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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Bridesmaid dress AIBU?

225 replies

Pombearsandnaiceham · 18/08/2017 14:35

Hi everyone,

I may be told that I'm being ridiculous with this AIBU (and am prepared to be told this), but I'm getting a bit stressed out, so would like to find out your advice please.

I'm a bridesmaid for a close relative, and the wedding is coming up in a few weeks. The bride very kindly bought my dress for me, which I'm really grateful for.

The dress was originally quite long (and I'm really short), so DM very kindly offered to take it to get it shortened. I told the bride that I'd need to shorten the dress, which she was fine with. The only thing that the bride asked was that my heels don't show when I'm wearing the dress, as I'd planned to wear heels to give myself some height.

I tried the heels that I'd planned to wear with the dress when it was still unshortened (with my DM there with me), so that we'd know how much material to take off.

I've just tried on the shortened dress with lower heels than I'd planned to be wearing, and they do show quite a lot under the dress.

I'm now really nervous about what the bride will think and say. I feel a bit sick. There'll be someone there filming the whole day as well as a photographer, and the bride wants everything to be perfect.

What do you all think? Should I buy another dress? Or should I just get over myself?

OP posts:
LIZS · 18/08/2017 18:16

In the link you see toe and heel as model walks, but floor length when stood.

raviolidreaming · 18/08/2017 18:28

Surely the bride just means floor length rather than ankle length, because ankle length would look shit. I don't understand all the mock confusion.

vikingprincess81 · 18/08/2017 18:32

Your mum says you should relax and forget about it? Just like she said she'd sort your dress by taking it to a seamstress and getting it hemmed?
Didn't work out so well did it?
I'm not being a bitch, I'm just making a point.
Anyway, OP. I'm tall, like almost 6' so I fully sympathise with being the odd one out height wise yes I'm in the back row of all my school pics and having dresses and trousers flap round my ankles before mainstream shops did tall ranges.
Don't forget about it - that's terrible advice. Weddings don't really matter that much imho but let's not catastrophise - you can wear flats and problem solved. The bride (if she's your friend) won't give a shiny shite if you're short - presumably she already knows this? In my dh's family the women are teeny tiny. I'm not. Our pics are great. You can tell who's related to who, but they're pics of people I love on a special day. My long winded way of saying - Just wear the flats Grin

Doobigetta · 18/08/2017 18:42

The bride bought you a floor-length dress, because that's what she wanted you to wear. She won't care if you are an extra two inches shorter than the other bridesmaids, it won't make any difference. She will care if the dress isn't floor length, she has already told you that. You're going to have to wear flat shoes, and if that makes you feel silly, it will remind you not to let your mum make decisions for you. Sorry to be harsh.

Original poster
Pombearsandnaiceham · 18/08/2017 18:46

If your mother is overbearing you'll be used to doing as you're told and not thinking that she might be wrong - that's probably why you think there was nothing you could do when she took the dress.

Exactly peekaboo - you're absolutely right.

OP posts:
sizeofalentil · 18/08/2017 18:48

Is this the same dress?

www.thedressvilla.com/products/TFNC-WEDDING-Pleated-Wrap-Maxi-Dress.html

Not sure why everyone is being so mean about the bride and calling her a Bridezilla. All she asked was that the long dress wasn't cut short. Also, she doesn't even know this has happened yet so hasn't done anything wrong.

LavenderDoll · 18/08/2017 18:50

You need to wear flats or source a new one and buy it.

sizeofalentil · 18/08/2017 18:51

Can you wear flats for the photos and ceremony and take heels for the evening?

I'm not even joking here… A good wedding photographer can photoshop you a bit taller, if it's that much of an issue Grin

milliemolliemou · 18/08/2017 18:52

OP - have you told the bride?

For once I don't think it's bridezilla (yet). I was a bridesmaid - one of two - centuries ago. My mother (clever at making clothes) measured me correctly so the seamstress got my dress made perfectly to the pattern the bride had chosen, floor sweeping with the size heel I was happy with. Her other bridesmaid had a numpty measuring hers so her dress cleared the floor by 4 inches and didn't really fit. In the end of the day it didn''t really matter and there weren't so many photographs taken as there are now - so the bride went for the one with us from waist up.

MidnightSheep · 18/08/2017 18:56

Ho.

