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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not pay friend back?

354 replies

Forevergazingupwards · 17/08/2017 18:58

Going through a bad break up and asked to see friend but she was busy that night and invited me to go with her to London the following weekend to visit a mutual friend.

I asked her about train tickets and at the end of the week she bought and paid for us both.

The night before my grandma died and so I didn't go. Now a month later and friend is chasing up the money for the train ticket. I don't think I should have to pay, aibu?

OP posts:
Katherine2626 · 18/08/2017 22:37

Would be better if your friend had just forgotten the ticket given your unhappy experience, but you haven't said how much they were - if it was an expensive ticket and she needs the money then it's not unreasonable for her to expect you to repay her. It's sad about your grandma but it's not her fault and really shouldn't be her loss if she can't afford to stand you the ticket.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 18/08/2017 22:48

I don't think that @Forevergazingupwards is not coming back, because we didn't tell her what she wanted to hear - that she doesn't have to pay her friend back.

Mittens1969 · 18/08/2017 23:26

I definitely think the OP has left, and probably permanently hidden the thread.

howthelightgetsin · 19/08/2017 07:55

That's a shame. I was checking in to see if the OP has paid her friend the money she owes her yet.

Earthmother1 · 19/08/2017 08:11

Wow what kind of friend are you OP? Your friend did something beautiful for you, and this is how you treat her? Sure, it's sad that your grandmother died but if you'd agreed to repay her then you owe her the money even if she hadn't asked. You sound selfish and ungrateful!

Mittens1969 · 19/08/2017 08:14

You won't ever find that out. I had a friend do this to DH and me. She had a property that had just been sold, she said, and she would supposedly pay us back when the money came through. But it turned out that she had debts piled up totalling more than the value of the flat that was being sold. It was a lot more money than we're talking about here; we never got it back. It ended the friendship, of course. We used to get letters from her occasionally and my DH would say sarcastically, 'Is there a cheque inside?'

Oh, and her dad had just passed away, her attitude was the same as the OP's; how can you press me when I'm having such a shit time?'

Mittens1969 · 19/08/2017 08:44

I have actually wondered if the OP was this so-called friend, but no, because I think her nana died many years ago!

Mustang27 · 19/08/2017 09:03

I'd provably have let it go however maybe she really needs the cash and it's not a personal attack or her being unsympathetic. If you value her friendship pay her back. If you don't still pay her back as it's the right thing to do but tell her you feel genuinely shocked at her pressing for this at this time and you no longer wish to associate with her.

WestEndVBroadway · 19/08/2017 09:31

OP also has another thread started this week. I think there may be other issues involved. (MH)

user1485639128 · 19/08/2017 12:55

@WestEndVBroadway can you send link?

Jg1 · 19/08/2017 14:36

I think we've seen the last of OP on this thread (and the other). She doesn't seem to like being told that yes, YABU, or that others don't rub her shoulders, pat her hand and say "There, there, there. Of course you're right and the rest of the world are wrong".......

WeatherwaxOrOgg · 19/08/2017 16:30

Just feel like she could have let it go when I'm going through a shit time with the break up and my gran

I can hardly believe anyone could be soo entitled!!!

OrgyofSausages · 19/08/2017 17:26

How much is the debt?

bluejeanjeannie · 19/08/2017 17:37

Well I'm a grandmother and I sincerely hope that when I die, my grandchildren don't use my death as an excuse to get out of their obligations.

^ This

EdgeoftheDesert · 19/08/2017 23:50

Oh my goodness some of you are so nasty Confused ... not saying the OP is being reasonable, she should pay friend back. But linking to other threads and saying she has mental health issues? Just horrible.

MyOtherProfile · 19/08/2017 23:57

I agree Edge. I went to look at the other thread and couldn't see anything MH about it and in fact is have beem a bit upset too if I was still crossing and cars came at me. I tried to say that but ended up posting it on that thread not this.

WestEndVBroadway · 20/08/2017 09:29

I was actually trying to defend the OP from all of the negative comments on here by suggesting there may be MH issues invoved. It was NOT a slur.

OFuckShitAndBollocks · 20/08/2017 10:55

What's a reverse?

OFuckShitAndBollocks · 20/08/2017 10:56

Ignore me, just seen it

EdgeoftheDesert · 20/08/2017 11:00

Yeah it was a slur. None of what I've read would suggest the OP is mental. Not paying someone back is selfish, it doesn't mean they're mentally not well.

The other thread? Meh. I wouldn't be too happy if a car drove through a red light whilst I was crossing.

It's just pack mentality that you feel that you feel it's ok to do this. It's just wrong. You can express an opinion without resorting to such low levels.

willothewisp17 · 20/08/2017 11:06

😂 pay your friend back, maybe she needs the money? she's been gracious enough to leave it so long to ask!

onlyconnect · 20/08/2017 11:14

Yes, your friend could have let it go but she didn't. I think many people would let it go. As she didn't, you need to pay her.

Mittens1969 · 20/08/2017 11:19

@EdgeoftheDesert, of course we'd be upset, I also feel like that when a driver tailgates me on a narrow windy road in the dark. But the OP showed a reluctance to see that it would be impossible to report it to the police without any information about the car or the driver.

She was also incapable of getting the idea that she was being U not to think she should reimburse her friend for the ticket, and was totally unapologetic about it because she was going through a 'shit time'. It seemed nicer to think she had MH issues than that she was just totally selfish and incapable of thinking of anyone apart from herself.

But I take your point that it was uncalled for as we don't know her.

MadMags · 20/08/2017 11:38

Edge calling people "mental" is a slur. And no-one has said that but you.

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