AIBU to say I don't want her near my son?!

[Libbywx]

SO a few weeks ago we had a christening for my son. Long and short of the family drama is I really dislike my fiancee brothers girlfriend. Main reason is she once put pictures on fb of her with my son sat on the sofa with her staffy cross alsatian (cross they say "American bull dog" that screams pit bull to me but I'm no dog breeder.)

Anyway at the christening she didn't speak to me because she knows better. What she did was pester my partners mum to let her feed my son a cupcake (a cupcake??? He's 7mo.) To which my partners mum eventually said "ask his mum" she did... I said no and she did it anyway.

So now I really dislike her. Blood boiling kind of dislike. When we go away for the night in September my son is staying with the in-laws.... SO do I say I don't want her coming round and being around him? Or is that really crappy of me?

If she's just a teenager, we all know teenagers can be self absorbed, act without thinking and just need to be told straight what will and won't be acceptable to you and your family.
How about just speaking up to her, telling her you don't want the dog around baby, you don't appreciate inappropriate things being stuffed in babys mouth, then draw a line under it and move on.
Hopefully she will see that it did upset you and why, and it won't happen again.

My DD was brought home to a dog and raised with dogs. I ❤️ Dogs. But I wouldn't for a nano second have expected anybody to sit her - at 7 months old!!! - with the unknown quantity of a rescue dog, when I wasn't there!! AND then feeding your child with a specific thing when you have said No. I would be livid. But let's get some perspective on this. She's a teenager and I think she is trying to fit in and be liked. (She's going about it in a stupid way though!). She may not be a long term member of this family group. I would be having some very friendly but firm words with the PIL since the dog incident happened at their home. I would make it quite clear that if they wish to look after their grandchild then you are Insisting on a no dogs in the house rule and that you will provide the m with a list/ pre made food that your DS is allowed to eat. Then, I would ask this girl round to my house for a coffee/ cake/ chat and try to get to know her a bit, AND to see how she is round your child. She might be great with him. She might end up being your SIL. But she's a young woman and it wouldn't hurt to be nice, magnanimous and offer her the hand of friendship.

Unless your baby took a selfie with the dog, clearly It was supervised.

You never answered the question - was she not speaking to you at the christening, or asking to feed the baby cake? She can't have been doing both.....

YANBU,what sort of fucking idiot feeds a tiny 7 month old baby a bloody cupcake!

I would have ripped her a new one,he could of choked or had a reaction,anything could have happened the silly mare and with regards to the Dog,we have 3 Dogs and our biggest(a massive Greyhound)is a rescue and we have 5DC and they are amazing with our DC and our DC with them but there is no way I would have stuck a baby next to a rescue Dog I'd only had a few weeks,she is a fool and it doesn't sound like she's mature enough to own a pet let alone be left on her own with your DS!

With the night away being as your so worried that your PIL will let her be alone with your son is there anyone else that could have the baby for the night because it would be a shame if your one night off is spent worrying that she might be doing something with your son.

Also 18 really isn't that young,I became a Mum at 20,my Mum was 18 when she had her first and I helped look after my Nephew as soon as I became an Auntie and I was only 7,I knew not to feed the baby anthing usless my SIL or Brother asked me to and I was the baby of the family so for those 7 years I hadn't grown up around other children but I had enough common sense to know your careful with a baby,so at 18 she really should know to engage her brain first and bloody listen to what the baby's Mum has said!

OP you can't tell them who they can and can't have in their house. If you are that worried/concerned that she will pass through whilst your son is there, I suggest you find someone else to look after your son.

Don't be ridiculous. A very very small % of dogs will harm a child, your child is more likely to be harmed by a family member or a close friend than a dog.

When it comes to my dd I decide to reduce that 'small %' to zero by keeping potentially dangerous animals away from her. That's for their safety too.

Oh but newdaddie I thought your PFB was ruler of the known universe? You mean she CAN'T talk to the animals?! You want to work on that.....

YANBU,what sort of fucking idiot feeds a tiny 7 month old baby a bloody cupcake!

I agree with that sentiment.

Would keep her well away from the baby. Apparently she doesn't realize that a baby isn't a toy.

@OP you should be directing your anger at your fiancé. It's his son too, and it would probably be less confrontational coming from him to deal with the dog/cupcake issues.

@FenellaMaxwellsPony she needs to improve her Spanish and Mandarin first.

I don't understand - how did she ask you and you say no if she didn't talk to you as she knows better?

