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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To tell this mum off?

212 replies

Potterhead113 · 16/08/2017 15:10

I was on a long bus journey in central London yesterday (35 minutes) and a woman and two children got on (aged 6 and 3) and sat Behind me. After 2 minutes the 3 year old proceeded to jump up and down and scream and hit my chair. After less than 5 minutes of this I turned around and asked the mum to get the child to stop as it was annoying me and the screaming was annoying an elderly lady down the bus. 10 minutes later and the child is still doing it and mum is doing nothing. I turned around again and said 'if you won't parent your children I will' and I told the child nicely to please stop. The child stopped for the rest of their journey. The mum made noises and muttered the whole time about how rude I was and how I obviously must hate children (I don't)
WIBU?

OP posts:
woodhill · 17/08/2017 20:23

Which Stan Barstow novel Sty? Like his novels

Lovingit81 · 17/08/2017 20:27

You sound arrogant OP Get over yourself. You said your piece, and it was fine. If you didn't feel guilty why come on here asking for praise. You were OTT

Sushi123 · 17/08/2017 20:29

Well done OP . I'm the parent of a toddler, I would have no issue with this if my child was upsetting other people

Layla8 · 17/08/2017 21:24

You did the right thing. Children need boundaries, they should not be allowed to annoy other people. Learning respect for others is something the Mother should have been teaching them. Pity their poor teachers when they start school.

supermoon100 · 17/08/2017 22:13

Yabu, it's public transport, she may not have been a good parent in your eyes but 35 mins of your life is hardly a long journey!

Jesswhi · 17/08/2017 22:23

Why do we all think children in this day and age are above being told how to behave by anyone other than their parents?

I'm sure as a child I can remember being reminded by someone other than a close relative that my actions were wrong!

No wonder kids grow up with no respect for adults or anyone else when no one dares challenge their bad behaviour.

We're all for encouraging peer support in the class room but surely this extends to the outside world?!!

Well done op as long as you were polite and not unreasonable I think you did totally the right thing.

Original poster
Potterhead113 · 17/08/2017 22:27

35 minutes on a bus in central London is classed as a long bus journey.

OP posts:
supermoon100 · 17/08/2017 22:30

I consider an hour on a bus in central London a long journey. 35 min is small fry

HorridHenryrule · 17/08/2017 23:24

Some of you may be grateful and so would I but would you appreciate some one saying "'if you won't parent your children I will". Come on be realistic.

HorridHenryrule · 17/08/2017 23:26

The Op knows she was a Bitch for saying it.

PeapodBurgundy · 18/08/2017 00:06

I'd be both angry and upset if somebody told DS off to be honest. That being said, I don't let him make a huge mess/noise/fuss if I can help it (if he is it's because I've not managed to calm/sooth/entertain him, not because I'm not trying, and I take him out where I can). We rarely go to places that aren't toddler friendly, so noise is to be expected so I don't need to worry too much.

It's reactions like this from people that worry me when we're out and about. I'm a complete shithouse and can't handle anything that has the vaguest wiff of a confrontation. I would hope I'd never be as rude as to ignore DS causing a disturbance so I hope nobody ever needs to comment she hopes with wild optimism Confused

nursy1 · 18/08/2017 00:26

I think it was NBu to tell off the child but not great to parent shame in that way. Sometimes when struggling with our kids on a bad day I would have loved it if some one had just spoken up and backed me in front of them. Maybe on that particular day she was having a bad time or grappling with something you knew nothing about.

Skittykitty · 18/08/2017 00:58

Exactly nursy. Maybe it had been a long day, the kids are in one of those moods where they simply won't listen, she's had to constantly tell them off all day and is at the end of her fucking rope so they're heading home, tired and done in. 3yo starts acting like an arsehole on the bus, who here hasn't done the inward "for fucks sake" sigh before addressing it? I know there are times when my children misbehave and I need to have a moment to take a deep breath and summon up every last scrap of rationality before I speak to them about it othereise I'd probably just shriek in wordless dismay.

Politely tell the 3yo to stop what they're doing but there's absolutely no need to shame the mother or invite gleeful comments about how she's obviously s shit parent, that she isn't coping, that she's ineffective and can't manage. Some parents can't cope with challenging behaviour either as a one off (long day, as described) or as a long term situation (e.g., child with behavioural issues, parent with mental health issues, parent struggling with parenting skills, etc). We should be supporting other parents, not shaming them and then gloating about how superior it makes us feel about our own parenting.

timeisnotaline · 18/08/2017 01:04

I wouldn't have said the parenting part. It seems unnecessary and very unkind when you have no idea what her life is like. I'd have judged you more than the mum if I heard that.

Dustbunny1900 · 18/08/2017 01:05

No real opinion but msovertheroad that gave me quite the chuckle 😂

timeisnotaline · 18/08/2017 01:09

Actually now I've read more of the ops comments and I see that apparently pnd is no excuse for letting your perfect parenting standards slip. I assume you think that is what healthcare professionals should tell struggling mums? For gods sake woman, brush her hair, tie her shoe laces and tell her to sit quietly on a bus! What do you mean you want medication?!

Forget I suggested being kind. You don't sound familiar with the concept.

38cody · 18/08/2017 07:36

I would like to hear the parents side of the story - I'm sure she wasn't doing nothing.
Also you have no idea what the child's story was - for instance maybe dad had died and mum was dropping her off at grandmas for the first time since and she was distraught with seperation anxiety, maybe she was autistic and having s meltdown, maybe she had a violent toothache.
Sometimes some kids just lose the plot - you sound judgemental and mean to me - you didn't know the whole situation and you should have moved.
I don't believe that the parent did nothing yet as soon as you muttered your magic words the child who was out of control just stopped, I just don't believe that is an honest account op.

3EyedRaven · 18/08/2017 08:08

Cracking up that some people are pretending that they'd be grateful for someone to call them a shit parent on the bus Grin

balsamicbarbara · 18/08/2017 08:34

Yet if she had restrained her child to stop it annoying you at all costs there'd be another thread on here about what an evil mother she was..

Springprim · 18/08/2017 08:45

You don't know what sort of day that mother has had. People seem so quick to judge the behaviour of other people's children. It was not your place to do it. Children are noisy, they do jump around. Public transport is just that-for the public, not just you.

FlyingFox95 · 18/08/2017 08:46

The op gave the mother a chance to parent her child and she chose not to. There is a bitch and it's not the op. Good on you.

lotsofconfuse · 18/08/2017 08:51

You could have worded it better not to sound like such an arse. For someone who thinks they are entitled to parent others children how they deem fit, tact is clearly not your strong point.

Spikeyball · 18/08/2017 08:55

Fine to tell the child to stop doing it if the mother didn't seem to care about. There was no need for the parenting comment and it made you sound like an arse.

DutchSparkle · 18/08/2017 09:02

I don't think YABU. You approached the parent first and she did nothing. You spoke to the child and she stopped so no SEN issues. Sounds like the mother needed to be a mum.

meowmeowmeow · 18/08/2017 09:08

They say it takes a village to raise a child and if a parent is allowing a child to be a hooligan, and making no effort to control them, then it is fair to say something - for the benefit of everyone else.

If you live in a society then you have to have consideration for other people.

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