AIBU to say I don't want her near my son?!

[Libbywx]

SO a few weeks ago we had a christening for my son. Long and short of the family drama is I really dislike my fiancee brothers girlfriend. Main reason is she once put pictures on fb of her with my son sat on the sofa with her staffy cross alsatian (cross they say "American bull dog" that screams pit bull to me but I'm no dog breeder.)

Anyway at the christening she didn't speak to me because she knows better. What she did was pester my partners mum to let her feed my son a cupcake (a cupcake??? He's 7mo.) To which my partners mum eventually said "ask his mum" she did... I said no and she did it anyway.

So now I really dislike her. Blood boiling kind of dislike. When we go away for the night in September my son is staying with the in-laws.... SO do I say I don't want her coming round and being around him? Or is that really crappy of me?

I wouldn't be happy about the dog, because the family hadn't had it for long and dogs can be unpredictable. And there are babies who have been attacked by dogs; it's rare, I'm sure, but it does happen in precisely that sort of situation.

I would be annoyed about the cupcake too, but I would have left it at a rant about it with my DH and then let it go.

It's not worth turning it into a family feud or going all mean girl over this. You seem to be loving the drama in fact. She's an idiot, but you can just tell the grandparents you're not comfortable about your baby being too close to the dog. Job done.

OP Were you not able to take the cupcake away from your fiancé's DB's GF? I've a feeling I'd have grabbed it and possibly chucked it in the bin.
She's a pain and seems to be deliberately antagonising you by assuming far too much familiarity with your Precious First Born, which is exactly what your little boy is, and should be. However nice your fiancé's DPs might be surely they understand how upset you are.
I won't comment on the sofa dog pix as many dog owners, breeders, and at least one vet have made their unanimous condemnation of what the silly girl did very clear.

Is she thick as merde?

I'd tell DP that you think she might be thick as merde.

And that there's therefore no way she's going near your child.
No need to be polite about it - she can learn that this is how people respond when you're an idiot with their child's safety.

There's people in my man's social circle who are positively allowed nowhere near my child. It works perfectly well for us.

I think you're totally within your rights, having seen what this girl thinks is appropriate care of a baby, to ask your PILs to not leave her alone with your son or let her hold him.
Or even better, never leave him at PILs without you? For the first few years anyway. Until hopefully she toddles off.

I would cancel the trip. I truly would. You're not going to enjoy it anyway as you'll be constantly worried about your child.
^This
Also, I wouldn't trust your PiLs to make sure all is well as they are "too nice" and likely to let that overrule whatever you have told them.

It doesn't matter what anyone else would be happy with. You and your DP are not happy so don't take any chances with your precious son's safety.

Sorry but I think you sound a bit OTT. I loathe dogs and wouldn't want my baby near an unfamiliar one but she was thoughtless rather than nasty. She's a teenager Ffs. As for the cake, well it's a bit daft of her, yes. You had said no and really she ought to have respected that. BUT, she doesn't have children of her own so obviously doesn't understand how protective we all get. I can't see why you'd want to make a big family drama out of these things? Why not simply have a word with your PILs and say you're a bit wary of her being left with your baby, cite the two examples you mentioned, say you're a protective FTM and that you think she doesn't seem to understand. But as for banning her from being anywhere near....it sounds like you're getting off on creating a bit of an unnecessary drama. I don't want to be rude, but that's how it comes across. Sorry

Totally understand re dog and the cupcake is annoying but you and her are equal in your in laws eyes eg partners of their sons you would be putting them in a impossible position. How would you feel if she had the baby and your inlaws wouldnt allow you in the house as she didnt want you to. If she ends uo being your bil wife a d they have kids they will be your childs cousins. To be honest i would blame your in laws for the dog they where in charge of your child and they allowed that to happen. Also i understand you want everything done your way but if you use family child care that doesnt always happen. If you use payed childcare they will do as you instruct. I would say if you dont want this girl around then dont leave your child with in laws. Also what does she knows better than to speak to you mean - maybe its just me but that sounded like you want her to be scared to speak to you ?

Oh and sorry meant to add re dog i would not allow that but i think you really such have had that out with in laws at the time . In my mind it was their fault. I wouldnt leave baby with them again alone as if you are their and they arrive with dog you can leave with baby.

I would never trust a dog with a baby, insist that if inlaws have baby that the did is not allowed near him, make that really clear. I know dog lovers will say it's fine but the dog doesn't know the baby and when dogs attack children it's almost always at the uncles of grandparents house.
Cupcake - 7 months is way too young! And you said no - you need to speak with her about that.

She sounds young. I know I'm young and can be stupid but even I didn't leave my DD alone with our dogs. Our dogs are rescues too but are brilliant with my DD and she has grown up knowing how to treat them.

