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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not be thankful MIL has cut the grass?

223 replies

Dontgiveaflyingfuck · 17/08/2017 01:06

Just got back from a week camping to discover MIL has been gardening. How do i know this in the dark? Because the house I spent my only child free day the entire summer holiday cleaning is a fucking tip. She has dragged everything out of cupboards to find things and has left stuff everywhere. I have a 2 year old and the sight of hedge trimmers, saws, two badly balanced ladders and numerous cables gave me palpatations. Oh and the house is covered in mud and grass. My oldest two (9 and 7) are upset because their bedroom is a tip. Eldest child is autistic and everything is now in the wrong place. I assume MIL left my 2 year old nephew whom she cares for in the bedroom while she made my house into a shit tip. DH thinks we should be thankful shes tried to help. I'm dreading the daylight - if shes cut my fucking hedges im going balistic. I have lovely neighbours but very noisy so grow the hedges tall for privacy and MIL has always complained they are too high.

OP posts:
Kaytey · 17/08/2017 11:00

MissHavishamsleftdaffodil I don't think that at all - which is why I said to talk to her about it rather than just launch in with an angry confrontation, demands for keys back, or worse yet, report her for criminal damage.

As it turns out OP has had an apology and an explanation - not sure that would have happened had some of the PPs suggestions been taken up.

dataandspot gone the way of the dodo! IDoDaChaCha agreed, worrying indeed!

OP, it sounds like you have resolved the issue; nice glass of wine later methinks!

Sparkletastic · 17/08/2017 11:03

It is worrying that she was leaving a toddler to their own devices whilst this was going on. My MIL used to pull shit like this. Proudly announced she had spent hours cleaning our unused and about to be dismantled conservatory windows and then, when I enquired why DD1 was looking a bit peaky realised that she hadn't given her any lunch. Hmm

PhuntSox · 17/08/2017 11:04

Tell her you had to call the police as someone broke in and trashed the place and vandalised the hedges, the children are really upset and the police are taking fingerprints.

ScarletForYa · 17/08/2017 11:15

Don't forget to take the key back.

Dina1234 · 17/08/2017 11:21

Can you maybe just never leave her at your house alone again?

Zvandelle · 17/08/2017 11:23

Yes to leaving a note, maybe she should buy your daughter a new plant ( loved the fancy squash suggestion!) But to cut your hedges? That in itself is inexcusable. Boundaries!!! Literally and figuratively...

nigelsbigface · 17/08/2017 11:29

Gosh. I was irritated last week when my mum tidied up the sheets etc in my airing cupboard (and that was actually helpful really). I would be apoplectic about the hedges.
Your Dh needs to sort this out pronto-it's not on.

Dawnedlightly · 17/08/2017 11:31

Good for you for moving on and being so forgiving Flowers

ClopySow · 17/08/2017 11:31

I would phone the police to report her for criminal damage

Don't be rediculous.

VladmirsPoutine · 17/08/2017 11:37

ClopySow I agree. There's always one Grin

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 17/08/2017 12:01

I would have been so, so angry. I don't think I'd have forgiven her easily, if at all, and I wouldn't be having her around again for a long while. I also would be taking the keys back off ASAP.

honeysucklejasmine · 17/08/2017 12:55

How much height has she taken off the hedge?

dollydaydream114 · 17/08/2017 13:12

Apparently she and a neighbour (lives opposite not next door) decided to tackle the garden together on Tuesday.

But ... why did she think it was OK to 'tackle the garden'?! And to get a neighbour round to join in? I would be both furious and embarrassed by that alone.

My mum will often do a few little bits of housework in my house when I'm not there - e.g. she once cleaned the windows and folded a load of washing, and also once randomly made a pasta sauce and put in the fridge so we wouldn't have to worry about cooking tea - but she knows full well those things are useful to us and just saving me and DP some effort. She would never move things or change things, ever. She's a very keen and talented gardener but she'd never dream of undertaking unsolicited gardening and hacking down hedges in our garden! That is mad.

Dragonfly3 · 17/08/2017 13:30

If she doesn't understand what she's done wrong (apart from leaving a mess which she seems to be apologetic for) I would gather up the gardening implements, go round to her house and 'tidy up' her garden, remembering to leave clippings and crap all over the place. She might understand your point of view then.

Bahhhhhumbug · 17/08/2017 13:56

But still doesn't explain why she thought it OK to cut the hedges down. What did she say about that ? She sounds very controllingood and l would still be taking the bloody keys off her, lame excuse or not. Just say you need them one day as you've lost yours or just'pinch ' them one day at her house if you don't want confrontation.

ohfourfoxache · 17/08/2017 14:35

Regardless of the apology, you need to get that key. Or change the locks.

peekyboo · 17/08/2017 15:00

She probably started the hedges and the neighbour came over and admired the fact she was destroying them so they decided to destroy them together. Then were both struck down by a mystery illness (celebratory coffee at the local Costa) and she knew you wouldn't mind cleaning up the mess after all the hard work she'd put in sorting out your garden.

Original poster
Dontgiveaflyingfuck · 17/08/2017 16:02

Dragonfly sadly she'd be delighted as shes been nagging DH to tidy up her garden. Ironically as she can't manage to garden!

I've spoken to my neighbour and he was told we had asked her to do it and stepped it at the sight of an old disabled lady balanced on a ladder with a hedge trimmer. He is very abashed and said he should have realised. I should add i live in a tighr knit estate and we all know everyone. I have a playhouse, trampoline and climbing frame so on nice days most folks end up in my garden as the kids can play while we natter. So he knew about the hedges!

MIL has responsibility for DN. SIL is alone parent who works long hours so DN is mostly looked after by MIL.

OP posts:
Nomoreboomandbust · 17/08/2017 16:15

Funnily enough I also posted opinions on doing the ironing on here and they ranged from 'do it you angel' to 'wind your neck in you interfering old bat' Grin

Op the neighbour sounds just as batty and honestly some people.

Glad your dh has helped put her back in the box and I really hope your dd is ok Flowers

Nomoreboomandbust · 17/08/2017 16:17

Oh seem your update re neighbour! Your mil is a master manipulator isn't she!

Get that key

Inertia · 17/08/2017 16:21

Bloody hell, I would be furious to come back to that. You do need to get the key back.

GreenTulips · 17/08/2017 17:09

I'd get the key back as well!

What a cheek! She doesn't even have to look at the hedge.

WhatchaMaCalllit · 17/08/2017 17:24

I think you need to ask your MIL why she felt the need to "attack the garden" as she put it. Going by what you have posted so far, you had only asked her to look after a pumpkin plant for your DS, and nothing else.
There was no need for her to go near the understairs storage or to begin doing any sort of gardening in your garden at all. Why did she feel there was a need? She was overstepping, that's why. She didn't like that your hedges were X high and she wanted them to be Y height instead and she had the nerve to rope in an unsuspecting neighbour of yours too.

Serious boundary issues here.

WhatchaMaCalllit · 17/08/2017 17:25

Sorry that should be "tackle the garden". I wasn't sure of the exact phrase you used in an earlier post.

hellejuice91 · 17/08/2017 17:27

The fact she mowed the lawn isn't really the problem (although she shouldn't be letting herself in the house without your knowledge/permission) but there is no excuse to leave it a shit tip and she should not have gone upstairs. Your OH needs to have a word with her x