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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To not be thankful MIL has cut the grass?

223 replies

Dontgiveaflyingfuck · 17/08/2017 01:06

Just got back from a week camping to discover MIL has been gardening. How do i know this in the dark? Because the house I spent my only child free day the entire summer holiday cleaning is a fucking tip. She has dragged everything out of cupboards to find things and has left stuff everywhere. I have a 2 year old and the sight of hedge trimmers, saws, two badly balanced ladders and numerous cables gave me palpatations. Oh and the house is covered in mud and grass. My oldest two (9 and 7) are upset because their bedroom is a tip. Eldest child is autistic and everything is now in the wrong place. I assume MIL left my 2 year old nephew whom she cares for in the bedroom while she made my house into a shit tip. DH thinks we should be thankful shes tried to help. I'm dreading the daylight - if shes cut my fucking hedges im going balistic. I have lovely neighbours but very noisy so grow the hedges tall for privacy and MIL has always complained they are too high.

OP posts:
Weebo · 17/08/2017 09:02

OP is clearly not going to involve the police or damage her MIL's property so those sort of suggestions are really unhelpful.

Your husband needs to talk to his mum about the damage she has done.

Surely he is furious at the upset it will cause DD?

Fitzsimmons · 17/08/2017 09:03

You need to change your locks, because if you ask for the key back there's a good chance she will make a copy, since she clearly has no regard for your wishes.

Choccyhobnob · 17/08/2017 09:03

This has made my blood boil! How dare she?

MorrisZapp · 17/08/2017 09:03

When you phone the police because your mother in law trimmed your hedge and moved a pumpkin plant, please record their response for our entertainment.

UrsulaPandress · 17/08/2017 09:04

What on earth possesses people?

JWrecks · 17/08/2017 09:05

@Scentofwater
*Don't mention the mess, or the hedges, just phone her and ask her to bring the key back today. Don't speak to her when she returns it.

She knows what she's done.*

Agree with this, only when she's over returning the keys, demand that she clean up the fucking mess herself. Oh, and let HER tell DD about the pumpkin herself and all.

I'm bloody FURIOUS about hour hedges for you OP. On top all else, that's one too far.

Donttouchthethings · 17/08/2017 09:06

It sounds like you need to ring your mil and tell her straight that she's crossed a massive line by pruning your hedge and generally trashing your house. Let her know how upset you are that she's betrayed your trust and that you will now have to think twice before allowing her in the house unattended again.

Nomoreboomandbust · 17/08/2017 09:08

ursual

Some people just cannot see their adult children and their partners as adults and so feel they have some rights to interfere and control their lives in a way they wouldn't dream of doing to other adults.

It's a very very strange attitude.

But in this case it's got to be malicious.

Donttouchthethings · 17/08/2017 09:10

Definitely get the keys back.

DeadButDelicious · 17/08/2017 09:11

Husband has cocked up his car tax. It's not a big deal, just means we have to sorn it while it gets registered to us (previous owner never bothered his arse and husband forgot to send the form so he could do it). Yes it's inconvenient and yes he should of been more on top of it but it's not the end of the world. We have good public transport links round here, I'm used to getting around without a car (I don't drive). It's not a massive deal.

You'd think the sky had come crashing down the way his mother is banging on about it. He asked to borrow a push bike to get back and too to work and somehow that has turned into she has to buy him a cheap run around while the paperwork gets sorted. How? How has she turned 'lend me a bike' into 'I must throw hundreds at the problem'. We don't want another car. We don't need another car. What do we do with this 'run around' when the other one is sorted? The fact our car is second hand has always bothered her. Like it's some kind of reflection on her. It's ridiculous. It's not like he's not said all this to her either. She just won't listen.

Sorry for the rant... Blush

StarryCorpulentCunt · 17/08/2017 09:12

I would tell her to get round here right now with a new pumpkin plant or explain to DD why it is dead and when she arrives tell her she can clean up her mess, take the clippings to the tip and then hand over her key as she is no longer welcome in your house.

ItsNachoCheese · 17/08/2017 09:13

If my mil done that to my garden she would never step over the threshold of my garden again.

TroelsLovesSquinkies · 17/08/2017 09:15

Oh dear it gets worse.
Who in hell would think it was OK to go and do this to someone elses home. She's mad.

JWrecks · 17/08/2017 09:16

Really, let your MIL be the one to tell your DD about the pumpkin plant.

