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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to say I don't want her near my son?!

273 replies

Libbywx · 16/08/2017 09:00

SO a few weeks ago we had a christening for my son. Long and short of the family drama is I really dislike my fiancee brothers girlfriend. Main reason is she once put pictures on fb of her with my son sat on the sofa with her staffy cross alsatian (cross they say "American bull dog" that screams pit bull to me but I'm no dog breeder.)

Anyway at the christening she didn't speak to me because she knows better. What she did was pester my partners mum to let her feed my son a cupcake (a cupcake??? He's 7mo.) To which my partners mum eventually said "ask his mum" she did... I said no and she did it anyway.

So now I really dislike her. Blood boiling kind of dislike. When we go away for the night in September my son is staying with the in-laws.... SO do I say I don't want her coming round and being around him? Or is that really crappy of me?

OP posts:
19lottie82 · 16/08/2017 09:05

She sounds a bit of an idiot but for the sake of family relations can you not have a word with your in laws and ask them to be vigilant at all times?

It's not going to go down too well if you insist on a total ban, is it?

The dog thing isn't grey by is the cup cake thing really such a big deal?

19lottie82 · 16/08/2017 09:06

PS what does your DP say?

NancyJoan · 16/08/2017 09:08

Unfortunately, you can't dictate who goes to their house. Can he stay with your parents instead?

2014newme · 16/08/2017 09:10

I wouldn't let him stay with the in laws. No wY would I let him be exposed to that dig. She sounds a total idiot, is she a teenager?

Soubriquet · 16/08/2017 09:10

I must say you sound a bit PFB

It's a cupcake.'its not going to hurt him

And American bulldogs are a real breed and not a pitbull.

kkkkaty123 · 16/08/2017 09:11

She asked and you said no. I would have gone mad.

DearMrDilkington · 16/08/2017 09:11

What has she actually done that's bad enough for NC?

The dog clearly wasn't a threat to your ds, the cupcake isn't great but not the end of the world.

Maelstrop · 16/08/2017 09:12

How come she has unrestricted access to your child, on her sofa, with her dog? And how, at his christening, did she manage to stuff a cupcake down him? Can't you just speak to her and bollock her for things you're uncomfortable with?

She was told no to the cupcake yet did it anyway, so approach her and say 'I said no, my child, my rules'. Easy solution, be vigilant, don't allow her sole access.

Original poster
Libbywx · 16/08/2017 09:14

Its not the cupcake... Its the fact I said No that bugs me so much.

I don't want him in close proximity to dogs especially seeing as though this dog is a rescue and they've only had him a few weeks.

Yep she's a teenager. You're so right I can't dictate who goes to their house but I'm so uncomfortable with the situation!

OP posts:
GinIsIn · 16/08/2017 09:16

Wow, you sound lovely... Hmm Unclench. If you carry on wanting to find things to hate her for you are going to cause a family rift.

Original poster
Libbywx · 16/08/2017 09:16

And on the subject of why does she have sole access... she was at my in-laws and brought the dog with her. X

OP posts:
DearMrDilkington · 16/08/2017 09:16

Why don't you want him around dogs? Animals are brilliant for children, studies have found kids who grow up with pets have less allergies and a better immune system.

If she's only a teenager then stop letting her babysit your ds when she clearly isn't ready to.

WorraLiberty · 16/08/2017 09:17

What has your partner said to her about all this?

ButtHoleinOne · 16/08/2017 09:17

I must say you sound a bit PFB
She really doesn't. Not even slightly. I'm not even slightly precious about children's food and even I'm horrified that anyone would feed a 7 month old a cupcake. But that's not actually the point.

The point is she said no and this bizarre woman did it anyway. Imagine it was something you cared about, you'd laugh it off when your parenting choices were disregarded? How wet is that. Be a parent.

As to leaving a baby with a big dog and it's huge jaw, that's just stupid. I know dog people think their dogs are their babies, but not everyone else does.

DearMrDilkington · 16/08/2017 09:17

So the in laws were there to? I'm sure they made sure the dog was fine with children first.

Your being really ott about this.

ButtHoleinOne · 16/08/2017 09:18

Why don't you want him around dogs? Animals are brilliant for children

Show me a study that says newly had rescue dogs are great for unknown babies. Hmm

DearMrDilkington · 16/08/2017 09:19

As to leaving a baby with a big dog and it's huge jaw, that's just stupid.

Ah yes those big jaws, I forgot how dogs are the sharks of the land.

Don't be ridiculous. A very very small % of dogs will harm a child, your child is more likely to be harmed by a family member or a close friend than a dog.

ButtHoleinOne · 16/08/2017 09:19

My friend recently had her cat ripped killed by a rescue dog. She was told he he was great with children and cats by the centre. Hmm

shivermytimbers · 16/08/2017 09:19

I think that maybe you are over reacting a bit. Was your son being supervised carefully when he was photographed with the dog? Is the dog used to children and was there someone in control of the dog in the picture? If so, that would be different to a dog who was roaming around freely and unsupervised with a baby, I think.
Ultimately, I don't think you would be reasonable to tell your PIL who to have in their home, but you could explain your worries about the dog and ask them to be extra vigilant around it.
If they are not the sort of people who you can trust to look after your baby properly, then I would definitely reconsider leaving them in charge.

mummmy2017 · 16/08/2017 09:20

Can you sit and explain to your In-laws how worried you are about the dog, and the girl's lack of commonsense around your baby.
As that should the dog come to the house it is outside, as baby's and dogs don't make you happy.
Also that your worried she will feed him something and he could choke.
Tell them if they can't do this to PROTECT their Grandchild, and you know they will, that maybe they can see why you would worry about leaving them INCHARGE of your child....
Tell them you know your a worry wart, but you just love your son so much and your scared...

ButtHoleinOne · 16/08/2017 09:20

Yes unknown dogs are totally safe. Hmm

Op tell this woman/girl that she's not to touch your baby. I'd reconsider letting the baby be babysat by pil as well as they're clearly not looking after the child properly.

Original poster
Libbywx · 16/08/2017 09:21

ButtHoleinOne -- thanks for getting it!!!! :-)

I probably am slightly OTT but he's my first and I'm entitled to be, I want to do what I think is right for him and parent my way.

OP posts:
DearMrDilkington · 16/08/2017 09:21

Anyway op, cause a huge family row over a cupcake and a dog that did no harm. You clearly just don't like the girl in general.

I'm off, the dogs are killers gang will advice you.

ButtHoleinOne · 16/08/2017 09:22

very very small % of dogs will harm a child, your child is more likely to be harmed by a family member or a close friend than a dog.

Wouldn't leave my baby with a family member I'd only just met either. Hmm bare minimum to expect with a potentially dangerous dog.

PodgeBod · 16/08/2017 09:23

Yeah she sounds like a bit of an idiot to be honest but I don't think banning her from the baby is a good idea. Will mil listen if you bring up these issues and say you don't want the baby unsupervised in her care?

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