To tell this mum off?

[Potterhead113]

I was on a long bus journey in central London yesterday (35 minutes) and a woman and two children got on (aged 6 and 3) and sat Behind me. After 2 minutes the 3 year old proceeded to jump up and down and scream and hit my chair. After less than 5 minutes of this I turned around and asked the mum to get the child to stop as it was annoying me and the screaming was annoying an elderly lady down the bus. 10 minutes later and the child is still doing it and mum is doing nothing. I turned around again and said 'if you won't parent your children I will' and I told the child nicely to please stop. The child stopped for the rest of their journey. The mum made noises and muttered the whole time about how rude I was and how I obviously must hate children (I don't)
WIBU?

[SerfTerf]

Is this a new summary, truth and reconciliation service you're offering millie? 😄

Do we nominate threads in need of it by PM?

[milliemolliemou]

So are we agreed?

OP was right to ask the mother to tell DC not to kick the back of her seat.

After 10 minutes, this hadn't happened.

OP makes unempathetic and sneery comment "if you don't parent your child, I will." Massive thumbs down because she doesn't understand what the mother is dealing with.

However OP then tells the child who stops banging the back of the seat. Cheers all round. Possibly also from elderly lady who was also being disturbed by the noise and fracas. Possibly also from child's mother (apart from being upset by the slur) who was glad her child was finally quiet.

Any more to be said.

[Skylander01]

I used to get some awful stares when my DS was acting up because I wasn't disciplining him. I was actually ignoring the bad behaviour. This is what I do - lead by example, encourage and congratulate good behaviour and ignore bad. Believe me - I'd I had tried to discipline him it would have been a lot worse and a lot more upsetting for everyone nearby. Just a theory?
However as a harsh word from a stranger does sometimes shock a child into behaving I would have been grateful for the help! Better than the looks and tuts everywhere.

[kali110]

having your seat kicked on an almost-empty bus is annoying, it's not going to kill you.
No, it wouldn't kill me, but it would leave me in more pain than im already in everyday.

The op probably didn't word it best and could have been nicer, but having your seat kicked when you're not disabled is irritating enough, especially when you've asked it to stop.

[PodgeBod]

In my opinion, whether or not you are going through a hard time or have PND the wellbeing of strangers in public is far more important and you should address your children that you chose to have as such.*
The wellbeing of strangers having your seat kicked on an almost-empty bus is annoying, it's not going to kill you.

*Also I do not see the need to go to church, being religious does not make you a good person and I think I have enough empathy for those who need it. PND should not impact on your ability to stop your children being disruptive.

No, you do need to work on your empathy and your understanding of mental health if you think PND should not impact on somebody's parenting. You clearly don't have children (you would have said by now if you did) so why don't you consider that you have no idea what that woman might be dealing with.
I'm sure if it was less of an easy target you would not have been making spiteful comments. But since it was just a mother and child, you decided to get your kicks putting someone else down.

[bakedbeansandtuna]

I would have given you a round of applause OP.

[Mycarsmellsoflavender]

YANBU - she had the chance, didn't take it, she sounds like she is hopeless and not coping - you did her a favour.

By criticising and humiliating her? I'm sure that'll do wonders for her self esteem if she's struggling to cope.

Absolutely fine to speak directly to the child and ask her to stop. Not fine to criticise the adult's parenting skills. I don't like the terminology you used - you were not ' parenting ' the child - you were telling her to stop.

[HorridHenryrule]

Missmolly

You posted the putter-uppers she has a child with sen.

[HorridHenryrule]

Misdymolly read the thread properly and try to understand what people are talking about.

[HorridHenryrule]

Misdymolly read the thread properly and try to understand what people are talking about.

[woodhill]

I'd be really p**d off if a dc was kicking my seat on public transport. Could the dc not have any boundaries possibly. Why is SN always thrown in.

[missmollyhadadolly]

Is that your excuse missmolly you should try reading more then rather than picking and choosing.

What on earth are you actually on about, Horrid? I've told you which post I was responding to. Go and try your keyboard warrior-ing on someone else.

And I don't believe you that someone kicking the back of your seat wouldn't bother you.

[HorridHenryrule]

*^You're not your

[bumblingbovine49]

It is fair to politely and gently say something to the child, children often listen to a stranger when they've decided to stop listening to their parents. I work with children and there are times they'll ignore their parents but will listen to me, they're not bad children and the parents aren't weak or ineffective, it's simply children being children to be selectively ignorant now and again. What is shitty is the comment the OP made to the mother and the comments made here about the mother, completely unnecessary and mean.

This is such a good post it is worth repeating

[MrsBobDylan]

Did op ever come back to this thread? I don't think telling someone else's kid off on a bus is a 'village raising a child'. Surely that phrase means people supporting each other? Op got annoyed, told a woman off, then told her kid off. The merits of the way in which she choose to do it are debatable but it wasn't particularly supportive.

[HorridHenryrule]

HorridHenry your attempt at obfuscation is pathetic.

Your blaming me for your lack of reading.

[HorridHenryrule]

Is that your excuse missmolly you should try reading more then rather than picking and choosing.

[HorridHenryrule]

People with sen or other invisible disabilities should stay at home and never come out because of people's ignorance.

A child kicking the back of my chair wouldn't bother me because I have so much more to worry and think about. I feel sorry for the mum and the op bus fares in London are expensive now. London is a money trap and people are going to be cantankerous. I left London 12 years ago and where I live now people say hello to each other and line up in an orderly cue to get on the bus. Its more relaxed where I live you can bring the kids up with out fear of abuse.

[missmollyhadadolly]

HorridHenry your attempt at obfuscation is pathetic.

The post below by Skitty is the one I called a nasty jibe.

Tell me OP, did you look around the bus after you said it to check that as many people as possible heard you score your cheap shot?

[kali110]

Oh yes, 'infantile posting'
Clearly mnet also disagree with it too alancarr

was not your place to do it. Children are noisy, they do jump around. Public transport is just that-for the public, not just you.
Kids shouldn't be jumping around on peoples seats.
So the child may have sen or invisable disabilities what about other passengers?
I have to use public transport, i couldn't have someone kicking the back of my seat, neither should i.

[user1485342611]

Well done OP. If more of us had the gumption to speak up when rude, inconsiderate parents behave like this maybe they would eventually get the message and we wouldn't have to put up with spoilt, screamy kids annoying everyone in restaurants and other public places, and entitled/lazy/oblivious parents who won't do anything about it.

YANBU.

[HorridHenryrule]

The world is a fairer place because of people like OP and despite people like you, the putter-uppers.

missmollyhadadolly this is what you posted in response to skittykitty and this is what Skittykitty posted about her child.

The child stopping doesn't mean they have no SEN issues, DS has SEN issues and would have stopped in the situation described but out of fear rather than obedience and it would have impacted him later on in a violent meltdown once his fear reached breaking point. You can't diagnose/dismiss SEN based on a child listening.

She is talking about raising her own ds who has special needs and your response is that she is a putter-upper. Wow words fail me I hope you didn't mean it and your better than that. A cheap shot is easy to give and its easy to judge with out knowing the facts.

[Potterhead113]

I'm in my 20s not old at all and I am also a liberal. So much prejudice against the elderly and right wing there alancarr

[missmollyhadadolly]

What grandstanding comments have I made? Examples please?

And what did you mean by the blue rinse brigade? You may not be able to respond, but it is derogatory and ageist.

And I'm in my 30s and liberal.