MidnightSheep · 18/08/2017 18:58

I have no idea how/why the previous post appeared from.......sorry......have some bridesmaid flowers Flowers

jelliebelly · 18/08/2017 19:07

Buy a new one from the website linked above then go to a dressmaker yourself with heels and get it taken up properly.

I'm the least bridezilla like person around but even I think the photos would look rubbish (and you'd look odd) in a too short dress

meltingmarshmallows · 18/08/2017 19:13

I got my bridesmaids dresses from the same brand and they were constantly sold out but do regular restocks. I'm sure buying a new one isn't ideal but just so you know, don't panic they do come back in stock!

I would wear flats or something so the dress hangs correctly. Getting the dress taken up wrong may annoy the bride but surely not wearing heels can't? What if you had a bad back? Hope you find a solution.

lalalalyra · 18/08/2017 19:13

You'll just need to wear flats. It's not ideal, and as a fellow short arse (5' 1) I sympathise.

The only person you should feel annoyed with is your mum. She had no right to take the dress and have it altered in a different length you specified.

The bride has done nothing wrong in this Scenario.

happypoobum · 18/08/2017 19:16

Is your DM openly or secretly hostile to the bride? I can't think of any other reason to do this.

However this pans out OP, can I make a gentle suggestion? Can you look on this as a tipping point beyond which you assert yourself when your DM is bullying you and manipulating you? You are an adult and you do not have to do what she tells you.

You can say no. She will react badly but don't you think it's time you stood up to her?

Starlight2345 · 18/08/2017 19:17

The whole thread seems a bit drama ish..How short is the dress?

You have to make a choice

To tell bride or not.

Then if not decide whether to wear flats to honour brides wishes or show your ankles.

I don't think the bride is been bridezilla ..She made a request about length.. She knows nothing of everything else going on.

AdalindSchade · 18/08/2017 19:28

Wear flats. The bride told you to wear flats. No biggie.

monkeywithacowface · 18/08/2017 19:35

Oh dear I do on the one hand feel sorry for you OP and in the grand scheme of things it isn't a huge deal. BUT I have to say your posts are infuriating to read! It is very clear your mum dominates you and you do come across as quite immature in your posts and incapable of finding a solution. The obvious solution is to just wear flats but you seem to be having a bit of a child like pout of "Don't wanna, I'm too short, I'll look silly"

Wear the flats and don't bother the bride with it, I suspect she won't care much in the grand scheme of things but will inwardly role her eyes that you have let your mum interfere do this. Then reflect on your relationship with your mother and how it is affecting you as a grown woman.

WhirlingTurkey · 18/08/2017 19:46

There are plenty of options here OP, the most obvious being to just wear flats! You can get lots of pretty flat sandals, maybe with a tiny heel if the length can accommodate it. You still haven't accurately described how short this dress actually is either... Hmm

specialsubject · 18/08/2017 19:50

The whole thing sounds like it should be exterminated....

The person who should be most frightened is the groom.

namechangedforthisreply · 18/08/2017 19:51

Your Mum is a muppet! You don't take this to a tailor without the wearer taking it & taking the footwear so it's pinned Hmm

LagunaBubbles · 18/08/2017 19:52

Why didn't you wear it when it was taken up? Overbearing Mum or not that's just common sense! Of course you are going to have to tell the bride because she will soon notice on the day!

Kardashianlove · 18/08/2017 19:53

You are saying you don't think that there is anything you could have done but you should have taken the dress yourself to get altered.

The dressmaker would have got you to try it on with the shoes on and made sure it was correct. This would have been the most sensible thing to do-no way would I risk getting a bridesmaid dress altered without actullly being there for the dressmaker to measure.

I'm guessing you/your mum have measured incorrectly. The measurements must be quite far out if it's still too short with lower heels so you must have really messed up the measurements or the dressmaker has taken far more off than you asked? How far is it from the ground, a cm or a couple of inches?

You said the bride said this is the only thing she asked for was to be floorlength so she's possibly not being too bridezilla if she's not asked for anything else. She might be fine though, you won't know until you speak to her.

Before the alterations, was the dress touching the floor with your heels on or trailing down?

UnicornSparkles1 · 18/08/2017 20:10

Tell the bride.

Sisinisawa · 18/08/2017 20:37

The link above is the same dress. Buy a new one. Have it altered properly. Job done.

Then learn from this and assert yourself with your mother.

Sort it out and don't bother the bride. You can order the dress tonight and have it altered properly within the week.