Really splitting hairs here.

She spoke to me once to ask if she could feed him to which I said no. We weren't talking because the dog incident was prior to the christening.

And yes someone obviously was taking the pictures but my son was sat on the sofa next to the dog on his own on two of said pictures, which means he was too close to the dog, in my humble opinion.

@ontheholidays thank you!!!!

I would be supremely uncomfortable with the dog being allowed so close to the baby, my aunt trains and shows dogs, hers are impeccably behaved, and she herself has said she would never ever let them be close to a baby or small child without her in between. This dog is a rescue and a big breed that could kill a baby in an instant, they have no idea how this dog is if they have only had it a few weeks. I think you speak to her directly and maybe bring up some of the media coverage of dog attacks on babies. Don't bring up the breed being an issue specifically as that will just get her back up and she will come out with the bollocks about demonising a breed blah blah blah. I wasn't willing to take risks with dd and one of DPs relatives dog, I had to be pretty sharp with her and lay out the potential consequences before she understood and got the dog more under control. Nothing has ever happened, but it could and I am not willing to risk that, she can put her own baby with a dog if she wants, but she doesn't get to make decisions involving risk about your baby.

The cupcake thing you are being PFB about, a whole cupcake wouldn't be ok, but a little bit won't do any harm and it isn't a choking hazard as cake is soft and crumbly.

With any luck the relationship will fizzle out and she will disappear never to be seen again, but keep in mind she may be your SIL before too long so don't come down too hard on her.

I can understand why you're annoyed but I think you're overreacting.
I think the stuff she's done is out of inexperience/ airheaded-ness rather than malice.

Saying you don't want her unsupervised near your son or looking after him would be reasonable but saying you don't want her near him at all is a massive over reaction.

Look after your baby yourself, maybe?

These sort of bitchy, sarcastic, unnecessary comments piss me right off.

Why is she getting the blame for the dog photo? Wasn't it at the inlaws house? Weren't they caring for him? Presumably you had a blow up at her as she knows better than to speak to you.

Again with the cake - presumably she was sat by in laws who had him.

To the lovely lady who said I should look after him myself I would like to point out it is important for him to interact with grandparents and spend time but not if you can't trust them. And its possible for children to bond with grandparents with you there. If they cant look after him to your standards you nerd to find alternator childcare.
Are they having him because you're back at work? Does your workplace have childcare vouchers scheme? Might be a better solution if its affordable

It's your baby and she's wilfully ignoring your wishes. She's rude and stupid and it doesn't matter whether it's caused by ignorance or malice, the outcome is the same.

I'd find alternative sitters for your night away. You'll only worry she's there being a knob if you leave your baby with the inlaws.

She's caused this situation, not you.

Who cares if you're bring PFB (and I don't think you are), it's your right.

Whatever you do OP I would be very careful to not start a massive family feud over this. Especially regarding the dog as I'm assuming your son was in the GPs care during this time. If that is he case, surely they are to blame and not her?

Quite frankly with your "she knows better than to talk to me", you sound like a schoolyard bully whose keen to put the other ' daughter in law' in her place and you at the top of the pecking order.

The drama and intense loathing is completely over the top. If you don't have kids (and especially at that age) you aren't fully aware of the developmental stages or think about potential risks. Why not talk to her like an adult rather than this cold shouldering and venom nonsense.

Your sound and fury over this topic says far, far more about you than it does about the teenager in question.

Quite frankly with your "she knows better than to talk to me", you sound like a schoolyard bully whose keen to put the other ' daughter in law' in her place and you at the top of the pecking order.

The drama and intense loathing is completely over the top. If you don't have kids (and especially at that age) you aren't fully aware of the developmental stages or think about potential risks. Why not talk to her like an adult rather than this cold shouldering and venom nonsense.

Your sound and fury over this topic says far, far more about you than it does about the teenager in question.

Correct.

It's not safe to leave a baby with a dog like that. They appear gentle but they can snap quite easily.

Don't leave the baby there overnight, find someone else.

Alternatively ask hotel if they have a cot bed...

She is the teenage girlfriend of the brother of the OPs fiance ffs. She is nobody to the baby, not related by marriage.

I see so many threads on here saying I hate MIL for far less. But so many saying unclench here.

You would all be happy to let an unrelated teenager feed your 7 month old baby something you didnt want them to have and to also expose them to a rescue dog they have had for a few weeks?!

Exactly NikiBabe