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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not be thankful MIL has cut the grass?

223 replies

Dontgiveaflyingfuck · 17/08/2017 01:06

Just got back from a week camping to discover MIL has been gardening. How do i know this in the dark? Because the house I spent my only child free day the entire summer holiday cleaning is a fucking tip. She has dragged everything out of cupboards to find things and has left stuff everywhere. I have a 2 year old and the sight of hedge trimmers, saws, two badly balanced ladders and numerous cables gave me palpatations. Oh and the house is covered in mud and grass. My oldest two (9 and 7) are upset because their bedroom is a tip. Eldest child is autistic and everything is now in the wrong place. I assume MIL left my 2 year old nephew whom she cares for in the bedroom while she made my house into a shit tip. DH thinks we should be thankful shes tried to help. I'm dreading the daylight - if shes cut my fucking hedges im going balistic. I have lovely neighbours but very noisy so grow the hedges tall for privacy and MIL has always complained they are too high.

OP posts:

GreatAuntMary · 18/08/2017 19:21

Re the shed: I'd give DP an ultimatum: "We are buying and putting up a shed this weekend. You can either put up the shed, or you can take over the cleaning, cooking, washing, washing-up, looking after the DC etc. etc. while I put up the shed...".

Slightly off the point, I know, but you NEED that shed!

Spangles1963 · 18/08/2017 19:21

This sounds like exactly the sort of stunt my ex (thankfully) MIL would have pulled,if I'd ever given in to her regular requests for a key to my place. I dug my heels,despite my ExH not seeing any harm in it. Over my dead body. I said she'd be round here the first opportunity that she knew we were away for more than a day or two,having a good old nose. And no doubt she'd have brought my ghastly SIL and her tribe of badly behaved kids,for good measure,to thoroughly trash the place. They knew I was house proud,and I know it got right up their noses for some reason that I never quite understood. They knew I liked to leave the place clean and tidy before going away on holiday,so it would have given them great pleasure to come in and wreck the place.

happypoobum · 18/08/2017 19:28

OP you are very gullible trusting. I wouldn't accept that story for a nanosecond. WHy was she doing your gardening? You know she thought your hedges were too high, and now, guess what......

I would insist on getting key back and never ask her to look after anything ever again.

Why did she bring DN round? There must be some time in the day when she could have looked after the plant when he wasn't with her. Clearly he has been there for a considerable time.

You are coming across as very passive.

Oochiewalla · 18/08/2017 19:31

Crikey the advice people give on here...
'Threaten your mil with the police' 'demand she fixes it' 'demand the key' I seriously can't imagine anyone actually doing the things that are 'advised'
What happy families you must all have!

pullingmyhairout1 · 18/08/2017 19:35

It's controlling behaviour. Would you accept it?

starfishmummy · 18/08/2017 19:37

I've posted this before about mil and her gardening antics.
One year she either arranged lifts or caught two buses each way -with tools- to come and weed the tubs in our front garden. Except the weeds she grubbed out were plants including herbs. She asked what we thought and I asked.where all my herbs and plants were. She then turned up with a scraggy bit of mint she had dug up from somewhere and some supermarket "living herbs" which were not the same ones I had previously had.

A coupleof years later we returned to decimation. The front had been weeded and sbrubs cut back. Some bags of bark we had hidden under a shrub had been opened and spread all over the hideous crazy paving with nothing to retain it in place. (We had intended it for the back garden but dh had hurt his back and not been able to carry it all round). Mil initially denied it on the grounds that she hadn't done it, but had paid a family member who works as a gardener/handyman to do it. We are still trying to sort out the damage he did. We will never ask him work for us because of the idiot things he did and also because in my opinion he should not have worked on our property on someone elses say so.
Luckily she has not been in the house.....

Spangles1963 · 18/08/2017 19:41

She can't manage to garden,yet she manages to make a pig's ear of yours?! How strange.

stella23 · 18/08/2017 19:41

. Demand that she comes and sort out everything today or else you will be phoning the police to report her for criminal damage

Is this what you would do to an member of yours or your partners husband? Completely unhelpful advice

OzziePopPop · 18/08/2017 23:29

Op if you're in the south west (Bristol ish area) we'd be happy to give your DD one of our (enormous) giant pumpkin plants. Most have little pumpkins on already too. My youngest has Aspergers so I know how obsessive things can get. If you're local you're absolutely welcome to come and dig one up with your little girl anytime :-) honestly, they're like triffids... growing everywhere!

