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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Bridesmaid dress AIBU?

225 replies

Pombearsandnaiceham · 18/08/2017 14:35

Hi everyone,

I may be told that I'm being ridiculous with this AIBU (and am prepared to be told this), but I'm getting a bit stressed out, so would like to find out your advice please.

I'm a bridesmaid for a close relative, and the wedding is coming up in a few weeks. The bride very kindly bought my dress for me, which I'm really grateful for.

The dress was originally quite long (and I'm really short), so DM very kindly offered to take it to get it shortened. I told the bride that I'd need to shorten the dress, which she was fine with. The only thing that the bride asked was that my heels don't show when I'm wearing the dress, as I'd planned to wear heels to give myself some height.

I tried the heels that I'd planned to wear with the dress when it was still unshortened (with my DM there with me), so that we'd know how much material to take off.

I've just tried on the shortened dress with lower heels than I'd planned to be wearing, and they do show quite a lot under the dress.

I'm now really nervous about what the bride will think and say. I feel a bit sick. There'll be someone there filming the whole day as well as a photographer, and the bride wants everything to be perfect.

What do you all think? Should I buy another dress? Or should I just get over myself?

OP posts:
NoodleNinja · 18/08/2017 16:08

I've also looked ebay and can't see the exact same one, lots of similar dresses. Great range though, perfect for weddings not the point of the thread, I know

Take a pic of the dress with flats and another with the heels, send both to bride and tell her you're having a major anxiety attack as the dressmaker cut it too short and you are freaking out about what to do and don't want to spoil her big day by getting it wrong. If she still has the hump when you tell her how stressed you are then she is a bit of a dick. Hopefully she will like one or the other and crisis averted.

allertse · 18/08/2017 16:09

Just tell the bride that unfortunately the shop took it up too much, and ask if she would rather you wore flats or your shoes are on display. Neither are the end of the world.

And keep an eye on the website, stuff on asos is always going in and out of stock so you might still be able to get a replacement.

MrsPringles · 18/08/2017 16:09

Oohhh that's a nice dress
misses point of thread

I'm a bridesmaid for my sister in a couple of months, she honestly doesn't care about the minor things. Just tell the bride or wear flats, don't make it a big deal

PollyFlint · 18/08/2017 16:10

probably should wear flats, but all of the other bridesmaids are really tall and I'm really short (5 foot). Might annoy the bride?

The bride is entitled to want your dress to look a certain way. She is not entitled to be annoyed by the fact that you are 5 foot. She was fully aware that you were short when she asked you to be her bridesmaid. Just wear flats.

PyongyangKipperbang · 18/08/2017 16:12

Wear flats for the ceremony, photos etc and then change into high heels for the reception. Photos, processional are "perfect" Hmm and you can wear the shoes that give you a little height later. The only people who will see the vid/photos are the bride and groom anyway, unless are one of those insufferable couples who insist on a viewing, so it will be fine :)

The only other way is to try and find a replacement (maybe ebay?) and get it altered again yourself.

Italiangreyhound · 18/08/2017 16:13

Wear flats, tell the bride, your mum did it so you can say that she did it.

Please tell the bride. She will hopefully not be too bothered about it and all will be well. She is stressed, but that is not your fault, now you sound stressed.

If she is really bothered about it then that is quite sad and I think she needs to (I never say his!) get a grip.

If, for example, she said I could not be a bridesmaid for this reason, I would happily say fine, I won't be. And I am scheduled to be a bridesmaid next year!

It's a lovely dress and I am sure you will look fine (she bought it for you because you are the bridesmaid, I paid about three times that for my bridesmaids dresses 16 years ago and had two of them giving me the wrong size of dress for themselves, and the youngest one moaning about wanting to wear another colour - and I am still happily married so things all work out!)

PyongyangKipperbang · 18/08/2017 16:14

And shite like this is exactly why I would never be a bridesmaid....who gives a shit if shoes are poking out from under a dress? On what planet is that of any importance at all?!

Mummaofboys · 18/08/2017 16:23

If i wa the bride I would be so annoyed with you, she bought the dress for you and told you that she didn't want any shoe showing and now there's going to be shoe showing. I'd be so upset with you. Go find the dress and buy it again or wear flat shoes, it's her wedding her choice.

IfYouGoDownToTheWoodsToday · 18/08/2017 16:26

Confused Just wear flat shoes!

It doesn't matter you'll be a bit shorter than everyone else. The fact your dress is on the floor, is more important.

PyongyangKipperbang · 18/08/2017 16:26

Really Mumma?

So if you asked cousin Jane to be BM and her mum, Auntie Judy, over rode your and Janes instructions and you would be annoyed with Jane?

Surely Auntie Judy should be on the wrong end of your annoyance?

Italiangreyhound · 18/08/2017 16:28

Mummaofboys that's very harsh and unnecessary. It was a mistake and not intentional. She's trying to find the dress but it is out of stock.

