Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to say I don't want her near my son?!

273 replies

Libbywx · 16/08/2017 09:00

SO a few weeks ago we had a christening for my son. Long and short of the family drama is I really dislike my fiancee brothers girlfriend. Main reason is she once put pictures on fb of her with my son sat on the sofa with her staffy cross alsatian (cross they say "American bull dog" that screams pit bull to me but I'm no dog breeder.)

Anyway at the christening she didn't speak to me because she knows better. What she did was pester my partners mum to let her feed my son a cupcake (a cupcake??? He's 7mo.) To which my partners mum eventually said "ask his mum" she did... I said no and she did it anyway.

So now I really dislike her. Blood boiling kind of dislike. When we go away for the night in September my son is staying with the in-laws.... SO do I say I don't want her coming round and being around him? Or is that really crappy of me?

OP posts:
ButtHoleinOne · 16/08/2017 09:23

You're really not being ott. It's weird behaviour. Why is she so desperate to feed your kid a cupcake? Hmm

BlurryFace · 16/08/2017 09:24

I don't think you've got enough to tell other people when they can and can't have someone in their house so if you're 100% set on her not being around your baby get someone else who doesn't have anything to do with her to watch him or don't go.

If DP's DB's DF "knows better" than to talk to you about your own child maybe you should stop having her around to your events and if you attend someone else's where she is present, keep hold of your son the whole time.

PantPlot · 16/08/2017 09:25

You would be putting your in laws in a really difficult position be saying who they can and can't have atvtheir house, so it would probably be better to find alternative childcare for the night I think

RaspberryOverload · 16/08/2017 09:25

So, if this is a rescue dog and they've only had it a few weeks, how well do they know the dog.

I do agree that talking to your inlaws about these issues might help. The cupcake itself isn't quite the issue with me, it's that she was told no when asked but did it anyway. What else will she do if she's around the child?

Penfold007 · 16/08/2017 09:25

Your not happy with the childcare and you can't dictate to the PILs so find alternative care or cancel the overnight trip.

NotPennysBoat815 · 16/08/2017 09:26

My parents have had their dog for seven years, since she was a puppy, and I still don't like my baby DD being round her. I don't think for a second the dog would hurt her on purpose but at the end of the day they are animals!

WorraLiberty · 16/08/2017 09:26

Who was supposed to be looking after your baby, at the times when his teenage aunt put him with the dog/fed him a cupcake?

That's who you need to be having a strong word with.

Also, what has your partner said to his sister about all this?

PodgeBod · 16/08/2017 09:27

Oh and I would definitely say that the dog can't be there with the baby. It might be a small percentage but I wouldn't take the chance that my precious baby would be the one to get hurt or killed.

WhamBarsArentAsFizzyAsTheyWere · 16/08/2017 09:27

The in laws were looking after your dc, they allowed the dog near him.

It sounds like you're clinging onto that as a reason to hate her but ignoring your in laws part in it because they are handy babysitters for you.

If you don't like her that's fine, not everyone gets on, but you don't have to make up excuses as to why.

You would be VU to tell your in laws who they can and can't have in their house when they are doing you a favour.

Pengggwn · 16/08/2017 09:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PeteAndManu · 16/08/2017 09:29

It's the GF's common sense that would concern me. She just seems to want to play at being mum and isn't taking the baby's mother's concerns into account. It's a new dog that they don't really know put next to a baby. It isn't a risk worth taking. If she wants to try to feed a baby a cupcake she hasn't thought about choking etc so isn't thinking about risks and managing them.

Where does the dog live? How sensible are your PIL and will they say no to her daft ideas?

DewDropsonKittens · 16/08/2017 09:29

I would put an end to this before it turns into years of bitter feuds and family members having to take sides.

Go speak to her, explain why you are so upset about the dog situation and make her understand why you are cross

She probably doesn't see the issue and you going ballistic without a decent conversation will be prolonging the inevitable

The cupcake incident... I would let it go, she probably did it too wind you up. Which worked and inflamed things even more.