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 19/08/2017 02:59

I find it fascinating that your MIL is apparently unable to do her own garden, but seems quite capable of lugging a step ladder out into the garden, and carrying a chainsaw up it.

She's a liar.

UniversalAunt · 19/08/2017 07:11

"To be fair this is the first time MIL has ever done this. So while i don't believe the strange illness i will accept the apology and move on."

On reflection, it sounds like she overstretched herself so she could not make good the clippings/mess/havoc at yours before you came home.

Could it be she started this horticultural venture to be helpful/creative/interfering/daft/PA gesture (delete as required), & with boisterous tornado DN in tow, she ran out of steam?

Is long hours with DN too much for her? Even more too much whilst you were away? Might she have brought DN round for change of scene, safe garden to play in & fresh toys?

How are the boundaries between yr MiL & SiL? Would she hesitate to reconfigure yr SiL's home or garden? What is yr SiL's opinion about supervision of DH during the hedgehacking ?

Once the heat of your ire has passed, I do wonder how far you & DH will get establishing firm boundaries, particularly if they are smudgy between MiL & SiL.

My InnerMinx suggests asking for the house key back, assuming she has made a copy, & still change the locks...

gotthemoononastick · 19/08/2017 08:47

Gosh! I too am a Mil and would no more dream of entering an adult child's home to do anything,unless I have the instructions in writing.(Yes,not even 'looking around' aka snooping.)

This woman was overwhelmed by the task and the childcare.I am ancient,wobbly on ladders and can tell you that the small twig, once cut down is really a monster sized branch.

Who knows why she felt the need to do it.

gotthemoononastick · 19/08/2017 08:49

What was the magic spell post?Hate it when people report things and latecomers to the thread never know.

SheSaidHeSaid · 19/08/2017 09:26

OP, you have my every sympathy, this sounds exactly like what my MIL would do as she has a habit of overstepping boundaries.

We took her key away in the end and have lived (relatively) happy ever after. I suggest you do the same.

maggieml11 · 19/08/2017 14:01

No help from in laws EVER !!!

SasBel · 19/08/2017 18:32

Gotthemoon was an amazing spell that gave her so much hope with her boyfriend! It needed you to respond to a gmail address! It used lots of!!!!!!!

mumoffour85 · 19/08/2017 20:26

Wow, the MIL massively overstepped the mark! I happen your daughter is ok, two of my children are in the spectrum and I know how things, like the loss of the plant and the personal items being moved, can upset them. Hopefully MIL has learned her lesson and won't try to help out again.

Witheredtits · 19/08/2017 20:35

Am I the only one disgusted that this mil locked a 2 year old whom was in her care in various rooms, alone, whilst pissing about for hours in theme garden and rest of house? What the hell was she thinking?! I'd be on to the child's mother!

cowssheephens · 19/08/2017 21:09

ozziepoppop such a kind post, I hope the OP lives near you. I too know how obsessive and attached our children can get to plants/toys etc. A replacement plant might not be perfect but might ease the upset.

Batwoman76 · 20/08/2017 08:40

Yeah this happened to me. Saw the photos on facebook whilst on holiday. Keys taken away from them. They don't understand what they did wrong

SheSaidHeSaid · 20/08/2017 10:23

They don't understand what they did wrong This would be my MIL. She can't see that any of the overstepped boundaries are exactly that.

I've been so tempted before to go into their house when they're on holiday and replace items in their home with things I think are better, clean their house and move things about, invite my friend's to theirs whilst they're out (just to show said friends what PILs house looks like) and just generally let myself in whenever i feel like it, then getting funny about it when MIL is taken aback to be disturbed whilst in the bath. Funnily enough I don't think it would go down well, despite MIL thinking this is ok done the other way round.

peekyboo · 20/08/2017 12:23

I think they do understand that they wouldn't like it if it was them but other people's feelings don't matter as much so it's fine.

Sweetpea55 · 18/09/2017 11:18

She might be sorry but its still not on is it,,?

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