Skip to main content
Skip to main navigation
Skip to talk navigation

Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Saved Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9

AIBU?

To tell this mum off?

212 replies

Potterhead113 · 16/08/2017 15:10

I was on a long bus journey in central London yesterday (35 minutes) and a woman and two children got on (aged 6 and 3) and sat Behind me. After 2 minutes the 3 year old proceeded to jump up and down and scream and hit my chair. After less than 5 minutes of this I turned around and asked the mum to get the child to stop as it was annoying me and the screaming was annoying an elderly lady down the bus. 10 minutes later and the child is still doing it and mum is doing nothing. I turned around again and said 'if you won't parent your children I will' and I told the child nicely to please stop. The child stopped for the rest of their journey. The mum made noises and muttered the whole time about how rude I was and how I obviously must hate children (I don't)
WIBU?

OP posts:

Report

Potterhead113 · 16/08/2017 21:18

To the people saying I'm lying. I don't like confrontation when it is unnecessary but that I think was necessary. I can't stand people who think their children are angels and won't bother to do anything about their disruptive and unruly behaviour.

OP posts:

AwaywiththePixies27 · 16/08/2017 21:35

Dont worry Potterhead the ones who read your post properly understand.

SerfTerf · 16/08/2017 21:44

Don't be so passive aggressive @Awaywiththepixies.

No amount of reading the OP makes "I'm going to parent your DC because you won't" a faintly reasonable thing to a stranger on a bus.

Yes the parent should be controlling her DC but she wasn't.

Of course asking them to stop is okay.

Of course moving shouldn't be necessary.

Of course saying something arseholey takes you over the line and makes you sound like an arsehole.

If people don't listen first time, you can't just talk to them however you like, "lose your shit" or whatever the other suggestions were.

AwaywiththePixies27 · 16/08/2017 21:50

I'm not being PA , I'm being honest.

A lot are piling in on the OP saying they should have spoke to the Mum first/ spoke to the child first.

They did both.

Just so happens some parents dont give a shit.

SerfTerf · 16/08/2017 21:54

How can you be "honest" about whether someone else has read "properly" away?

What you're saying is that anyone who disagrees with you must have deficient reading and comprehension abilities. That's pretty arrogant.

AwaywiththePixies27 · 16/08/2017 21:55

If people don't listen first time, you can't just talk to them however you like, "lose your shit" or whatever the other suggestions were.

Well no. But I'm guessing it was the umpteenth time of trying to get the Mum or the DC to listen that tipped the OP over the edge. Unreasonable? Well of course. Understandable to an extent? Yes.

I prefer not to say anything. Because I'm too busy parenting my own kids to have to parent other peoples kids because they can't be arsed to. What other people choose to do is up to them, but if bus lady has a child who happens to not do anything about her kid kicking the shit out of another passengers chair, someone would have said something eventually anyway.

jacks11 · 16/08/2017 21:55

It wasn't unreasonable to be annoyed, or to ask mum to get her child to stop. It wasn't unreasonable to tackle it again by asking the child to stop when nothing changed.

HOWEVER I think if you won't parent your children I will line is completely condescending- you could have got the same outcome without saying it, by just asking the child to stop. Not only that, it is unlikely to be effective- if you get people's backs up by being condescending/patronising, they'll just get defensive and/or think you're being a utter prat and will then ignore anything you've said. In some situations, you may end up getting a mouthful back.

It does annoy me when parents don't address their child's bad behaviour (and even the most well behaved children have their moments), I just think there was a better way to handle it.

SerfTerf · 16/08/2017 21:59

Unreasonable? Well of course. Understandable to an extent? Yes.

This is AIBU. The "Am I being understandable to an extent" board is somewhere else

3EyedRaven · 16/08/2017 21:59

I just think you swooped in like the God of Parenting with your patronising one liner to polish it off. Then you've come on here looking for your pat on the back (which you'll get, there's a few of your type here) for the 'awesome' job you've done restoring civility and order on the bus. Yawn

AwaywiththePixies27 · 16/08/2017 22:00

jacks11 she did ask the child to stop.

