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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Bridesmaid dress AIBU?

225 replies

Pombearsandnaiceham · 18/08/2017 14:35

Hi everyone,

I may be told that I'm being ridiculous with this AIBU (and am prepared to be told this), but I'm getting a bit stressed out, so would like to find out your advice please.

I'm a bridesmaid for a close relative, and the wedding is coming up in a few weeks. The bride very kindly bought my dress for me, which I'm really grateful for.

The dress was originally quite long (and I'm really short), so DM very kindly offered to take it to get it shortened. I told the bride that I'd need to shorten the dress, which she was fine with. The only thing that the bride asked was that my heels don't show when I'm wearing the dress, as I'd planned to wear heels to give myself some height.

I tried the heels that I'd planned to wear with the dress when it was still unshortened (with my DM there with me), so that we'd know how much material to take off.

I've just tried on the shortened dress with lower heels than I'd planned to be wearing, and they do show quite a lot under the dress.

I'm now really nervous about what the bride will think and say. I feel a bit sick. There'll be someone there filming the whole day as well as a photographer, and the bride wants everything to be perfect.

What do you all think? Should I buy another dress? Or should I just get over myself?

OP posts:
Original poster
Pombearsandnaiceham · 18/08/2017 15:07

The dress has been cut rather than hemmed to shorten it, so I don't think it could be taken out to lengthen it.

I probably should wear flats, but all of the other bridesmaids are really tall and I'm really short (5 foot). Might annoy the bride?

OP posts:
NoodleNinja · 18/08/2017 15:12

To be honest, I can see why the bride wants the dress to be covering shoes. Long dresses can look awful when shoes are showing so I would also prefer the dress to be long enough to cover.

You really only have 2 options: Wear the dress with the flats or ask the bride if she thinks the dress is too short for the heels (send a pic taken by someone else) and let her decide.

I would be a little annoyed to be honest if I was the bride. That's just me being truthful, if I had asked you to make sure the adjustment wouldn't have shoes on show and then you showed up with your shoes visible then I would think you didn't care what I had asked. I would go with flats.

NoodleNinja · 18/08/2017 15:13

Can you get someone to take a pic of your feet with the dress and heels on and show us? It might not be as bad as you think.

diddl · 18/08/2017 15:16

Sounds as if it has been done too short.

Shoes aren't really supposed to show much are they?

As a fellow shortie I feel your pain-I & I'd be wearing the heelsGrin

Is it that the others will be in flats or flatter shoes & she didn't want it too obvious?

Is it just a straight hem so that the material can't be put back?

No frill/lace?

Could you put a pic up?

Original poster
Pombearsandnaiceham · 18/08/2017 15:18

I'm more than happy to take a photo of my feet with the dress and heels. I haven't got the heels with me, as I'm away at the moment, but will have the heels and dress tomorrow, and can take a photo then. I feel so stupid (stupid moment of self-pity). I definitely could have prevented this situation.

OP posts:
Original poster
Pombearsandnaiceham · 18/08/2017 15:20

This is sooo outing, but I'm sort of past caring - this is the dress.

OP posts:
Veterinari · 18/08/2017 15:21

So it's been cut and hemmed too high?
I think it will prob look a bit silly tbh.

Can the hem be let out at all or has it been completely botched?
I wouldn't blame the bride for being a bit pissed off that you've disregarded the one thing she asked for but can you post a photo of the hem with shoes on so we can judge whether you might just be being overly anxious?

Veterinari · 18/08/2017 15:22

Crosspost - the dress is 25 quid - buy another

sparklewater · 18/08/2017 15:22

That's so pretty! It'll look awful with the shoes showing though. When you are barefoot in it where does it come to?

Goingtobeawesome · 18/08/2017 15:23

Why not wear the original shoes? Bit daft to change the shoes then have this worry.

Original poster
Pombearsandnaiceham · 18/08/2017 15:23

Vet I see what you mean but I haven't disregarded it. I feel that it was out of my control. My DM took the dress and got it done.

OP posts:
HotelEuphoria · 18/08/2017 15:23

Like everyone else has said, the obvious answer is lower heels.

wheredoesallthetimego · 18/08/2017 15:23

It's only £25. I'd buy another one.

Original poster
Pombearsandnaiceham · 18/08/2017 15:23

Vet it's out of stock now

OP posts:
kali110 · 18/08/2017 15:23

Why has it been cut so much?

Original poster
Pombearsandnaiceham · 18/08/2017 15:24

Going the original shoes are the high ones that may show.

OP posts:
Original poster
Pombearsandnaiceham · 18/08/2017 15:24

kali because I'm so short. My DM was worrie about me tripping.

OP posts:
happystory · 18/08/2017 15:24

I can sort of see what the bride means - if the other bridesmaids dresses are all skimming the floor and one isn't..

Original poster
Pombearsandnaiceham · 18/08/2017 15:25

*worried. We're a family of worriers 🙄

OP posts:
HoneyWheeler · 18/08/2017 15:25

Text the bride and let her know, ask her what she wants you to do - she either won't really care or will want you to wear flats.

As PP has said, it's not going to ruin her wedding day, but if you're worried she'll be cross a text wouldn't go amiss.

MistressClaireBeauchamp · 18/08/2017 15:25

So who made the mistake and cut off too much material? Did you try the dress on with the high heels so the dressmaker they could pin it correctly? Were you a paying customer or did an amateur dressmaker do it for you as a favour?
Can additional length be made with a frill or double hem feature, a false petticoat or something? (Google and Pinterest have lots of ideas). Whether it is your responsibility or that of the dressmaker depends on the answers to my initial questions. It may cost a certain amount, but would be cheaper than buying a new dress.

Original poster
Pombearsandnaiceham · 18/08/2017 15:25

i just wonder if I could get material added onto it? Or is it absolutely impossible?

OP posts:
Goingtobeawesome · 18/08/2017 15:26

You had it measured with one lot of shoes. The dress was altered. You now want to wear different shoes so of course the look will change Confused.

wheredoesallthetimego · 18/08/2017 15:27

kali because I'm so short. My DM was worrie about me tripping.

so basically your Mum deliberately did it too short against instructions? I'd ring the bride, tell her what has happened and how angry you are with your mum, apologise, tell her you are trying to get hold of another one and offer to drop out as BM if you can't.

Original poster
Pombearsandnaiceham · 18/08/2017 15:27

Mistress my DM took it to a dressmaker without me being there. I think adding something onto the bottom of the dress would be a really good idea. Does anyone think it can be done?

OP posts: