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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to say I don't want her near my son?!

273 replies

Libbywx · 16/08/2017 09:00

SO a few weeks ago we had a christening for my son. Long and short of the family drama is I really dislike my fiancee brothers girlfriend. Main reason is she once put pictures on fb of her with my son sat on the sofa with her staffy cross alsatian (cross they say "American bull dog" that screams pit bull to me but I'm no dog breeder.)

Anyway at the christening she didn't speak to me because she knows better. What she did was pester my partners mum to let her feed my son a cupcake (a cupcake??? He's 7mo.) To which my partners mum eventually said "ask his mum" she did... I said no and she did it anyway.

So now I really dislike her. Blood boiling kind of dislike. When we go away for the night in September my son is staying with the in-laws.... SO do I say I don't want her coming round and being around him? Or is that really crappy of me?

OP posts:
SleepingStandingUp · 16/08/2017 12:48

NikiBabe no i wouldn't but in this case I would ball it or threaten the teenager so much that she "knows better than to talk to me" and as the child was under the care of the GP in both cases I'd stop leaving my child with them unsupervised. Even if tjateans changing the plans to go away and take the baby with me

SleepingStandingUp · 16/08/2017 12:49

NikiBabe no i wouldn't but in this case I wouldn't ball out or threaten the teenager so much that she "knows better than to talk to me" and as the child was under the care of the GP in both cases I'd stop leaving my child with them unsupervised. Even if that means changing the plans to go away and take the baby with me

Veterinari · 16/08/2017 12:51

How was she able to feed your 7mo an entire cupcake whilst you were supervising him at his own christening?

NikiBabe · 16/08/2017 12:51

If someone threatened your babies safety you wouldnt be hung up on technically it was the gps fault, you'd be after the teenager full throttle with the fear of torment.

This is abstract for you. It is happening to the op and risking her baby being exposed to a potentially dangerous dog.

StickThatInYourPipe · 16/08/2017 12:51

Exactly SleepingStandingUp

StickThatInYourPipe · 16/08/2017 12:53

Nikibae but who put the child in that position? Who allowed the dog into the house? Who allowed the child to be left alone with the random teenager?

SleepingStandingUp · 16/08/2017 12:58

If be pissed at them both over the dog. Who allowed her to bring the dogs in? Who took he photo where she's with the child? Who left a 7 mo alone with an unrelated and unreliable teenager? So yeah if be pissed at them both.

Re the cake unless the child has allergies she didn't threaten her safety she went against moms wishes. Not ok but again who had hold of the child? Why didn't Man say no? Move the child away. Call OP to have the baby.

As for you'd be after the teenager full throttle with the fear of torment wtaf does that mean?

veryveryquietly · 16/08/2017 13:02

I wouldn't automatically assume the grandparents are on the girlfriend's 'side' here. Talk to them, esp MIL, and let her know why you're fearful. MIL obviously respects your judgement and doesn't want to override it (told girlfriend to ask you about the cupcake, rather than saying yes herself), so I bet she'd be sympathetic, esp about the dog issue.

Love dogs, but the problem here isn't the dog, it's the owner. It's a relatively unknown dog, large breed, and the fact that it's in the hands of an inexperienced and more importantly unreliable owner just screams trouble.

And yeah, the cupcake is probably no huge danger (if it were a muffin with chunks of fruit and nuts that would be a problem) but the issue is that she did it anyway when OP said no. OP, I'd emphasise that w/ MIL: girlfriend can't be trusted to do what she's told around a child that's not her own. At the very least they can say absolutely no dog in the house when baby there. They may even be relieved to be able to say it was your decision.

NikiBabe · 16/08/2017 13:03

As for you'd be after the teenager full throttle with the fear of torment wtaf does that mean?

You'd threaten her and fucking give her hell if she put your child im danger when she KNOWS you dont want the dog near it.

