To tell this mum off?

[Potterhead113]

I was on a long bus journey in central London yesterday (35 minutes) and a woman and two children got on (aged 6 and 3) and sat Behind me. After 2 minutes the 3 year old proceeded to jump up and down and scream and hit my chair. After less than 5 minutes of this I turned around and asked the mum to get the child to stop as it was annoying me and the screaming was annoying an elderly lady down the bus. 10 minutes later and the child is still doing it and mum is doing nothing. I turned around again and said 'if you won't parent your children I will' and I told the child nicely to please stop. The child stopped for the rest of their journey. The mum made noises and muttered the whole time about how rude I was and how I obviously must hate children (I don't)
WIBU?

The child stopping doesn't mean they have no SEN issues, DS has SEN issues and would have stopped in the situation described but out of fear rather than obedience and it would have impacted him later on in a violent meltdown once his fear reached breaking point. You can't diagnose/dismiss SEN based on a child listening.

And flyingfox YABU to call the mother a bitch. You weren't there, you only have the OP's word for what happened, and yet you're happy to make such a derogatory comment about a woman you know nothing about.

There are a lot of people on this thread who need to try walking a mile in someone else's shoes, it might help them to be less judgemental.

Well some people here are fine to call the OP a bitch without being there.

To summarise, you were absolutely not being unreasonable. I anticipate that kids will act up though and can't stand being near them so I sit elsewhere/move away when I can. May be worth just doing that in future op.

It is fair to politely and gently say something to the child, children often listen to a stranger when they've decided to stop listening to their parents. I work with children and there are times they'll ignore their parents but will listen to me, they're not bad children and the parents aren't weak or ineffective, it's simply children being children to be selectively ignorant now and again. What is shitty is the comment the OP made to the mother and the comments made here about the mother, completely unnecessary and mean.

Your response was humiliating and patronising op, I think you could have gone in gentler and ramped it up further along if that wasnt successful.

Well some people here are fine to call the OP a bitch without being there

Because if the OP is giving a truthful account and did actually say "if you won't parent then I'll do it for you", she was being bitchy.

People do become bitchy and lose patience when an annoying child is behind them though. If the parent had tried to calm them down the comment wouldn't have been necessary. Moving away 100% would have been better in fairness.

Tell me OP, did you look around the bus after you said it to check that as many people as possible heard you score your cheap shot?

imo sometimes it needs doing for the sake of the greater good. There are ways to do it but I imagine every way could cause offence! If children aren't really being shown how to behave in a shared world then how are they to learn and then how are they to teach when they themselves become parents? It does seem to have become a bit of a vicious circle and I'm sure many of us would prefer to see a bit more mutual respect and a bit better behaviour from some kids and some adults. It isn't long before a child who can't behave well in public is a teenager then a young adult who possibly has never learnt to behave well in public and if some of the posters haven't seen any of those I'd be very surprised ... Likewise a child who is getting away with behaving that way is a child in charge and children need boundaries, even if only to push against and learn they are protected. You're right, the OP didn't know the circumstances, but it could be the mother was feeling ill even and actually a little help from a stranger isn't always a bad thing. It can take a village to raise a child...

skittykitty

What a nasty jibe. I think OP would have preferred that there had been no need to make the 'cheap shot' in the first place.

The world is a fairer place because of people like OP and despite people like you, the putter-uppers.

Grandstanding? For objecting to be kicked in her own seat? You must live on another planet.

And blue rinse brigade? Ageist much.

What grandstanding comments have I made? Examples please?

And what did you mean by the blue rinse brigade? You may not be able to respond, but it is derogatory and ageist.

And I'm in my 30s and liberal.

I'm in my 20s not old at all and I am also a liberal. So much prejudice against the elderly and right wing there alancarr

The world is a fairer place because of people like OP and despite people like you, the putter-uppers.

missmollyhadadolly this is what you posted in response to skittykitty and this is what Skittykitty posted about her child.

The child stopping doesn't mean they have no SEN issues, DS has SEN issues and would have stopped in the situation described but out of fear rather than obedience and it would have impacted him later on in a violent meltdown once his fear reached breaking point. You can't diagnose/dismiss SEN based on a child listening.

She is talking about raising her own ds who has special needs and your response is that she is a putter-upper. Wow words fail me I hope you didn't mean it and your better than that. A cheap shot is easy to give and its easy to judge with out knowing the facts.

Well done OP. If more of us had the gumption to speak up when rude, inconsiderate parents behave like this maybe they would eventually get the message and we wouldn't have to put up with spoilt, screamy kids annoying everyone in restaurants and other public places, and entitled/lazy/oblivious parents who won't do anything about it.

YANBU.

Oh yes, 'infantile posting'
Clearly mnet also disagree with it too alancarr

was not your place to do it. Children are noisy, they do jump around. Public transport is just that-for the public, not just you.
Kids shouldn't be jumping around on peoples seats.
So the child may have sen or invisable disabilities what about other passengers?
I have to use public transport, i couldn't have someone kicking the back of my seat, neither should i.

HorridHenry your attempt at obfuscation is pathetic.

The post below by Skitty is the one I called a nasty jibe.

Tell me OP, did you look around the bus after you said it to check that as many people as possible heard you score your cheap shot?

People with sen or other invisible disabilities should stay at home and never come out because of people's ignorance.

A child kicking the back of my chair wouldn't bother me because I have so much more to worry and think about. I feel sorry for the mum and the op bus fares in London are expensive now. London is a money trap and people are going to be cantankerous. I left London 12 years ago and where I live now people say hello to each other and line up in an orderly cue to get on the bus. Its more relaxed where I live you can bring the kids up with out fear of abuse.

Is that your excuse missmolly you should try reading more then rather than picking and choosing.

HorridHenry your attempt at obfuscation is pathetic.

Your blaming me for your lack of reading.

Did op ever come back to this thread? I don't think telling someone else's kid off on a bus is a 'village raising a child'. Surely that phrase means people supporting each other? Op got annoyed, told a woman off, then told her kid off. The merits of the way in which she choose to do it are debatable but it wasn't particularly supportive.

It is fair to politely and gently say something to the child, children often listen to a stranger when they've decided to stop listening to their parents. I work with children and there are times they'll ignore their parents but will listen to me, they're not bad children and the parents aren't weak or ineffective, it's simply children being children to be selectively ignorant now and again. What is shitty is the comment the OP made to the mother and the comments made here about the mother, completely unnecessary and mean.

This is such a good post it is worth repeating

*^You're not your