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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Bridesmaid dress AIBU?

225 replies

Pombearsandnaiceham · 18/08/2017 14:35

Hi everyone,

I may be told that I'm being ridiculous with this AIBU (and am prepared to be told this), but I'm getting a bit stressed out, so would like to find out your advice please.

I'm a bridesmaid for a close relative, and the wedding is coming up in a few weeks. The bride very kindly bought my dress for me, which I'm really grateful for.

The dress was originally quite long (and I'm really short), so DM very kindly offered to take it to get it shortened. I told the bride that I'd need to shorten the dress, which she was fine with. The only thing that the bride asked was that my heels don't show when I'm wearing the dress, as I'd planned to wear heels to give myself some height.

I tried the heels that I'd planned to wear with the dress when it was still unshortened (with my DM there with me), so that we'd know how much material to take off.

I've just tried on the shortened dress with lower heels than I'd planned to be wearing, and they do show quite a lot under the dress.

I'm now really nervous about what the bride will think and say. I feel a bit sick. There'll be someone there filming the whole day as well as a photographer, and the bride wants everything to be perfect.

What do you all think? Should I buy another dress? Or should I just get over myself?

OP posts:
Allthebestnamesareused · 18/08/2017 15:47

Is suspect maybe your Mum put a pin as to where it should be taken up to (finished length) and the dressmaker thought it was where it needed cutting.

elisa2502 · 18/08/2017 15:48

Wear flats.

sparklewater · 18/08/2017 15:48

What does your mum think SHE should do now she's buggered the dress up for you?

user1497991628 · 18/08/2017 15:49

I think you should scour the internet for another dress the same and pay for it yourself.

Either that or confess to the bride....

sparklewater · 18/08/2017 15:49

Is suspect maybe your Mum put a pin as to where it should be taken up to (finished length) and the dressmaker thought it was where it needed cutting.

If that's what happened then it'll be at least an inch or two too short. Ouch!

Orangebird69 · 18/08/2017 15:50

What does your mum think SHE should do now she's buggered the dress up for you?

This!

user1497991628 · 18/08/2017 15:50

You should also take this as an ideal opportunity to make sure that your DM stops interfering with your life.

diddl · 18/08/2017 15:50

"My DM was worrie about me tripping."

Sounds as if she did it on purpose.

You can trip over a long dress in flats/bare feet if the dress is too longGrin

Best thing always to go yourself with dress & shoes & let the professional do it.

hooliodancer · 18/08/2017 15:51

It's a gorgeous dress.

I think it will stand out if the shoes show, the style should be floor length.

Just wear flat ballerina shoes. You will look better in those than with the heels which will make the dress look wrong.

TheDevilMadeMeDoIt · 18/08/2017 15:52

Unfortunately the dress is not only out of stock, but the website claims that it's an ASOS exclusive. So unless you were very very lucky on ebay I don't think replacing it is an option.

I think you need to tell the bride, but if she's being a bridezilla (as it sounds like) I think you might have to say that it's your mum's fault. Otherwise I fear she may turn round and say you can't be a bridesmaid then. If she knows it's not you deliberately going against her she's likely to be more forgiving.

TBH I'm 5' 1", and I'd wear the flats happily. I am what I am, and flats would be more comfy.

perper · 18/08/2017 15:52

If the shoes really are showing too much I think it would be worth getting in touch with ASOS and explaining that you urgently need a new dress as your original has been destroyed by the seamstress (no need to give them all the details about DM etc). Ask them really politely if they can save the wedding by finding another dress etc (could maybe do it on twitter so it's public and there's more incentive for them to 'save the day' and look like heroes!). Might not come to anything but would definitely be worth a shot!

perper · 18/08/2017 15:53

Otherwise, go with lower heels or flats - I doubt the bride will be annoyed that she has a short friend! Or ask her whether she'd prefer you to wear flats/heels if you're not sure.

honeysucklejasmine · 18/08/2017 15:54

Just wear flats. You're short. The bride knows your height. She knows how your height compares to the other bridesmaids. She wants you in her bridal party. So wear flat shoes and be done with it.

And tell your mum not to interfere next time.

perper · 18/08/2017 15:55

Or... if you're size 8 (please please be size 8!):

www.ebay.co.uk/itm/ASOS-TFNC-WEDDING-Pleated-Wrap-Maxi-Dress-/311939300565?hash=item48a107fcd5:g:ZrIAAOSwne9Zkq~h

Grin
hellejuice91 · 18/08/2017 15:55

I got married a few months ago and this would not even have entered my mind as being a real problem. Do what you are comfortable with.

perper · 18/08/2017 15:59

Ah just realised they may not be the right colour version, not sure if it's just my screen Confused

seven201 · 18/08/2017 16:02

We need to see a photo of your feet in it. I don't think you can get a pleated dress like that lengthened. Either buy one off e-bay if they have any or wear flats.

MyheartbelongstoG · 18/08/2017 16:04

Wear the flats. Bride has made a simple request.

MadamePomfrey · 18/08/2017 16:04

Personally I don't think the bride will massively care come the big day! I would wear flats it's a full length dress it should touch the floor I think that would look better then you being an inch taller and the dress flapping around your ankles! On a side note I don't know how old you are but you need to get some boundaries with your mum

Sisinisawa · 18/08/2017 16:05

I think you might be able to lengthen it at the waist if you make the waistband deeper.
But you need to tell the bride and bollock your mum.
By the way the seamstress should not have done the alteration without a fitting. That's really poor of her.

Lolabridges · 18/08/2017 16:05

As a pp said, if you have the offcut, bring it and the dress to the original alteration place, and tell them it's too short. See what they can do for you. It may be possible to leave an open gap where the waist band is and lower the bottom half under that to make it longer IYSWIM.

Dressmakers are ace at things like this!

happypoobum · 18/08/2017 16:06

Are you sure your DM didn't do this deliberately? It sounds very odd to me.

The dress is out of stock and I can't really see how you can add anything to it without it looking shit. I don't understand why your DM took it to a dressmaker rather than you, when the dressmaker could have seen you in it and seen how much needed to come up/off?

You will have to wear flats and pray it looks OK. I would be furious with myself and with my DM. If you think the dressmaker is at fault then she should be doing something about it, but I can't think what.

peachgreen · 18/08/2017 16:08

At this stage you need to talk to the bride. Lengthening it at the waist will make it look even less matching with the others. I think your best option is probably flats, but really the bride needs to decide.

Emily7708 · 18/08/2017 16:08

Why all the angst - just wear flat ballerina shoes. They will look much better than heels and you'll be grateful of them after 12 hours on your feet on the day.

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