Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not pay friend back?

354 replies

Forevergazingupwards · 17/08/2017 18:58

Going through a bad break up and asked to see friend but she was busy that night and invited me to go with her to London the following weekend to visit a mutual friend.

I asked her about train tickets and at the end of the week she bought and paid for us both.

The night before my grandma died and so I didn't go. Now a month later and friend is chasing up the money for the train ticket. I don't think I should have to pay, aibu?

OP posts:
Gemini69 · 17/08/2017 22:54

AfunaMbatata I literally spat my tea out lol

Mittens1969 · 17/08/2017 22:55

@AfunaMbatata, that's not a nice thing to say, for all we know the nana may not have been all that old. The OP and her friend sound like they're very young, imo. And it sounds like it was a close relationship.

She also went through a break-up.

I'm not saying she shouldn't pay up, though.

AfunaMbatata · 17/08/2017 22:57

It doesn't matter how old the grandparents are, don't most kids think about how long till their grandparents die? I certainly did and was not at all upset.

QuackPorridgeBacon · 17/08/2017 22:58

I'm guessing the ticket isn't cheap then if you won't say how much it is.

You are cheeky to expect a death to stop you owing money.

How much is your 'friend' out of pocket. I use the word friend lightly as you don't seem like one.

sleeponeday · 17/08/2017 23:04

I'm very sorry for your loss.

If the ticket was a fiver or less, and she's not struggling financially, and you have no history if taking financial advantage, then yeah, it's not great to keep after this - but really you should have paid her back anyway, the minute she asked, and not thought anything of it.

If it cost a lot of money, then she can't be expected to sub you, no matter how sad your situation. In all honesty, she'd be a bit of a mug if she did. It honestly is still your responsibility and it's a bit much to think your hurt is her financial problem.

cushioncovers · 17/08/2017 23:05

If this was a reverse surely the op could of told us the ticket price she'd been mistaken and wrapped the thread up.

cushioncovers · 17/08/2017 23:06

**Said she'd been mistaken

Whinesalot · 17/08/2017 23:07

Just feel like she could have let it go when I'm going through a shit time with the break up and my gran.
Unfortunately you will have to add losing a good friend to this list if you don't pay up.

Tapandgo · 17/08/2017 23:08

Death happens in all families - my mum and dad both died and I never saw that as an opportunity to screw anybody over.
OP - you sound a lousy friend.
You own your friend the money and a serious apology - find it hard to believe people actually behave like you!

Jux · 17/08/2017 23:10

She's given you a month's grace already, isn't that enough? Your life circumstances are not her fault or responsibiity so don't be such a self-indulgent twit. Pay up now.

Bodicea · 17/08/2017 23:12

I don't see what your gran dying has to do with paying a friend some money back owed. It takes a minute with internet banking - longer to write this thread. It has no bearing on whether you can afford to pay her back - you obviously can. You sound very self absorbed.

ManyManyShoes · 17/08/2017 23:13

Fuck me if this is not a reverse OP then you are just embarrassingly entitled.

Anecdoche · 17/08/2017 23:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Nanny0gg · 17/08/2017 23:14

It doesn't matter how old the grandparents are, don't most kids think about how long till their grandparents die? I certainly did and was not at all upset.

You can't have liked them all that much then.

CremeFresh · 17/08/2017 23:16

It's sad that your Nan died and I'm sorry for that but a bereavement does not absolve you from paying your debts. I can't imagine Sainsburys waiving the cost of a weekly shop because someone's relative has died.

AfunaMbatata · 17/08/2017 23:18

You think I didn't like them because I wasn't upset about them dying? Grin I just wasn't daft enough to think they would live for a long time.

Ninabean17 · 17/08/2017 23:22

Your gm dying has no relation to the money you owe your friend. She's waited long enough, and it doesn't sound like she's being rude about it, just pay her back! And stop trying to make excuses

Mittens1969 · 17/08/2017 23:29

@AfunaMbatata, I didn't have any grandparents so I can't comment. Certainly my DDs talk about their granny dying, certainly. But the idea upsets them, which is what you'd expect.

If you're close to someone who's died, you miss them being around.

SpongeBobJudgeyPants · 17/08/2017 23:30

I am sorry for your loss. But we all lose people throughout life. Sad fact. You can't use this as an excuse to dodge your obligations, or you will lose many friends along the way. Please don't be that woman, it will be a lonely life in the end.

hedgebitch · 17/08/2017 23:30

I just wasn't daft enough to think they would live for a long time.

God's sake, my grandad survived months longer than I thought he would and I was still upset when he died. Grief isn't a state of surprise. Hmm

Ohmyfuck · 17/08/2017 23:34

Of course you should pay!

AfunaMbatata · 17/08/2017 23:35

Well yes I get that it isn't a state of surprise, just that its odd for it to hit a person so hard. I mean, it's just odd.

Idk, don't want to derail thread so shall step out.

UnicornQueen · 17/08/2017 23:37

The fact that your even asking is shameful. You don't just expect people to pay for you or not pay for things you should be just because a member of your family has died. If this is a serious question then I actually think you're lacking in a lot more than just manners.

Oweing a fellow human being money is no different to having a bill to pay or your rent.
My grandparents are both dead, by your logic I should have not payed the mortgage that month and then acted shocked when I got a letter asking me to pay, then I should have called and said 'but my grandmother died and I thought you would have let it go because I'm having a hard time this month'

🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄

UnicornQueen · 17/08/2017 23:39

"ManyManyShoes

Fuck me if this is not a reverse OP then you are just embarrassingly entitled"

^ also this.

GabsAlot · 17/08/2017 23:41

did sh say sh'll lay it out for you or say i'll buy it for you

unless your sure u should assume sh just meant lay it out which means u owe her regardless

dont think ive ever got a rfund from a ticket unless there was a delay

Swipe left for the next trending thread