A cupcake isn't bad, it's the fact you said no that makes it bad. Could you have a chat with your in laws and explain? I don't have any and never have so maybe that's not an option. I don't know how that relationship works but isn't it worth a Go?
I definitely don't think YABU x

Bloody hell, I am astounded that so many people think it fine to put the baby on the sofa with a dog, on the dog's territory.

And that giving a 7 month old a cupcake against parental wishes is OK.

However: the answer is not to create a permanent war with another family member and refuse to speak at events etc.

And key to this is your ILs attitude. Can they be trusted to make sure your small baby is not left with dog / fed cupcakes etc.

It sounds as if your MIL held the line against the cupcake feeding, and did recognise it was your decision.

Also your DH is key in this. He has to make clear to your ILs that these. standards are his, not just yours.

The dog thing as you posted they have only had it a few weeks so they don't know if it is good with children or if that's the reason that it was put up for rescue. The cupcake it isn't the end of the world that he was fed it it's more to do with the fact you said no and she didn't respect you enough to listen, speak to your in laws and explain to them your worries about her and the dog.
Even the best trained dog can attack someone (adult or child) with no provocation as my exwifes dog did. He was police trained and great with kids until one went close to him one day and he 'turned' so no you can never tell what a dog will do same as humans.
You are the parent so it is your rules wether they are stupid to someone else or perfectly reasonable it's still your rules.
Do what you think is right.

I have relatives with vet medic qualifications and a relative who has a hard to see scar on forehead from Aunt s dog received when v young. I would never place a less than one year old baby near a dog unless dog is well managed all the time with good known long history of ok with bairns. It takes only one bite to be scarred for life.Never mind the very rare life threatening incedents. Even many older children do not know what dogs do and dont like. e. g they dont actually like to be hugged.

I wouldn't let her near my baby either. Even family dogs can snap at any moment when they are annoyed (I've seen it happen). As for the cupcake, it's not just that, it's the principal. She didn't do it and then realise you wouldn't like it's you said no, but she still went ahead. You are not being unreasonable OP.
As for those saying look after your own baby or don't leave your baby with family members - guess nobody ever has to work/study/breathe, eh?

sleepingstandingup thank you kindly

A 7mo should not be up near a dog like an American bull dog who doesn't know it and is a new rescue dog. Whether the risk is 99% or 1% of the dog attacking it is not worth taking.
Dogs (especially rescue dogs) are unpredictable and the baby might have screeched or pulled his ear or ANYTHING to make it scared or angry.
I would have been livid.

And I agree re the cupcake: like probably many many mums on here you want your first child to be fully organic and natural and eat the recommended stuff at the right time. My second had chocolate mousse as one of his first foods because his brother was eating it and I wanted to see if he would like it. BUT I did it. Not some teenybopper who deliberately went against my wishes.

So no I don't think you are being OTT but what can you do!? I would ask PIL to not leave the child with her (and definitely to not let the dog in the same room with the child) and maybe have a quiet word with her for you regarding respecting a child's parent's decisions. I wouldn't say your childcant stay at PIL as that will cause a much bigger problem which you really should avoid.

Blimey.
She is a teenager
She has shown ignorance of some safety issues around kids.

So "she knows better than to talk to you" (begs the question as to how aggressively you reacted initially to her unwisely placing your PFB next to a dog.)

You are massively over reacting and creating a drama, when all that was needed was a simple, pleasant but firm request to be more careful in respect of your wishes about your child.

She has certainly picked up that you hate her without much cause and is doing the classic rebellious teenager thing of looking for ways to wind you up as a result.

She is immature but you need to grow up too.

And here come the "awww dogs are so cute and harmless" brigade. For fucks sake - a dog of unknown temperament with a small child who they are not used to is utterly irresponsible.

A cupcake is just stupid - not necessarily unsafe if they are weaned (and at 7m I'd be surprised if they weren't) but the fact she ignored the mothers response of "no" is shit.

I don't think I've read any posts where someone was saying putting the baby next to an unknown rescue dog was fine. But I've not read all the posts tbh. I would be surprised if people thought that was ok. I don't think it's worth creating a family rift over though. As others have said, a firm word is surely the appropriate response.

PLEASE don't leave your baby anywhere near this teenager and/or her dog. IMO that would be totally irresponsible parenting. The risks are real, both from dog of unknown character and from teenager who does not understand children. Get alternative care when you go away, or take dc with you. You would not forgive yourself if anything happened when you were away. Also you would not know what DC was eating - I don't agree that cupcake cannot harm a 7 month old - its sugar, which is harmful and empty calories. No way would I even think about this scenario.

And make sure you refuse all party invitations in the future as you won't be able to police what your child eats at them.

NU at all. Keep hold of your baby so she can't do that kind of thing, what next if she has no respect. If the in laws don't listen then don't leave DS with your own parents. They should not have let a rescue dog near their GS.

I meant don't leave DS with them but your own parents.

boysofmelody _please back the fuck up