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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to say I don't want her near my son?!

273 replies

Libbywx · 16/08/2017 09:00

SO a few weeks ago we had a christening for my son. Long and short of the family drama is I really dislike my fiancee brothers girlfriend. Main reason is she once put pictures on fb of her with my son sat on the sofa with her staffy cross alsatian (cross they say "American bull dog" that screams pit bull to me but I'm no dog breeder.)

Anyway at the christening she didn't speak to me because she knows better. What she did was pester my partners mum to let her feed my son a cupcake (a cupcake??? He's 7mo.) To which my partners mum eventually said "ask his mum" she did... I said no and she did it anyway.

So now I really dislike her. Blood boiling kind of dislike. When we go away for the night in September my son is staying with the in-laws.... SO do I say I don't want her coming round and being around him? Or is that really crappy of me?

OP posts:
SukiTheDog · 16/08/2017 10:14

And I agree with other posters. If you don't trust your inlaws to do what you want, you can't send baby to them alone. Visit with, not alone. He's your most precious thing. That's it. Don't apologise.

Madonna9 · 16/08/2017 10:15

First of all, congratulations with your son!

Ssecondly, I totally get your point!
However, I'd discuss your concerns with your in-laws. Make sure they know what you want your DS to eat/do/etcetera. And make sure they know they are in charge, no one else.

PandorasXbox · 16/08/2017 10:15

Tell all concerned that you don't want the baby left with the dog or him fed cake.

Then be an adult about everything else.

SleepingStandingUp · 16/08/2017 10:16

Ok so your in-laws had him and their sons g brought a dog round and they posed them for a photo.

Then at his christening he was sat with the inlaws and despite you saying no they let her feed the baby a cake?

The issue is your inlaws. Stop leaving him with them if you don't trust them

AtSea1979 · 16/08/2017 10:21

You clearly don't like this woman do you. Where was the fiances brother when the dog photo was taken? Or the PILs since it was their sofa? Seems you are directing everything towards one person and that's quite nasty. The cupcake was rude but it's not totally unheard of for a relative to feed a baby junk at their christening. Where was your fiances brother then? Or in fact anyone, since she had time to feed a 7 month old a full cupcake. 7 month olds aren't exactly quick eaters.

LoneStarRising · 16/08/2017 10:22

She's a teenager showing off her 'being amazing with a baby skills'.

And the OP's allowed not to like someone.

alwaysbsharp · 16/08/2017 10:25

I don't agree with "it's only a cupcake, it won't hurt him". The baby has only been having solids for four weeks and has is developing his taste buds and has been overloaded with sugar. I would be furious and I would not let my child anywhere near someone who is that disrespectful by not listening to the mother.

The dog is a completely different level though. How fucking dare she. A rescue dog. I would be finding every single article on babies who have died or who have been disfigured by seemingly harmless dogs and shoving them in her face whilst telling her to fuck the fuck off. All it takes is for inquisitive little fingers to hurt the dog and your life could change forever. I would refuse to have your baby stay with your in laws unless they comply. Your fiancé needs to back you up on this. Why does a teenager's views trump any common sense?

dollypoodle · 16/08/2017 10:26

It depends how responsible your in-laws are. Your concerns about the dog are totally sensible and I wouldn't leave my child with the grandparents unless I was certain they think the same way.The girl can have no idea how the dog might react and I speak as a dog lover with my eighth rescue dog lying at my feet.
My friends rehomed a beautiful dog but a week later for no apparent reason it bit a neighbour who had come into the house for a chat and to admire the dog.

SleepingStandingUp · 16/08/2017 10:29

Also Anyway at the christening she didn't speak to me because she knows better
So what happened before the christening?

Nomoreboomandbust · 16/08/2017 10:31

Butt how horrific for your friend.

Op I get you here. I have my grand daughter regularly and no way on earth would I leave her with our tiny yorkie or the cat unless I am there.

I would assume a baby could choke on a cup cake.

This teenager sees your child as a doll to photo and play with sure she's not malicious just immature but in the light of your inlaws allowing this I wouldn't be leaving my child with them.

You have to trust someone 100% to leave a baby this young

gizmosslave · 16/08/2017 10:37

I'm sorry but if she is old enough to be engaged then I don't think the fact that she's a teenager is a problem? Everybody seems to be focusing on that.

llangennith · 16/08/2017 10:38

YANBU and it would be prudent to speak to your DP's parents about the GF's behaviour. Say you don't want the dog in the same room as your son. If they think YABU then you need to rethink your babysitting arrangements for the future.
BTW I'd have been very annoyed if anyone disregarded my decisions on what my DC should or shouldn't eat when they were babies or even older.

RainyApril · 16/08/2017 10:38

You hadn't asked her not to introduce your baby to the dog, so she did a stupid thing but not an intentionally malicious thing, yet your response to it sounds disproportionate and left her 'knowing better than to try to talk to you' at a big family event.

The cupcake is different because she ignored your explicit instructions.

I don't think you can tell people who they are allowed to have in their home, and you are starting a family feud with your potential future sister-in-law that could have repercussions for many people over many years.