Dont be so fucking rude sleepingstandingup.

innagazing · 16/08/2017 13:03

Anyway at the christening she didn't speak to me because she knows better.
Really? What would have happened to her if she had spoken to you then? Grin

NikiBabe · 16/08/2017 13:05

Only on MN could blood relative MILs be so vehemently hated for so little and a random teenager so defended when relating to your first baby.

Its unbelievable.

OhhBetty · 16/08/2017 13:07

Are you very young yourself op? Only to say you "weren't talking" and that "she knows better" than to talk to you screams immaturity at best imo. Surely an adult conversation is best? And a pp pointed out

OhhBetty · 16/08/2017 13:08

Pressed post too soon. As a pp pointed out your op says she was say with your son. Yet now you've backtracked. I would never trust any dog to be left with a baby or small child but it doesn't sound like this was the case here.

midnightmisssuki · 16/08/2017 13:09

it was silly of her to leave the dog with a young child - any dog is dangerous, i say this as a dog owner myself. My husbands friends daughter was mauled to death by one of these family dogs, he was a lovely dog they would say.

I would be annoyed re the cupcake thing - but not enough to hold a grudge, i mean, yes its shit, but i would have had a word with her and tried to move on. My uncle fed my 6 months old daughter some of her christening cake - i had a word, he apologised and we moved on.

I think you already don't like her and so all these things she's doing is just annoying you further. I don't think you can dictate who comes to your in-laws house when they have your son over though, if she bother you that much, maybe get a sitter?

Good luck!

GinIsIn · 16/08/2017 13:09

NikiBabe nowhere has the OP said the teen knew she didn't want the dog anywhere near it...

SleepingStandingUp · 16/08/2017 13:13

Dont be so fucking rude sleepingstandingup

How the gel am I being rude? I was clarifying of you actually think in that situation it would be appropriate to physically threaten to assault someone over a situation which was permitted by someone else. Fear of torment on an 18 yo who clearly had permission (albeit passive) from the adult in charge. And there's no indication they the gf knew in advance that the baby wasn't to go near the dog. I agree it should be obvious but peoples comfort levels are different. OP needs to make sure whoever has care of her child (GP) know her feelings.

Excited101 · 16/08/2017 13:17

I'd be exactly the same op, she sounds very young, selfish and immature

ButtHoleinOne · 16/08/2017 13:19

How was she able to feed your 7mo an entire cupcake whilst you were supervising him at his own christening?

Oh no op! Did you let a relative hold your baby at an event surrounded with family! You horrible mother you Hmm

StickThatInYourPipe · 16/08/2017 13:20

Oh no op! Did you let a relative hold your baby at an event surrounded with family! You horrible mother you hmm
But surely if OP doesn't want this girl around her son she wouldn't let her hold him in the first place?

ButtHoleinOne · 16/08/2017 13:21

The op doesn't sound immature. She was angry at a relative who she still allowed to come to her baby's christening. If you were angry at a random gf would you invite them?

And if the op is early twenties why is she "immature" and awful but the teen "just a poor well meaning teenager"

ButtHoleinOne · 16/08/2017 13:21

did she let her or was someone else holding her and handed her over?

BoneyBackJefferson · 16/08/2017 13:25

NikiBabe

All we know is that the OP doesn't want the girl anywhere near her child.
We know nothing about the dog or anything else other than the cupcake, which presumably the OP could have stopped as she was also at the christening.

There is a good probability that this girl could become the partner of her BiL, Will the girl still not be allowed around the child if it is at the PiLs house?

This has the markings of a major family fallout if the OP continues in a way that means the girl "knows that she shouldn't talk to her"

Artisanjam · 16/08/2017 13:30

I'd read "she didn't speak to me because she knows better" as the girlfriend having a strop after being told off about the dog. Not that the op had threatened her.

It can actually be read in several different ways and doesn't exonerate the GF.

Fuckit2017 · 16/08/2017 13:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Crumbs1 · 16/08/2017 13:38

Yes another one who thinks it's an excessive reaction towards a teenager. You do sound very young and uncertain yourself.