I think the person being the bridesmaid is the one doing the favour, not the one asking them to be a bridesmaid so the bride should cut her some slack.

ontherightpath · 18/08/2017 16:30

I can't understand why you don't just wear the flat shoes. Problem solved. Any why on earth would the bride be annoyed at your height??

littlewoollypervert · 18/08/2017 16:32

Can you find out the dressmaker your mum used and go back to them? they may still have the fabric that they cut off the dress.

As a PP said, they could make you a half slip to wear under the dress, with the bottom of the half slip made out of the offcut fabric.

Not a perfect solution but probably the best looking one.

If the fabric has been chucked out, can you/the dressmaker get some lace the same colour as the dress, and get them to either do the same thing as above (make a half slip that is longer than the dress, with the last few inches of it made from the lace) or get them to hand sew the lace onto the bottom of the dress to make it longer.

FilledSoda · 18/08/2017 16:33

I wouldn't be asking your mum for any 'favours' for a very long time.
She sabotaged that dress.

TSSDNCOP · 18/08/2017 16:34

It would matter to me if I were the bride. I have a thing about sleeves and hems being the right length and I can tell you that dress, too short, with heels showing will look ridiculous. It's supposed to be all grecian and flowing to the floor not swinging round the ankles.

Is there any hem left that can be taken down? Dressmakers can do a lot with just a tiny bit of fabric to finish.

Otherwise I agree with PP, you're going to need some pretty dainty ballerinas - preferably in a satin fabric. Dance shop may be your friend.

EvelynWardrobe · 18/08/2017 16:37

Surely if the bride is being so prescriptive about shoes showing she'll shit a brick if she sees half slips or strips of lace sewn on?

MadamePomfrey · 18/08/2017 16:37

Before you make any more alterations I think you need to speak to the bride lengthing from the waste creating slips etc all have the potential to make the dress stand out more than it not touching the floor and that would annoy me as the dress was picked for a reason to match the others. Flats are the least stressful option here.

TheCraicDealer · 18/08/2017 16:42

It would matter to me a lot more to have your dress swinging round your ankles than have one bridesmaid be shorter than the others. It was the one thing I was fussy about with the alterations (that and making arm holes bigger for big-boobed mate's comfort). Too short dresses look terrible tbh, and by cutting you off at the ankle you'll look even shorter. Presumably the bride asked you because of your relationship with her, not because your height will match the others if you wear heels!

Get nice flats and say the seamstress pinned it wrong, or you've really hurt your ankle and can't wear heels higher than whatever height. Or tell the truth and say your mum fucked up.

AngelaTwerkel · 18/08/2017 16:43

The bride needs to get a grip. The day won't be ruined forever because someone saw your shoes.

This. How ridiculous have weddings become?

TumbleBee · 18/08/2017 16:45

If the bride cared so much about the bridesmaids' height matching, she wouldn't have chosen you in the first place - or would at least have arranged to have you stretched, a la Willy Wonka - so wear flats, be short and have the dress lengths matching. Agree with PP who suggest swopping shoes for the evening do when you're less likely to be standing in a line next to the other bridesmaids...

Witchend · 18/08/2017 16:45

You need to tell the bride. I'd wear flats anyway as it's much more comfortable. I was told the best wedding shoes are trainers as you can have the dress long enough to hide them and you do a lot of standing around. Smile

But the bride doesn't have to be unreasonable to be upset. She hasn't given a list of intricate instructions, simply, keep it long enough so the shoes don't show. Presumably OP was happy with that instruction too.

Yes, it (I assume) wasn't done on purpose, but she did request that and it wouldn't be unreasonable for her to be upset. It would be unreasonable for her to object out of the blue.

Personally it wouldn't worry me at all, and it may be when you say it doesn't. But if I'd said that to you (and it mattered to me) and you turned up on the day with it like that, then I probably would wonder if you'd done it deliberately.

MadamePomfrey · 18/08/2017 16:48

In fairness to the bride she doesn't know and hasn't kicked off yet. She might turn into a complete bridezella but at the moment I don't think she's done anything wrong.

TSSDNCOP · 18/08/2017 16:54

Agree wholeheartedly regarding slips and sewn on lace. FFS go the whole hog and sew on some giant pockets and a collar so none looks at your hem Grin

This is starting to sound more and more like the 70's when DM's prolonged the life of party dresses by adding a bit of random broderie anglais to your hem.

perper · 18/08/2017 16:56

TSSDNCOP Could not agree more! Grin

JaneEyre70 · 18/08/2017 16:58

Firstly, try the other bridesmaids and ask them for a photo of their shoes wearing the dress for comparison. They will all be different heights presumably and it's impossible that they will all be the same length considering they weren't made for you all. If yours looks stupid in comparison, then go with flats or tiny kitten heels. I'd assume that you aren't all in matching shoes, therefore the bride wanted not to see them?

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