

You don't need to be grateful the bride buying you a bridesmaid dress - it's her wedding who else would pay for a dress I'm assuming she chose?

Anyway- wear the shoes, it'll be fine.

diddl · 18/08/2017 15:42

That is gorgeous!

As a pp has said-for £25 could you get another?

If not, could the material be put back at the waist?

Penelopeg · 18/08/2017 15:42

What do the shoes look like OP?

rainbowunicorn · 18/08/2017 15:43

Sorry OP but are you 12?
You have allowed your Mum to take over the alteration of the dress which by the sound of it will look silly beside the other bridesmaids for pictures. The bride is perfectly entitled to be a bit miffed about this. You really need to come clean and tell her now, you also need to get your mother to keep out of things unless you actually are a child.

HeebieJeebies456 · 18/08/2017 15:45

perhaps you need to act like an adult and have this conversation with your mum?
You get treated like a child because you allow them to infantilise you.
Your mum may be upset but if she's responsible then at least she has the chance to fix it without the bride finding out

I'd be more concerned about how the bride feels right now

Shodan · 18/08/2017 15:46

How much too short is it?

If your sewing skills are up to it, it's possible you could do as diddl suggests and add length at the waistband ( covering it up with the sash bit).

Another option might be to match the colour of the dress in something like a chiffon and make an underskirt. It will look different to the other bridesmaids but the shoes won't show.

Allthebestnamesareused · 18/08/2017 15:46

Just wear lower shoes or flats that don't show. I am 5 ft as well. If the other bridesmaids are tall it really isn't going to make much difference whether you are 5'2 or 5'4 in the shoes in the pics.

Original poster
Pombearsandnaiceham · 18/08/2017 15:47

My DM is a bit overbearing and overprotective. She had good intentions but it didn't work out. I'm not really sure how to rectify the situation.

OP posts: