To not pay friend back?

[Forevergazingupwards]

Going through a bad break up and asked to see friend but she was busy that night and invited me to go with her to London the following weekend to visit a mutual friend.

I asked her about train tickets and at the end of the week she bought and paid for us both.

The night before my grandma died and so I didn't go. Now a month later and friend is chasing up the money for the train ticket. I don't think I should have to pay, aibu?

Hope you've paid her back now OP. But your disappearance from the thread suggests orherwise.

Definitely not a reverse, or the OP would have been back to thank posters for their support in agreeing with her.

Use some of your inheritance to pay it?!

You asked to see her
She arranged something nice for you to do and now you are quibbling about paying her ?
Wow .....

Your grandma dying is a shame but not anyone else's problem

Think if it this way op.

How much were the tickets? Say they were £20 (or whatever).

Now take the tickets out of the equation.

Can you imagine saying to a friend "My GM has died. I am sad. I think you should give me £20"

Ludicrous. But in effect that's what you're saying to her.

Sorry to hear about your gran but it has to be paid back regardless.

Wouldn't it be easier not to have agonized over this and taken time to start a thread about it and just paid the money back. It takes a minute by bacs 🤷🏻‍♀️

Nothing from @Forevergazingupwards since 7.48 yesterday evening. I suspect she has flounced because we didn't tell her what a horrible meanie her friend was for wanting this debt repaid.

Maybe I am wrong - maybe she has already paid the money (very easy, as a previous poster says - BACS or PayPal) - I hope that is the case, otherwise she will have chosen to lose a friend over this money.

You haven't said how much the tickets were so I'm guessing not cheap. The world doesn't owe you something because you're having a rubbish time OP. As an adult bills still need to be paid. Your friend waited a month to ask you for the money back which she obviously needs. Someone else shouldn't have to accept a hit on their finances because you are bereaved and frankly it's shady to expect them to

TBH if I were the ticket-buyer in this scenario I wouldn't ask for it back. But, as others have said, this friend might really need the money; I'm lucky enough that I could probably suck up the loss (unless it was a REALLY expensive ticket).

I think the friend left it a month after the death/funeral etc in an attempt to be sensitive.

If you had book the ticket yourself would you have got a refund?

Yes you should pay her back.
It's upsetting that your grandmother died the night before and you couldn't make it but you owe her the money!
She could be really struggling at the moment and need it!

Yes you should pay her back and yes YABU!

She is out of pocket... it would only have been the same if you'd bought it. Now don't be so selfish and go pay your friend back!!

To be fair, I wouldn't have asked to be repaid.

Sorry for what's happened, OP.

OP, are you expecting everyone to whom you owe money to forget it? Because I can tell you now that it won't work with your electricity or gas provider, whoever you pay for your phone contract, and indeed next time you go to a shop.

I agree with most of the responses on here, you should pay since she's asked. However if you were my friend and I'd done this for you and knew the sad reason why you couldn't go, I wouldn't have asked for the moeny back in the first place. Perhaps she really needs it.

@catsize Could you not have organised a train or hire car for the second leg? If you'd booked the return journey and had paid both ways before going or on arrival at airport, why didn't they cover their share at that point, especially as they were ones insisting on that method you'd think they'd have had the funds on them.

I've been in a similar situation but friend knew my income is a lot lower than hers and that it's very rare I can afford to pay for her share if something more expensive than I'd usually buy so she always makes sure I have her share before I pay, or she pays and I give her my share, she usually tries to treat me but I like to pay my way.

In your situation, if she was insisting on an expensive cab for transfers both ways and was paying half, her half would have been paid at booking both ways either on booking the break, or at the airport on landing, but if return hadn't been booked and she had to leave early, we would have used a cheaper method.

I wouldn't have asked for taxi money back either, but at the same time, I'd feel like a shit if I'd forgotten to pay for something I'd gotten a friend to book or organise on my behalf.

Was actually due to go out tonight and other friend had bought tickets costing £50 each, Something's happened being my control and I can't go, Ive given friend the money for my ticket and would have done regardless of the reason I can't go and how rich/skint she is. She'd never have asked but I'd never assume she should cover my costs because if changes to my life that have zero to do with her.

Id imagine it would have taken a lot to ask OP for the money she owes, and a month later is more than reasonable. It's sad you lost your gran and didn't get to use the ticket OP, your friend has been a good friend, she was going to support, she's left it a month before asking, you should pay and apologise for it being late. I didn't stay in my home the week after my gran died, still had to pay my costs for house, internet, water, council tax, even though I didn't use any of it. You need to pay what you agreed.

Surely you had the money to pay as you were you going up until your gran died? You haven't spent your ticket money on something else and now can't afford it?

Why on earth would you believe that your "friend", who kindly invited you away for a weekend, and booked and paid for the ticket, for you should be out of pocket because you could not go, at the last minute?
I am sorry for your loss too, but you should absolutely not "burden" your "friends" with YOUR costs, and at this time in your life, you need your friends, and you need to be loyal and fair with them, and show respect to them for their efforts on your behalf. How on earth can you treat a "friend" like that? Can you explain, why you think your "friend" should be out of pocket, (no matter what the blasted price of the ticket was) because you (understandably) had to change plans at the last minute. That is not her problem, and should NOT be at her cost. Think carefully, before you lose this friend, because such kind and considerate friends are hard to come by and by your attitude here, you are on a slippery slope to lose that friend.
Good luck with everything.

Well I'm a grandmother and I sincerely hope that when I die, my grandchildren don't use my death as an excuse to get out of their obligations.

Yes, I honestly feel really embarrassed for you. You recent loss has no baring on your debts.

Sorry but you need to pay up!

Your friend is not responsible for your family bereavement, had tried to do you a favour, and now you think it's OK to leave her out of pocket too - very unreasonable and you should pay her ASAP before you lose a friend.

I never cease to be amazed at the way some people think about paying for things and/or repaying debts etc. Learn to be reasonable and to be a better friend; she should not have had to chase you for the money regardless of your sadness.

Why would you NOT? 😕

I suppose its wether the cost of the ticket is worth more than the loss of a good friend.Pay your friend. It is the honourable thing to do.I think you must realise this really?