YoungGirlGrowingOld · 16/08/2017 22:08

NBU - maybe the snarky comment was a bit unnecessary but you were right to step in. The only time I have done it (to a child sucking sweets from the Pic & Mix in a shop and then putting them back) it didn't end well. Some parents think their saintly DC can do no wrong....

kalinkafoxtrot45 · 16/08/2017 22:10

You were fine. The woman was being a twat for not making the slightest attempt to get her child to behave, and you addressed her first.

jacks11 · 16/08/2017 22:15

Awaywiththepixies: I know she did (after asking mum to do something). I think speaking to the child when mum failed to control the bad behaviour was reasonable. I agree the mum was in the wrong.

But OP did not need to come out with "if you won't parent your child, I will" in my opinion. I don't think it was required. All she needed to say to the child (after mum ignored her request to deal with her child's behaviour) was "please will you stop kicking my seat and shouting" or something along those lines.

Her turn of phrase is in my opinion a bit melodramatic and unnecessarily patronising. Not only that, it is highly unlikely to make the mum think "oops, got that wrong" or even consider that she may be in the wrong. When you are OTT and condescending, other people tend to switch off and not listen/take in any of the valid points you might have.

It's nothing to do with not liking assertive woman- I think I am quite assertive. I just don't think this was the right way to handle this situation.

HorridHenryrule · 17/08/2017 02:15

I would have asked the child to stop. It's surprising how often it works and the mother is grateful.

It takes a village...

Finally a bit of common sense that I have read on this thread.

HorridHenryrule · 17/08/2017 02:20

When I was pregnant my kids were being unruly the shop keeper came over and told them to behave. I was grateful to him they weren't listening to me and they stopped.

HorridHenryrule · 17/08/2017 02:23

I can't stand people who think their children are angels and won't bother to do anything about their disruptive and unruly behaviour.

I hope that sentence doesn't come back to bite you on the arse when you have your kids. Especially at the end of the day with a toddler who may be going through the terrible two's.

FlyingFox95 · 17/08/2017 03:27

Tbh I always move away from children anyway but if it wasn't possible and I was in your situation I would have absolutely done the same thing, yanbu at all

mctat · 17/08/2017 06:24

Of course it was fine to say something, and of course it's not okay to let your children kick and annoy anyone, whatever the circumstances. If nothing else, it's unfair on the children.

However, OP, your attitude stinks. The 'if you won't parent your children I will' and 'can't stand people who think their children are angels and won't bother to do anything about their disruptive and unruly behaviour.' are very telling.

It's not the fault of the children. And you know nothing about the mother's situation. It's okay to be a bit surprised when people don't do as we would, but kind people have an awareness that we're not all the same, and not everyone had a great parenting model / the same opportunities as each other.

rider1975 · 17/08/2017 06:46

Bravo OP - storm in a teacup

Neutrogena · 17/08/2017 08:14

The mother was probably scared of doing something called Performance Parenting so didn't do anything

3EyedRaven · 17/08/2017 08:50

Neutrogena There's a big difference between talking to your children, and performance parenting.
It's all in the tone. And the glances to ensure everyone's watching.

HorridHenryrule · 17/08/2017 13:32

Op needs to go to church and learn about empathy and care towards others. The op doesn't know what she would do as she doesn't have kids herself. We're all fantastic parents before we have kids "I wouldn't do that". For all you know you could get PND which isn't a nice thing to go through.

Don’t want to miss threads like this?

Weekly

Sign up to our weekly round up and get all the best threads sent straight to your inbox!

Email address

Log in to update your newsletter preferences.

You've subscribed!

Potterhead113 · 17/08/2017 13:54

In my opinion, whether or not you are going through a hard time or have PND the wellbeing of strangers in public is far more important and you should address your children that you chose to have as such. Also I do not see the need to go to church, being religious does not make you a good person and I think I have enough empathy for those who need it. PND should not impact on your ability to stop your children being disruptive.

OP posts:

FlyingFox95 · 17/08/2017 14:05

Hahahahaha go to church.

Booboo66 · 17/08/2017 14:13

I'd appreciate it if someone did that. 4 yo DD is in a delightful phase where if I tell her not to do something she'll do it all the more where as if a stranger was to tell her she'd be so horrified she'd likely stop! I dot think the comment about parenting the child was necessary though. You could have been far more polite!

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.