To not be thankful MIL has cut the grass?

[Dontgiveaflyingfuck]

Just got back from a week camping to discover MIL has been gardening. How do i know this in the dark? Because the house I spent my only child free day the entire summer holiday cleaning is a fucking tip. She has dragged everything out of cupboards to find things and has left stuff everywhere. I have a 2 year old and the sight of hedge trimmers, saws, two badly balanced ladders and numerous cables gave me palpatations. Oh and the house is covered in mud and grass. My oldest two (9 and 7) are upset because their bedroom is a tip. Eldest child is autistic and everything is now in the wrong place. I assume MIL left my 2 year old nephew whom she cares for in the bedroom while she made my house into a shit tip. DH thinks we should be thankful shes tried to help. I'm dreading the daylight - if shes cut my fucking hedges im going balistic. I have lovely neighbours but very noisy so grow the hedges tall for privacy and MIL has always complained they are too high.

Don't ask for the key to be brought round, she'll make a copy.
Turn up in her doorstep, ask for the key, say nothing and leave.

I would phone the police to report her for criminal damage.

Actions have consequences and this is her consequence. Your house sounds well and truly trashed at her hands and it will take time, money and effort to put right.

Her only task here was to water your DDs pumpkin plant and she has messed that up as well. She needs to explain herself to your family as a whole

Unfortunately your H does sound like a mouse when it comes to his mother. His own inertia re her has hurt his own self as well as your people and he still seeks her approval on some level.

As Barbara writes if you had paid someone to look after your plant and they had taken it upon themselves to destroy your garden and home, you would involve the police. I don't see how it is different if a relative does the same thing. Family are not binding.

What Kaytey said! ^^

Kaytey someone (an ex bf!) I left in charge of caring for my fish while I was away also caused the death of some by negligence. I worry about people who can't be trusted to care for a living creature...

I think Kaytey is spot on. The key is make you DH help tidy up so he sees the mess she has made and the work that goes in to sorting it.

Kaytey I'm interested in why you feel that the OP should take all the responsibility for maintaining an 'undamaged' relationship with MiL?

Why does MiL bear no responsibility whatsoever in your eyes?

What money will it cost to tidy away the mess?

Good post Kaytey.

This is really awful.

I would have a really hard time getting over that.

What are you going to do?

Fuck it, I'm sorry but she is a bitch, she's ignored your requests to look after the plant and killed it, she's ignored the fact that you (who actually lives in the house) likes the hedges high, she's let, or at the very least failed to tidy up after the 2yr old in her charge leaving her grandchildrens rooms a tip and I'm taking a wild guess that she knows your eldest is autistic and therefore will be very upset by this!?

I'd let her have it with both barrels, honestly I'm not a confrontational person I'm really not but my blood pressure is through the roof in sympathy just reading your posts.

Dodachacha my thoughts exactly and I saw her first

Wow! DP and I are moving into our first home at the end of the month. His family have offered to come en masse to help us paint and stuff. I am grateful for this. My only concern is that FIL has strong opinions and is very much the head of the family. I can foresee him coming in and questioning all of my decisions. I am also strong willed and will not be keeping my mouth shut. DP on the other hand, I'm not so sure.

Wow - YA sooo NBU!

My mother always wants to do our garden, and I have to watch her like a hawk, because she has a tendency to clear the flowerbeds of everything - she once pulled up all the poppies saying they were weeds

But she'd never do this!

I think it has to be raised with her and the damage she has caused shown in detail. All she had to do was look after the plant she killed. There's no way I'd take care to protect the relationship when she has caused what by anyone else would be classed as criminal damage (and yes, it is for her too but I doubt you'll go to police) and upset your children so much.

I'd go f***g stomping, raging bonkers, and if your DH can't see why you're upset, he's a dumb sap!!!!

.....jaysus, I can't get over this one! Is your M in L out of her mind???.

Ok i'm calming down slowly. DH rang her this morning and she apologised. Apparently she and a neighbour (lives opposite not next door) decided to tackle the garden together on Tuesday. She was then struck down with a mysterious illness (of which she can give no details) and was unable to tidy up. She did offer to come help tidy up but as that involves bring DN who is delightful but destroys everything DH declined. He and I have tidyed the house and will sort the garden and take all the hedge clippings to the tip.

Dd1 is 9 but autistic. She is devestated by the plant but we will have a goodbye plant ceremony and will use it to help her understand loss.

To be fair this is the first time MIL has ever done this. So while i don't believe the strange illness i will accept the apology and move on. DH spent a long time hammering home how upset we are and how sad it is so hopeful this will be a one off. And we have discovered milk in the fridge (tho unsure if that is MIL or neighbour)

I really don't think I could be so forgiving!

A bit weird that a neighbour also decided she'd join in this mayhem - I wonder what people are thinking sometimes !

Really sorry about your DD's plant it sounds as if she had put a lot of effort and love into growing it. Maybe MIL could offer to buy her some seeds to start some more growing (Those fancy gourds you can get - they come in all sorts of weird and wonderful shapes and colours - are members of the same family as pumpkins and easy to grow and if she had several plants it would allow leeway for some to survive depsite MIL's destructive tendencies !)

Also - mystery illness or not, at the very least she could have popped a note through the door saying 'so sorry about the mess, started trying to do a bit in the garden, but became ill and couldn't finish. Will come over and tidy up asap'

Does your nephew's Mum know he is being left unsupervised in your house while MIL buggers about in the garden ? - he could have got hold of anything and got hurt.

DH spent a long time hammering home how upset we are and how sad it is

I'm really happy to read that. Because although I thought what MiL did was appalling, I was just as bothered by you saying that DH thought you should be thankful that she'd tried to help. That suggested that you had a DH problem.

I wonder how she'll behave next time you see her?

I don't want to reopen the wound, but how much did she cut off your hedges and do your next door neighbours now have a clear view into your garden?

She got the neighbour involved?! I think that would make me even more upset! How bizarre! I doubt she'll ever do anything like this again if your DH has spoken to her seriously.

My mum went round my cousin's garden and pulled up lots of purple weeds. My cousin went mad, she liked them, they attracted butterflies. Just bonkers.