Even if you have to have DD be the one to ring her up and ask. Oh, DD, Nana was here gardening while we were away! Why don't we ring her and ask if she noticed "anything special" while she was here?!

Hand her the phone to ask Nana if she saw her lovely pumpkin while she was over, let the sweet girl babble on about how proud she is of the plant and how she's cared for it for months now and done such a good job of it.

You should NOT have to be the one who breaks poor DD's heart about that plant she has worked so hard on and is now dead for no reason! The woman who murdered it should have to tell her.

(Now that I think about it, I may be just as furious for you about your poor DD's plant as I am about the bloody hedges.)

CaptainHammer · 17/08/2017 09:18

I'm angry for you OP and your poor DD. I'd be getting the key back asap.

FuckYouLinda · 17/08/2017 09:20

You ring her up and curtly demand the key back. Today. And tell her she ruined your garden and your home and she massively overstepped boundaries. She's managed to upset the whole family with her actions the moment they arrived home from a lovely holiday. Does she hate you all?

I've a lovely MIL who would not dream of doing anything like this. Occasionally she'll offer an unwanted opinion but that's the worst she'll do. She's supportive and we both respect each other's homes. I'm very grateful for her when I read MIL horror stories on here.

Dancinginthemidnight · 17/08/2017 09:20

In would be fuming.

witchofzog · 17/08/2017 09:21

I would be beyond furious. How dare she. I would second taking photos. Show her exactly what a mess she has made. And that the ONE thing she was supposed to do hadn't been done which has devastated your dd. What planet is she on?

Penfold007 · 17/08/2017 09:26

MIL knew exactly what she was doing and also knows her DS is too weak to stand up to her. You need to stop the behaviour today.

JaneEyre70 · 17/08/2017 09:27

I think you have to tell her, no matter how hard. She's gone so far over the line of acceptable, and I would ask her outright for the key to be returned. And all to her face. She needs to see how upset your DD is over her plant too.

Kaytey · 17/08/2017 09:28

Husbands tend to be a bit precious about sheds don't they?! Tell him he's got until the weekend to get it sorted or you'll find a cheap and cheerful one yourself and that'll be his Christmas (or whatever flavour holiday you celebrate, if any), Birthday, Father's Day etc. presents sorted for the next year or two.

The house is a mess so you and your husband need to tidy it, your MIL will only do a shit job anyway and certainly she cannot tidy your eldest's room without causing further upset.

The hedges are gone and all you can do here is encourage re-growth.

If the pumpkin plant is a goner then start a new growing project - avocado pits are good to watch, aloe plants grow quickly, Venus Fly Traps are fun, just move on and try to limit the sadness over the croaked pumpkin.

Your relationship with your MIL is now going to be strained for at least a while anyway; best not to make it worse so by phoning the police to report her for criminal damage or similar.

Obviously you aren't going to ask her to water the plants again - just like I no longer ask my FIL to feed our remaining fish.

I would put everything right and then one of you call MIL to ask why she has done what she has done - you never know, she could have been mid-tidying up and something happened with the rampaging two year old and she had to bolt, leaving the mess.

At least by asking why she has left the house a shit tip and ransacked the kids bedrooms you are raising the issue without confrontation.

Re the hedges just explain, again, that you keep them long for a reason and, although you appreciate her wanting to keep them trimmed, please do not cut them again.

Try to take it in your stride and not get too het up over it - lopped hedges and a few muddy footprints are frustrating yes, but not worth long term damage to your relationship with your MIL.

IDoDaChaCha · 17/08/2017 09:32

Nomoreboomandbust you're welcome to come round and do our ironing whenever you like. No boundary crossed at all Grin

IDoDaChaCha · 17/08/2017 09:33

Completely agree with Scentofwater - get keys back and don't explain. She does know what she's done.

Foslady · 17/08/2017 09:35

Tell MIL your dh would like cash for his Xmas gift to buy a shed with.....with a heavy duty anti crop padlock......
Sorry you can't come and see her soon, your previously tidy house is now a dirty shit tip which couldn't be sorted until you had consoled the dc's re the state of their rooms and a now dead pumpkin plant......although now your head is pounding thanks to the noise coming over from next door's garden that the hedge used to block out - so could she bring the key back to yours instead?

dataandspot · 17/08/2017 09:37

Kaytey

What happened to your fish?