Go speak to her. Otherwise in 10 years everyone will hate each other and noone will remember why

OrangeJulius · 16/08/2017 09:30

I don't think you're being OTT. It is awful that she ignored your "no" at the Christening, how disrespectful. As for the dog thing, I have photos of my baby and large dog together BUT I would NOT have been happy to have this happen with any other dog.

She sounds silly and like perhaps thinks of your son more of a toy/prop than a person. I would not have her around my baby without me present. This may mean your baby can not go PIL to stay.

averythinline · 16/08/2017 09:30

I wouldn't leave a 7m old with a teen that doesn't listen/care and a rescue dog if any type.....
I would also be annoyed about the cupcake because of ignoring your NO after repeatedly answer...
yes its your PIL place but they didn't stop her/the dog before so I would not leave dc with the PIL - this is your child not some 'toy' for her to take pictures of...but unless you are really sure the PIL will take responsibility for the dog

PandorasXbox · 16/08/2017 09:31

Blood boiling kind of dislike is way ott for what's she done.

frieda909 · 16/08/2017 09:31

From your OP it all sounds rather melodramatic, unless there's more backstory that you've left out.

I completely understand your concerns about the dog but surely the first port of call would be to talk to her about it? Say you're not comfortable with the dog being around your son while he's still so young and the dog's so new to the family.

Going from dog pictures on Facebook to totally cutting contact just sounds a bit of an overreaction!

BlondeB83 · 16/08/2017 09:31

No dog is safe alone with a child of that age, regardless of where they come from etc. Children are unpredictable and so are dogs. YANBU

DirtyChaiLatte · 16/08/2017 09:31

Wouldn't leave my baby with a family member I'd only just met either.bare minimum to expect with a potentially dangerous dog.

Totally agree with this. You wouldn't leave your child with a person you hardly know, so why is a dog you hardly know OK?

AmateurSwami · 16/08/2017 09:31

I don't think you're being U.

No seven month old needs a cupcake feeding to them.

I wouldn't want an unknown dog around my baby. I don't give a shit if that offends people who thinks dogs are their "babies".

ButtHoleinOne · 16/08/2017 09:31

Assuming she's old enough to know better as she's a girlfriend and one being invited to family events.

Olympiathequeen · 16/08/2017 09:32

Trust your instincts and make it absolutely clear what does and doesn't happen with your child. If your in laws can't do as you ask then make alternative arrangements.

olderandnowiser · 16/08/2017 09:32

YANBU. I too would not let the woman anywhere near my baby. You are the mother and if you don't want your inlaws looking after the baby then make sure that they don't get to look after him while the gf is on the scene. Hopefully, as she is only a girlfriend maybe she and your BiL will split up in due course.

AtomHeart · 16/08/2017 09:32

Look after your baby yourself, maybe?

Booboobooboo84 · 16/08/2017 09:33

My dogs lovely but I wouldn't leave him around a baby. Without some serious intense supervision. Because he's not used to them - and is also an idiot.

So if you don't want him around a rescue dog that's fine for you to say. Just articulate it's for that reason. The fact she put a picture on Facebook with it is the wrong thing to be upset about imho. She's young babies are exciting.

Feeding your child a cupcake without your express permission is a major no no.

I would have them situation where events your hosting she doesn't get invited too. That's your prerogative. Events your both invited to then you take responsibility for the supervision of your child.

If your sending him to the in laws on his own then it's reasonable for you to ask him not to be around dogs in general (unless they have one). But you can't stop them inviting her over

WorraLiberty · 16/08/2017 09:34

Sorry I got confused about who she is Blush

She's the fiance's brother's girlfriend, not the baby's aunt.

Either way OP, you need to deal with whoever was looking after your baby at the time and allowed these things to happen.