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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Bridesmaid dress AIBU?

225 replies

Pombearsandnaiceham · 18/08/2017 14:35

Hi everyone,

I may be told that I'm being ridiculous with this AIBU (and am prepared to be told this), but I'm getting a bit stressed out, so would like to find out your advice please.

I'm a bridesmaid for a close relative, and the wedding is coming up in a few weeks. The bride very kindly bought my dress for me, which I'm really grateful for.

The dress was originally quite long (and I'm really short), so DM very kindly offered to take it to get it shortened. I told the bride that I'd need to shorten the dress, which she was fine with. The only thing that the bride asked was that my heels don't show when I'm wearing the dress, as I'd planned to wear heels to give myself some height.

I tried the heels that I'd planned to wear with the dress when it was still unshortened (with my DM there with me), so that we'd know how much material to take off.

I've just tried on the shortened dress with lower heels than I'd planned to be wearing, and they do show quite a lot under the dress.

I'm now really nervous about what the bride will think and say. I feel a bit sick. There'll be someone there filming the whole day as well as a photographer, and the bride wants everything to be perfect.

What do you all think? Should I buy another dress? Or should I just get over myself?

OP posts:
TestingTestingWonTooFree · 18/08/2017 17:02

Wear the flats. Be comfortable.

Ginlovinglady · 18/08/2017 17:03

eBay
I just saw one on there. If you need to replace

specialsubject · 18/08/2017 17:13

read thread and still don't understand why shoes mustn't show. Are you expected to be on casters?

Witsender · 18/08/2017 17:15

Wear the flats.

TumbleBee · 18/08/2017 17:21

specialsubject they're Dalek bridesmaids. It's a thing.

MrsTerryPratchett · 18/08/2017 17:23

Is there definite no hem at all? That seems very odd! No folded material at the back of the bottom of the dress for clarity?

Could you take a picture of the inside and outside of the bottom of the dress for us?

Ginlovinglady · 18/08/2017 17:23

To be fair that kind of dress wouldn't look great ankle length. It's not Laura Ashley 1975!
Calf or ankle length dresses are in no way a good look unless your my nan...

TheCraicDealer · 18/08/2017 17:26

When was the last time you were at or saw pics from a formal do and saw a woman under the age of 50 wearing a ankle length dress?

Also my school skirt was grey pleated ankle length and I was glad to leave that look behind me.

Skarossinkplunger · 18/08/2017 17:29

I'm sorry op but you've messed up here. I appreciate that your mum had the dress shoertened but why did you allow it to happen? How on earth did you think a dress was going to be altered to the right length without you being there? You need to tell her.

Original poster
Pombearsandnaiceham · 18/08/2017 17:33

Skaross I really don't think there's anything I could have done. She visited me a few weeks ago and took the dress with her.

OP posts:
LIZS · 18/08/2017 17:34

You can't easily hem a pleated dress, I'm guessing it is cut and overlocked. You need to send bride a pic (assume she knew it would need shortening) with different height shoes, to compare to others.

Original poster
Pombearsandnaiceham · 18/08/2017 17:35

My DM thinks the bride is being unreasonable, and she's just telling me to relax and to forget about it. It makes sense, but it's not really appropriate for this situation. I'm going to look like an absolute idiot.

OP posts:
WhatchaMaCalllit · 18/08/2017 17:40

OP - How old are you? You let your mother take your BM dress away to be altered and cut (not re-hemmed) and you say "I don't think there's anything I could have done"???
How about "Sorry mum, I'm not comfortable with you taking the dress away with you to be altered so I'll find a dress maker/alterations place nearby who can do it for me and measure me in the dress"???
That would have worked.
As the dress has been cut now and is clearly significantly shorter than when originally worn to try out the length, I think you have no option but to tell the bride the situation. If she is stressed out already about other things to do with her wedding, do not be surprised if this is the thing that sets her off.

You should never have let your mother take your BM dress away to be altered if you weren't going to be there in the alterations place to be measured in it.

TheCraicDealer · 18/08/2017 17:41

No OP, you won't. Get nice flats. It's one thing the bride complaining about being able to see your shoes, another to insist you wear heels to match the others. It'll be ok, try not to stress about it Flowers

MadamePomfrey · 18/08/2017 17:46

your mum is wrong! you have both made an error her in getting the dressed cut with out you there you in not stopping her. You need to tell the bride see what she says.

Tiptoethr0ughthetulips · 18/08/2017 17:46

Tbf there's absolutely everything you could have done, the dress was your responsibility you should not have let anyone take it away and alter it without you present...surely you can see you were in the wrong.

I'd try it with flats or as others have suggested scour the Internet for another.

Don't worry about your height in comparison to other bridesmaids, I'm sure the bride has chosen you all because you're close to her not your measurements.

famousfour · 18/08/2017 17:49

If you can't replace it (assuming £25 is not going to break the bank) wear flats. I think that dress is designed to go to the floor and would look strange lurking about your ankles. But if it's a question of a toe peeping out than wear the heels. Just depends how it looks really.

raviolidreaming · 18/08/2017 17:51

My DM thinks the bride is being unreasonable, and she's just telling me to relax and to forget about it. It makes sense, but it's not really appropriate for this situation

Either you mum dislikes you or the bride or both. It's not her call to just relax and forget about it. Talk to the bride - or just wear flats. It wasn't unreasonable of her to ask that shoes aren't visible when the dresses facilitated that easily for you. Even if she didn't notice visible shoes on the day she would notice afterwards in the photos. You don't have to agree with or understand her feelings but, if you're close enough to be bridesmaid, you should respect them.

diddl · 18/08/2017 17:51

I do find it odd that the bride said something.

It's a if she knew that it would be taken up wrongly!

With a long dress, isn't only the toe of the shoe supposed to show as you walk?

Tour · 18/08/2017 17:56

I think we need to see the hem and the shoes before we can advise.

peekyboo · 18/08/2017 17:59

If your mother is overbearing you'll be used to doing as you're told and not thinking that she might be wrong - that's probably why you think there was nothing you could do when she took the dress.

Unfortunately your mother is too controlling and so a situation like this was bound to happen sooner or later.

Your immediate problem is the dress, your bigger problem is gaining control of your own life, preferably before it's your turn to be a bride!

mermaidbutmytailfelloff · 18/08/2017 18:03

If it is the kind of material I think it is you might be able to iron it and stretch it. Worth a try maybe? Cool iron and gently stretch as it warms.

Cupoteap · 18/08/2017 18:11

You need an independent opinion - is there anyone who knows the bride that you could trust?

lougle · 18/08/2017 18:13

mermaid I think the OP could end up ironing the pleats out if she's not careful.

I feel for you, but you really have to tell the bride, I think.

diddl · 18/08/2017 18:15

"still don't understand why shoes mustn't show. "

I know.

If you are expected to walk, is floorlength ever an option?

Perhaps they are supposed to slide?

Perhaps the bride just meant to keep it long?

Really though, if Op's mum has deliberately done it in case Op trips-that really is bizarre!