I would ask your PIL to watch your baby like a hawk when this girl is around because she doesn't make good choices, isn't used to babies and disregards your rules.

Original poster
Libbywx · 16/08/2017 10:40

Answers to your questions:
She's 18
He appeared unsupervised on pictures but to say he was would be an assumption
Partner agrees with me
PILs so nice they wouldn't say no to the girl and that is why my situation is difficult because theyre so nice!

To the lovely lady who said I should look after him myself I would like to point out it is important for him to interact with grandparents and spend time. This site is for advice not judgement!

Thanks to all of you for your support I feel happier to speak to all parties now that I have been given a new perspective on things. Thanks ladies 😊

OP posts:
Gorgosparta · 16/08/2017 10:42

He wasnt unsupervised you clearly said she was with him. The photo was of her with your son.

Main reason is she once put pictures on fb of her with my son sat on the sofa with her staffy cross alsatian (cross they say "American bull dog" that screams pit bull to me but I'm no dog breeder.)

MagicMoneyTree · 16/08/2017 10:48

I don't think you're being unreasonable at all.

Do people really feed their 7mo babies cupcakes?? I didn't think I was precious about food, but at that age he's only been on solids for a month! I don't know anyone who'd be happy with their 7mo eating cupcakes.

I also don't think the op is being precious about not having her baby sharing a sofa with someone else's dog. My MIL's dog is soft as anything, but it wouldn't be allowed to share a sofa with DS and they're never left alone together. Everyone is in agreement about that - I don't want my PFB getting hurt and they don't want to have to get rid of their beloved dog.

However, you really can't dictate to your MIL who she allows in her home. It's not really about the cupcake or the dog, there will always be something and you can't predict what it will be, so "no cupcakes, no dog" won't be enough - even "food rules, pet rules" won't be enough. Boundaries will be pushed somehow and imo the only way you can really control it is by not leaving your DS with MIL. In your exact situation I would cancel the event that required the childcare and keep my baby at home with me.

VikingVolva · 16/08/2017 10:50

"To the lovely lady who said I should look after him myself I would like to point out it is important for him to interact with grandparents and spend time"

That's true, but they do not have to have solemcharge timachieve that end. So you do look after him yourself, but going with him to visit his GPs , or his DDad goes with him (I'm assuming you trust your DFiance with solemcharge)

RainyApril · 16/08/2017 10:54

Just seen that she's only 18. I've got two teens about that age and they can be daft as brushes, and always think they're right. It sounds like she's fond of your baby, and would probably be mortified to receive an outright ban. It sounds like you've got a plan to handle it op, so I hope it's resolved soon.

Tiptoethr0ughthetulips · 16/08/2017 10:56

You just say to MIL I'm really not comfortable about DS being around that dog, that is your choice and I understand where you're coming from.
Cupcake is so minor however you said no and should have been respected.

I don't think I'd ban her, but I'd have a gentle word she sounds naive and lacking experience with children.

No need at all to go NC and to be honest you'll end up having NC with lots of people if you can't confront and discuss like an adult.

I know it's hard, my BIL and his GF both smoke, they do outside but don't wash hands etc afterwards let alone change clothing, I don't like that around my son but I'm due again soon and it's at forefront of my mind how I'm going to tackle them coming in for a hold of new baby. I'm just going to have to man up and ask them to wash hands, remove jackets etc.

cookies2017 · 16/08/2017 10:57

Understand where you're coming from... she asked you said no and she did it anyway. Any chance you could have a quiet word with your in laws and ask them to make sure she is supervised when she is around your little one?

LoneStarRising · 16/08/2017 10:58

Same here, RainyApril. The showing off proper bugs me, and the bloody waterworks when asked to stop putting the small nephews and nieces in stupid or risky situations.

And so much shit on Facebook about being the 'bestest auntie' - we have to watch them like hawks.

lily88 · 16/08/2017 11:00

I don't think YABU op. My mils dog snapped at bit my older son last year when we were away and this dog is what you'd call a big softie. MIL was in the room too.
With regards to the cupcake the that you said no and she did it anyway would annoy me. A baby does not need sweet things on their life at this young age. The other way of looking at it is if there was any allergies in the family you may have had a good reason for saying no. I'm not saying that's the case here but the fact is you said no. Is there a way you could just talk to her and say she's overstepping the mark?

BoneyBackJefferson · 16/08/2017 11:09

On the one hand I don't think YABU

But
she didn't speak to me because she knows better

I really hope that there is more to this, because otherwise it sounds just a little bit 'mean girls' and that you consider her beneath you.

Fuckit2017 · 16/08/2017 11:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ButtHoleinOne · 16/08/2017 11:34

I feel quite sorry for the teenager. She's only 18. Teens can be a pain in the butt and a right struggle. Maybe if you involved her more that might help. Maybe let her feed the baby some baby food. Let her hold baby

Ffs she's not a baby! My mother was 18 when she had me. There are lots of 18 year old parents on MN.

I think if they posed an op saying they'd fed their baby a cupcake and left it with a random dog they be ripped to pieces.

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